The truth

For the first time I bravely talked to somebody's ex because I thought it was time to clear things out...

That girl was really provoking, she seems like that she cares more about whether I love my bf or not than I do lol

However, her irresponsibility can be seen, when she denied she was the one bothering someone else...I later showed that to somebody else...Things just had to be getting this complicated from what she said :S

Anyhow...this would be the shortest post among all these...by talking about the panpan, he started to be scared of my rage...I can be really terrible indeed when I do rage lol >.> nah joking, on the other hand, it's just this super softie cannot take it..

Truth is the truth, and I rather not to touch it again, I have your words so please keep your promise :3

(combined) 22nd and 23rd

22nd: 

*Claps*
Saw my friend Tao at Rivy train station in the morning. Actually he tapped my shoulder, to his uncertainty of whether he recognized the right person or not. To my surprise, I was like  HA~YOU MUST BE LATE TO THE LECTURE AS WELL YEH? XDD obviously I am >.> He laughed...He looked so tired due to gaming too much? that LOL online game has been mentioned once again, my hostility towards that game just popped up without me noticing...denied strongly when he asked if I play that as well..

He was a bit over reacted when he was told that I made my bf quit playing that friggin game, WHY WOULD YOU MAKE HIM QUIT? HE CAN WIN THE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP IF PLAYS WELL...=.= This guy must be dreaming too much , no wonder he still hasn't got a gf just like several of my friends, who got into LOL too much, the fact that they are still single has proven that I am right... 

(In uni) I was with Ailin most of the day, from the morning we sat together in the lecture theatre to the time we finished our assessments together in the Library at night...

She's a really sweet girl, told me that they have moved to the Scientia(incase I couldn't find anyone there in the lecture when I arrived..) for observing the elements of that building...We then stayed in the Library for the remaining half an hour to discuss about an image. Heading to the tut together, sat next to her. Shabrina saw me and asked 'Yishaaaaa!! How's your assessment? Done?' I turned around and winked, 'Almost~ ;)' And Lara just came, another friend that I haven't seen for so long since last year..However, Cady just came and sat at the next table, she waved at me to go to hers, a bit of unwillingness to leave a few friends from that table and went to hers. That is one problem of having more than 1 friend in the tut, which makes you harder to decide who you are going to sit with...The topic for today was all about the significance of iPhone, Once again, one of my friends was one of the presenters there, one of her group mates did a good job in answering the tutor's questions.

I made that somebody wait at Central for close to 3 hours...He said I owe him, if this is the case, I don't know how much I have owed him so far, since I am always late to our outings, as well as on Monday morning when we meet up...

Hmm...There is actually nothing much to mention except for Eric has told me something, and Sam, the one I haven't talked for ages talked to me for several hours

Texted that panpan at 4 something...was going to have an intensed convo but I stopped questioning him...It would be so not nice to kill somebody's mood right in the really early morning, and then he was going to work for another 9 hours...Frankly I already did...>.> I am such a super meanie :( I can be the producer of 'Despicable me' somedays perhaps, as I already know how despicable I am...>.>

23rd:

I must be so mad today, as I talked to exactly 10 people on Fb instead of doing my work after I submitted my visual communication assessment in the arvo...

Let me count who I talked to today, Ailin and Gwinny(since I established a group chat for 3 of us); Leon, the most attractive(nope..>.>) person in the(HIS) world; Jodie, simply just asked whether it's a must for us to attach the electronic cover sheet to our assignment and had a bit of light talk; Kevin, the Indian dude that I haven't talked to since last year lol, still a sweet talker as usual when he said I am so cute and that easy for me to find a bf>.> *proud to have a cute face*; Karen, the kid who asked me to help her out with mechanics=.= I didn't even touch any physics stuff in year12..and hey, asking me to shout you after hsc? noooo way, she should be shouting me instead>.>; Anna, the German backpacker seems like she's having a great time here :) Enoch..only asked him about the postal vote as I received my form a few days ago; and some others such as Sam and another uni friend..

