Uncertainties (30th of Nov)

• The fourth day of jogging and I felt so great, even my mum said my complexion seems to be better than before.
• Headed to panpan's house right after I had a shower and ate my breakie
• Before I started walking to his house, he has told me that his dad would be home the whole day, which means, I couldn't go but I was already there...Oddly madness came all in a sudden, walked back to the train station straightaway without even saying anything back, then didn't leave him a message til I got on the train and left. 
• That stubborn me emerged I knew, couldn't really calm myself down til I reached Central, where I was being so bossy inviting him to go Hursy with me. I truly understand why he was so upset of what I did because if I was him, my gf ridiculously dogged me in the day which we have planned a week ago meeting up each other, I would totally ignore this person. But he didn't, at least he still texted me back, and I went back to his suburb as I didn't want to ruin my Saturday in a bad mood as well. 
• At first he was unwillingly to come and see me after I was being so mean to him because what I asked was more like a command. But as I was already arrived again, he came all the way to pick me up so we could go somewhere else. Unexpectedly the next minute he told me that his dad left the house, yet without his permission to go to his house, I just started walking to his house. Another wrongdoing of mine for the day that made him upset after he was close to the train station and being called to walk all the way back to his house.
• It was totally a troll today...
• I sincerely apologize here again...sorry poor little panpan
• We finished two episodes of one litre of tears with our entire faces of tears...He wiped tears off my face and combed my hair while we were still watching it. I felt so good being loved by someone other than my mum
• Anyways angry sex was as a punishment to a meanie like me, and my bracelet, which was only fixed up by mum this morning was broken again as he forcefully held my wrists. >.>
• Oh and that panpan was being super random lowering his voice calling me baby, and all those perverted faces were so hilarious and cute>.>
• My ID card was also exposed when he put my broken bracelet into the back pocket of my bag and he found it there...I surrendered to his randomness, also letting him take photo of my ID because it was forced=.=
• My ID left on his bedside though,didn't really know til I was going to the train station
• Lucky I didn't walk far so I waited him to give it back to me
• Oh oh oh another troll of his was texting my friend Vicky back with my phone as Vicky asked if I could be there earlier tonight...Then using his phone to text her back saying that was him who texted her=.= sorry for the inconvenience...*facepalm*....Now I finally know how badly I want to facepalm to this randomness...
• Anyways I was going to meet up with Vicky, he was going to meet up with his gay lo friend. I was half joking half serious begging him to ask his friend to pick me up as well, what he did was to squeeze me like a teddy bear kept telling me IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE....coz...they would be only having dinner in his suburb...Well....*HUMPH* >.>
• My Vicky baby...wait no...I meant my friend Vicky -O- see what you have done to me panpan...
• Yeah...my friend Vicky was waiting at Central for coupler hours as she finished work so early today
• We were going to have dinner and discuss about how to get her clients for math tutoring as well as to promote herself as a great tutor..
• In our way to an undecided restaurant, a Thai Festival was being held at the park near Central, where it was all lively and packed. Performances and a big screen on the stage have captured my attention, the food stalls around it were also full of people. But Vicky didn't really seem that interested to such an event, it was me who pulled her to have a look at the food and left.
• I was even planning to go back there after our dinner but my instinct has told me that I would not make it by the time it closed, which was true...we finished dinner at 9...
• Well...because of me..again....I talked a lot during our dinner time. She was amazed how slow I eat, even slower than her, who is considered as a really slow eater as well. >.>
• Dinner time was finally done. Heading back to the park was not a long way though, it only took us around 20 minutes to get back but everything was closed, that vividness we saw a few hours ago was totally gone...
• We sat on the bench talking for another one hour or so. She told me a lot of problems that are happening to her living environment and her working place. Those complaints of hers have revealed how bad a fast food restaurant manager could be, he even cheated on her to work once. Hence her attempt of quitting a job is not surprising to know, and I also admire of her bravery to report the issue of underpay. I mean, she's right, it's your right, you should fight for your right.
• So basically that one hour of talking was one of the very inspired convo these days, as I am still unemployed, I can't even imagine how it would be like working with co-workers, even though I have always imagined the obstacles I may go through when I really work. But from what she has told me and what others have said, working could be way tougher than having a good life in uni...way much tougher
• In the end, we took two selfies together
• I have thought a lot in my way home. Perhaps, there are way more things for me to do before I am actually ready to face something by myself. But prior to all of that, I need to make so many changes in my life to adapt to various uncertainties laying ahead, including the ones that are already happening right now, and my worriment of not feeling fulfilled...But most importantly is that, the trick of solving life problems is in your hands, whether you want it or not, it's still there. 
• So why are you afraid to make a choice?