Filled in the forms for both mum and I, I just wanted to post these two voting letters so I could move them out of my way. You know how annoying that is to see a stack of papers on your table?=.= To be honest, here adding a bit of my opinion here, as a grassroot. Whoever we are voting for doesn't really carry the true value to decide who's the right person, since politics is the topic we talk about the least. Yes, I know democratic countries embrace freedom of speech, and that voting is a part of this. BUT does this referendum really do much to a better political stance? Really, how many people would treat it seriously when it comes to voting especially to teens. In order to increase the interest of politics to a nation as a whole, should we adopt some new approaches to a more educational purpose to the younger generation, and turn it into a part of us, like how we love music and movies, rather than a stressful topic once we hear it? but how? How can we achieve the most optimal result so that everybody's happy? There is much more to think about...

Anyways, that big fat panpan came back. I thought this time he would have given me an answer, once again, he denied everything when I questioned him. So seriously who made up all this crap? A lot of frustration is coming from a lie yet I don't know such a lie is from him, or her or both of them...Another hours elapsed with anger, ranting and raving, awfulness and depression(from him)...

I know I shouldn't be this angry, admittedly I am a really cranky person, which I know my emotional activation has gone too far. My feeling is my self defense, as well as an indication in respond to something  that I find I may get hurt. It's more like a protest, a wish to let the other person to reverse the reality... I may direct my anger at somebody else, only if that person hit the right time while that explosion is likely to be taken place. To reduce my magnitude of anger is hard because I have such a strong personality :S I read this article about the reaction to distressing emotions, I like this quote the best when it says 'destructive acting out may look angry, but the person doing it may not feel much. Since feeling is required for healing.' Indeed, I didn't feel much when I let it out, pass on my anger to another person, side note: I am super healthy in my own way...>.>...

Just a thought to when you ceebs shed a tear, anger can at times be a cover...

At the end, nobody ever knows how others would feel, maintaining social relation can be really retarded. We all think we sound right with all good intent in our standpoints, therefore the emphasis on expectation to others can fatally kill that relationship.

I have the attempt to change for the better yet my rebel against life is here and there, so I highly recommend the song 'King of anything', to illustrate my self-reflexive.

Overall, I am just a form of conflict BUT WHO CARES?

Compact I am...

The title is weird, just like me, I am a weird thinker that having some weird ideas...and the things I wanna talk about have nothing to do with my height...

To meet up with my group members in the morning, this might be the really first time I could make a meeting on time...Asked them to text me when they were arrived, but they just came and looked for me in the pc area in level 3 so to save so much hassles

We went up in level 10, looked for a spot where it's towards the stairs, a little corner that nobody would bother our group discussion so that three of us felt free to talk...Unlike the other times, I had some preparation for this group discussion and hence, I did participate on how we can divide our parts into three. Cady and Georgia took so many quotes and have thought about what questions we can use for the activities to get the whole class engaged...Later I left, went all the way down to talk to my lecturer about something important, had lunch in the cafe. One chicken satay didn't fill my stomach fully. By the time I was going to go back to where they were, they left me messages on FB that they have left...I texted Joyce, Joseph, Shabrina and some others if they were at uni during that time. They either had classes or stayed at home>>...So I started doing my assessment in that 3 hours, and I was partially occupied by a lot of distractions from strangers' talk, as well as my other online activities such as chatting to people on Fb...

Somebody seems so upsetting about what I said, I am such a mood killer from my harsh words, not like I want to be one, I am just the one. He stopped replying for an hour due to some unknown reasons...

Btw Jack is super skinny from his photo...He has chin now!! Ailin has asked me about the difference between differentiation and modulation in terms of that analysis...Also Enoch and I have shared a great moment talking about our tutor and what we think about our course....

That hypersensitive panpan finally went to have shower, I pushed him to go as he kept calling himself as an unloved one...

Ahhh really, this is my day...zero significance, well, maybe just some? I don't really know, weird and hilarious compact I am as always lol

Just a lil thought of mine

Nothing much to mention today. Finished somebody else's assessment. I am done for the day...