29th of Nov

• Medical centre: got her results and all that, a few hours were gone in the blink of an eye
• Also got my prescribed medicine to heal my acne around my arms and back
• Waited Michelle at central for one hour or so, she came and gave me that amount of money she owed me these days. I felt rich all in a sudden.
• Michelle and I walked around market city to choose my brother's pressie 
• Another lame post...mehhhhhhhh
• Super delayed post 3

Catch up (28th of Nov)

• Completed two full rounds of jogging in the park plus exercise 
• Haiwon was there already but Shabrina didn't make it because something just came up
• As she's Korean and I am Chinese, we picked a Japanese restaurant to have brunch together. I suggested to go Korean restaurant but the one she led me to was too pricey. 
• Staying in the restaurant for almost three hours because I talked a lot instead of eating>.> My seafood ramen was with big-sized, she said it was worth the price yet I think they have put too much vegies =.= 
• I choked myself with the Japanese ginger in the beginning before we started our meal. It was quite embarrassing claiming myself love gingers and spicy food, the next minute *choked* ...........-O- 
• Funny how she said she's got one brother and 'one dad', 'wait wait...say that again? one dad?' 'yeah, one dad' (2 secs later) 'wait...what? did I say that? what one dad?' (just realized what she said..)
• I laughed at that for almost 20 minutes when there was several times she wanted to continue on her interesting transportation story, guess everyone has been through some ridiculous shittyrail experiences lol
• My friend called me a super slow eater because by the time we finished our brunch, it was nearly 3:30pm>.>
• Then we headed to westfield in townhall. JB hi fi was the only place she wanted to go at that time, unlike other girl friends, this friend of mine is sort of like a game+movie+anime addict. She asked me to try playing super mario with DS and for some reason, I always missed the mushroom due to my bad controlling skill...
• We moved to the movie section where it was just right next to the game section, she introduced some movies for me to watch but I can't remember what they are anyways...
• There was a chocolate store where they sell plenty of cute shaped and patterned chocolate. It was so enjoyable by seeing them and it even gave me an urge to take photos of them. But it says $380 on it, guess you wouldn't even want to eat it after you buy it, as Haiwon said.
• Had a pretty random convo with le panpan after he came back by teasing him as gay :3 so much fun...

A day with nothingness (27th of Nov)

Super delayed post (27th of Nov)

• cancelled the outting in order to take care of her
• She seems well today once she woke up
• This is blissful

(26th of Nov)

I set my goal a week ago so now I should start doing it before it's too late. In the morning mum woke me up at 6:50am, 10 minutes later after brushed our teeth, got dressed and all that, we were ready for our first day of jogging. I seriously think that I should get my healthy life back, not sure if I have ever once had a healthy period of time in my life, so now, let's make a change...And come on people, I am super serious this time, damn serious, I have resolute grim determination. Just by thinking about if there is one day I become a sporty type, and that I have abs....*in my dreams*

She only ran for 50 meters then stopped, asking for a rest. I kept it up myself, letting her fall behind >.> Muscle pain was not unexpected and because I am being goal-oriented and ambitious, I completed two rounds at the park with my tiny legs for the really first time jogging.

After jogging, as my friend Nick and I have planned before, we met up in Penshurst and I was actually 10 minutes earlier than him this time (most of the time I will be late for at least half an hour >.>) He was the one asking me to go badminton with him yet he didn't bring badminton rackets at all...We ended up watching a movie in Hurstville cinema afterward. The movie 'Captain Phillips' totally made me feel so intense almost throughout the entire movie since the pirates are succeeded in approaching the ship and taking Captain as hostage. You can feel that the movie is fully in charged by the filmmaker, who splendidly constructs authenticity of the captain and allows this process takes turns to build up tension when Captain's life is threatened for several times. But it will be even better if this filmmaking uses hand held camera to reflect realism in depth. 

Anyways Nick was so nice to cover me with his jacket because the air-con there was freezing. I felt bad seeing him shaky though. After the movie, two of us went to one of the restaurant there ordering two instant noodles with fried wings plus milk tea. We talked a lot as we haven't seen each other for almost a year. 

We were going to watch the second movie but as it started too late, I went to his house to watch another movie under his persuasion. That movie was alright, not really that worth mentioning here. In order to make his room feel like a cinema, he even switched off the light. And we talked again during the last one hour in the darkness before I went home. He's such an articulate person I would say, he even brought up the topic of politics and voting, as an obligation but not a responsibility, which I totally agreed with his point of view. 

Overall it was a great day to be with someone who has taught me something that I should know yet I never noticed. However when I came back home, mum told me that she's been having stomach ache for the past a few hours >< She should have told me to come back earlier yet she didn't, because she didn't want to ruin my fun time with friend :( We both thought that she would be ok later on but after 9pm, the disaster began, when she started to vomit and poo repeatedly. I carried her in and out whenever she felt unwell and needed to go toilet. It got even worse by the time she had a shower, I was just right there supporting and watching her, the next second she was powerlessly close to faint. It freaked me out a lot when she couldn't stand and heavily landed on the floor with her ass, then vomited and poo at the same time yet I could not help her but watched her to suffer. I tried my best to carry her in and out from the toilet, changed all the bed sheets and got extra blankets for her because she felt cold, I was even more scared if this is not normal bad stomach but caused by something else. It was really late at night, she was trembling a lot, vomited and frequently poo without any control. And I was busy preparing for plastic bags, sheets, just everything that she possibly needed. I have thought about to call the emergency number, and I should have, but she said she would be ok because of her unwillingness to pay the high cost of the ambulance. Yet she was not ok, not ok at all. She couldn't even stand up herself, and tiny me tried my best to hold her up, fed her with congee and water when I hugged her at the back. Even though she was the one that was really sick, the only thing she thought about was me. She worried about me getting cold without my long sleeve pj and asked me to take care of myself and not to trip over when I ran around the house busy cleaning and taking care of her. I told myself to be strong so I tried not to cry in front of her, only when I was cleaning her bowl and towel, a moment of emotional breakdown appeared. 