Nah, of course I am joking...

Somebody replied back with a super short message last night. He thought that's too harsh to send such a short one to my long one, so I received another 4 lines today... I don't know why but when he said something like next time you don't need to send a long one but short one will do, but still thank you, I felt rejected...

Just like he's telling you that no matter how much you are trying, I would not change the way I treat you like before...That's more like a request of wanting to keep you away from his life; a line that has drawn between us that I can never go across; and a removal of any kinds of expectation.

It's something that meant to be happened. He used to tell me you cannot always get what you want, and now himself has proven his favourite quote, you lost, you gain something/someone else. You gain, you move on, you forget and you turn your back to that person. It's sad to know I ain't like this...

Just how outlandish I am...you push that away, why can't you just let it go?

Her birthday :')

A long story...

• I woke up at 6 to set up everything before I left for uni. Things such as printing out those 5 pages of 4500+ words length letter and then cutting them into 51 pieces
• Subsequently hiding all of them at different spots all over the house, some spots can be really tricky that they take some time and thinking to figure out
• I minimized the noises I made when I walked, got her laptop from the living room also closed the door to reduce the printing noise the printer made
• Halfway through hiding, I was going to get something but she just got up and walked out of her room, saw me, scared the shit out of herself nearly screamed>.>
• I soon came back to my room hiding the rest of my paper under my sheet...waited until she went back to her room, continued with that....
• Left her an instant message on qq to hint on some specific locations that she needs to look for her treasures
• In uni, I didn't skip lecture this time but went and listened to it for half an hour, fell asleep the rest of the lecture due to fatigue I had...
• Lecture finished, saw Shabrina was coming after me, I called her a lucky bastard when she got no classes after that
• Saw Enoch and his friends right after I saw Shabrina, talked to him a bit then I headed to the library
• Continued with the talk with him, also greeted Joseph on Fb...Joseph was at home doing his assessment while Enoch was chilling at the lower campus...Didn't really have anyone's company physically, but still happy to have them talked from time to time when I was doing my work, readings and blogging
• Sat with Ailin, Gwinny at the tut, lucky I checked room changed before 15 minutes I attended the tut...
• A lot of discussions involved in that tut, presenters were great as usual, I cannot find any bad presenters so far lol everyone's done a great job in their presentations
• Waited the panpan at central while reading my newspaper on the floor, two German backpackers came, asked me to lend them my phone to make a call
• At first, I was being quite suspicious whether they would run away with my phone but then, I don't think there's any point for them to run away with my phone since nobody wants a dumb phone nowadays xD 
• They failed to contact with that provider of accommodation, with nothing else to do, they were going to pay me with 2 dollars and I was nice enough to refuse two strangers offer>.>(Should I have accepted it?>.>) Anyways, had a talk with them, also gave them some advice as they just came a few days ago
• Easily made friends with two strangers, the cooler one added me on Fb saying she would msg me whenever she needs help

Ok, up to the part where panpan came, we got on the crowded train and told each other our days. The wrinkly old teacher he's been having made him want to sleep>.> Later, we got the cake from the store in the plaza, the first sight I had for the cake already made me high up a lot...However, I ruined our plan: I asked him to press the bell, he imitated another accent and that got her, I cracked up a lot though=.= So obviously she knew that was us who was trying to troll her >.> oh god...I am such a spoiler...

Funny thing was she closed the door when we walked up the stairs lmaooo naughty mum tried to troll us back>.> 10 secs later, she opened the door, I gave her a bear hug saying HAPPY BDAYYY, observant me has sensed she cried a lot just by her look and her red eyes...awwww *pats pats softly*

She hugged me so tight as if she would never let me go, appreciated of all the surprises I made, though she has complained the difficulties she had, like spent her for coupler hours looking for all the hidden messages..The video I made was also another surprise from all the gathering of my friends saying happy birthday to her. That's another first time I've ever made for her birthday present :) 