I have always wished there ain't just my mum and I living in here, Australia. She has been teaching me to think positively even though tough times come occasionally, but unfortunate happens to everybody so we might be the luckier ones? But then again, there has been something that is not there, is not complete...

Monday (25th of Nov)

Nobody likes being sick, but my reason here is I seriously don't like the medical system in Australia, which you need to book an appointment OR wait for a few hours even though you are really really sick. There is no special treatment here unless you pay and call the ambulance if you are close to faint or the situation is too urgent. This is just so not efficient for the patients, but yes, I do understand building up more hospitals doesn't seem to be an ideal idea either, since such a small populated country doesn't need this much of facilities, in other words, wasting of government funds. But then again, letting the patients wait for a few hours or so sometimes may worsen one's sickness if they miss the golden time. For example, my mum who has been through a tough three months under shingles, and she is still having postherpetic neuralgia til now. Why? Because she pretty much missed the golden time to be diagnosed and treated. This is a disease that would cause high rate of side effects even after the removal of that blistery area, and she only gotta see the doctor and consult another specialist in St James after so many hours, because the waiting time was too long. OK, even we only went there to do a blood test and asked some questions about something else, it took us another hour and a half to wait. And you know what, we arrived half an hour before the medical centre officially opened..=.= 

Anyways she was getting so emotional and cried because of something that the doctor asked, I thought that part of hers can never be healed, and I have always been knowing this. Dr Chauhan is such a lovely doctor, he gives us a really good feeling whenever we see him, as a doctor, and more like a friend to us. Before we left, he printed out an instruction to do a homemade nasal spray for me in order to intensify the effect of the one he just prescribed. Then he told me not to add too much soda as it may irritate my nose.

We went to Hursy at 1:30 to attend the appointment they have arranged for mum. In our way to the MTC, I saw my friend Jack, well, actually was my mum who told me to turn around because that tall and fat guy's face seems so familiar to her. She's got really good memories and eyes even though she has only met him once, and that was back in a few years ago in Mardi gras. 

Anyways as soon as we arrived in MTC, the receptionist asked us to wait for another 10 minutes til their examiner was ready. And I have told her to chill because that wasn't even going to be a hard exam, but tested what her English level is. But my mum has been always a serious person, treating every little thing as a vital part as if that may change her life. Reading a short paragraph, filling in three sheets and answering several basic personal questions have taken her almost an hour altogether. Well, but the examiner is nice enough to give her plenty of time instead of pressuring her, and I was with her as well. After the enrollment exam, we were told that somebody would contact her two weeks later, telling her which class she'll be attending.  

Somebody was back so early tonight but it was one of those nights we ended up arguing. It's just his high level of being a pompous abc is really disappointing to me, his usage of the label fobs does associated with its derogatory connotation. Perhaps he never noticed little things as always, and he never knew that some people might not like to be called as fobs because him, who was born here can never understand what we would feel about being put down in this way. A person like me who was being discriminated by people when I just came to Australia totally find this word really offended, so if you feel yourself more superior by calling people that, with that arrogant tone of voice, thinking of making this remark get you any cooler, then I am sorry, I find you really pathetic...

Change (24th of Nov)

24th of Nov (super delayed post)

Well, tons of physical possessions can't be measured from some little dark secrets. Some have been constantly seeking the next girl before their marriage, and some, such as my first ex, has revealed something we shouldn't have mentioned here. In short, the girl that he's dating now is the one he wants to get married in his life but distance between them becomes the reason of betrayal. Now you get what I mean, fully trusting a person is almost impossible in this materialistic world. Trust, is just a word for people who hasn't encountered something devastatingly heart broken yet, and only exists between the ones that have real connection there. When things are getting complicated, you gotta make up your mind whether or not to accept some temptation out there.

Anyways his incredible change is not surprising to know, including his body shape of course lol. As he has been training himself from the range of running for 10km a day, to his constantly doing sit-up for so many times whenever he's free, I asked him to show the proof of his six packs. To my amazement, he seriously made it. His six packs seem so obvious from the pictorial representation regardless I was laughing at his dormitory as a background, one of his mates was giving him this =.= face when he was taken that picture.

Btw...Jack Conte's remix production is so damn good, so please check him out on Youtube. Do trust my taste in music ;)