That hesitant her finally made up her mind going to have dinner in the restaurant in our surburb...She looks soooooo beautiful tonight x3 as always....It's time for her to bring back her confidence from her birthday :3 We ended up having Chinese food though lool as she still wants to keep every food that may have left her colour away lool Chicken fillets, wasabi beef and another one(forget the name) which was her favourite...Later, bf recognized his friend's mum is the owner of that restaurant nearly to the end of our dinner ~

We flew back to our unit (precisely just me, panpan piggybacked me :3) My feet didn't reach the floor at all til we entered the house...Next time, we should try somewhere far ;)

After we came back, I could feel that I started to get exhausted...We didn't do much but he showed me who he considers as pretty chicks from the list of his friends on Fb~ 

I napped on him, dreamed about something that I couldn't recall after I woke up...Don't know how long I have slept, all I could remember was that he continuously used the thingy to massage my head as well as my shoulders...

Yay, up to the last bit, the cake was TOO SWEET >.>but yes, it looks great with our photo in the centre, just  that type of cake that she always wanted to have :3 

My thoughtful gift ideas have saved so much budgets xD except for the cake which cost me 44$ but that price range is fine, I only did that for her once a year :3 As long as she knows the subtle love I have for her both implicitly and explicitly. If life without the million things she gave me and the tears she shed to save me, I wouldn't know how to be appreciated of a person lovingly... She's wonderful JUST THE WAY SHE IS :3

PS: happy birthday to somebody else as well...

Gift (2)

Briefly speaking (running late to get my lunch later because I am now damn hungry...my stomach is asking me to feed it asap, while I am sitting here around the pc area with some other strangers, just hoping nobody has heard the noises coming from my stomach..>.>)

Yesterday was the last day to make her the birthday pressie, so I told Michelle that I just going to finish that assessment the day after. I seriously wanted to put so much effort into her birthday IN THE REALLY LAST MINUTE...>.>

Oh come on, it wasn't up to my plan I know...I was going to finish the video and letter by Saturday :S but yes...she didn't really talk to me that much last night for some reason, I was assumed it's caused by her unhappiness knowing I was going to join my friend's networked marketing project?

Oh btw, that little yr3 kid I taught in the morning was heaps more naughty than I have thought...He showed me his mother's privacy in the room, I didn't mean to look at it but he intentionally took out his mum's album, told me about her mum's bf and their sex life...I wouldn't have thought of a yr3 kid nowadays is that open minded but yes, millennial generation is getting way too far, I can see how much we have changed just from the reflection of that kid...In addition, he also told me that his mum has photo shot his private part when he was younger, this wasn't that surprising to know since my mum did the same thing when I had my shower fully naked...

Ok back to the gift anyways..finally finished editing my video by 11, had a bit of unhappy moment with that panpan when he told me that he has nothing for her tomorrow...2 weeks of notification, just like a 2 weeks of notification for your assignment, how's that convincible to say you serious did put your dedication/ care about a particular event when u've got nothing in your hand the night before that event is being held...Even though he had his reason, because he couldn't go out when his mum needed help to shave his dog etc, also wasn't sure what to get for her because of the age difference, causing him have no idea what is the most suitable gift...

Reconciliation has to be made because I didn't want to end up having a fight against this before the birthday...So then he recorded, for several times due to several reasons and finally got it right..I put his part into the part where friends say happy birthday to her, and he's the first participant to be seen :3 

After she's gone to sleep, I could get on with her letter, the rest of the 20 paragraphs that had to be done by tonight wasn't a big task, nor spent much time doing it...2 hours was enough and I went teary when I typed just like in the past...Her gift making is not just a single process generating my love for her, but more like a nostalgic shared moment during the time I looked back what we have gone through and emotionally engaged. I call this is an expansion of memories when each year is necessarily for me to use my creativity to bring back everything, as well as how we have felt towards everything...But I love how this has made me feel so touched with my own writing :)

I am really expecting to see what would be happening tomorrow when she finds all her surprises around the house... Night night, sweet dream, indeed, it will be a sweet dream tonight :)