Woman's day. My day....(8th of March)

Going somewhere was optional, so I chose to go with my heart. My heart directed me to go to somebody's house. I knew that I might be much happier to make new friends and indulge myself much more to the games, activities they planned today, but I also knew that not seeing someone on our usual meeting up day will make me miss him more. I typed a long text apologizing to him due to my sense of guilt. Passion sparked once he saw me and pulled me the closest to him. At this point, you just can't find a reason to be mad anymore. This is one of the solutions to calm a girl down all the time, and it's quite effective. I told him about yesterday, the event I went for fun, as well as I have made a few friends there. He then kept teasing me and saying how I cheated on him. And I bit him quite hard on his arm as he used the word that I hate the most to provoke me=.=....

He didn't order any food tonight as he had already eaten his dinner before he left his house. My Korean seafood combination wasn't worth the price of $11. But I did have good time getting my tongue burned while my eyes went all watery. I touched his cheek, he held my hand with both of his hands when I was still eating my meal. A lot of small details have escalated to another level of intimacy between us. A type of romance doesn't have to be big, but you feel it, with your heart. I guess I have felt that quite a few times when he hugged me on the bench at the park as we talked; I covered him with my scarf when we both were sitting at the grass in the beginning; sitting on his lapse at the platform where we waited for my train to get home; and our goodbye wave at each other after he got on his train back to Central...Oh guess what, I bumped into her bf as I was going to go upstairs at the train station, he called my name at the back. I found out that they had couple fights once I opened the door, she was unhappily telling me what he did to her in a way that she doesn't like, and I was asked to talk to him on the phone to solve their problems. They will be fine a couple days later, I guess...

One busy Friday (7th of March)

It's Friday, again, a day that it's filled with family commitment and social events. 

First of all, one thing I like about Australia is that it provides free healthcare services such as the one I went with her today. I have done some research online and found out some facts about 1 in 9 women in NSW develop breast cancer in their lifetime, which is quite threatening for women. So it's better to have some precautions to minimize the chance to get breast cancer for women between 50-74. It was a really quick check-up for her, I was waiting for her outside of that mobile van for only 5 minutes. Then she came out and told me that she felt quite uncomfortable as each breast was compressed between two flat plates on the X-ray machine for a few seconds. Anyways I hope we will be received the result soon...

This is one positive aspect to live here, but here comes with a negative one about Australia based on my own experience with her at the same day. There is no such thing as 'efficiency' in here if you really want to ask me to pinpoint what's so bad about government. And I understand which country I am in now. Thanks for freedom of speech, so now I am allowed to judge the government. There was once somebody told me that everyone who works in that C institution has their own way to process every client's issue. They don't have a systematically universal procedure to solve some problems. In other words, it really depends on their mood and kindness whether they want this issue to be solved in the way the client wants. The only feeling I have towards this fact is as though we are begging them, and it's a must for us to pray for good luck before we go there each and every time. I only assumed that we were with such a bad luck today. We travelled across two suburbs, 4 places only for her request to reduce one hour of her English course. It was rather retarded to describe how insane this was....

Alicia texted me to go to a Malaysian soc event this afternoon. Knowing that I wouldn't be back home til 3-ish, I told her that I would tell her later after I got everything done. Then I met her at the law building at 5pm right after I finished to deal with mum's things. She invited me yet didn't know how to get to coogee by bus so I ended up checking it for her. It took us more than 15 minutes to get there, we talked a bit during the trip, asking how her holiday was, she said it was boring overall. I admitted that I had so much fun at coogee meeting up with so many new friends there though I haven't got anyone's FB, several people have asked for my phone numbers. The first guy who welcomed us to the bbq welcome party was the vice president, he was so kind to talk to us a bit as well as introduced some people to us, two newbies xD...Then this guy, I assumed he's Jamaican, said I look so Indonesian. My eyes went wide, asking him how I look like one O.O as that was the first time I have ever recognized as an Indonesian>.> Btw Alicia loves to take selfies at the beach, she walked somewhere else and left me alone there. So I went to a spot where a few people were cooking the chicken skewers there, waiting for the cooked ones while these two guys started a conversation with me. After I got my chicken skewers on a plate, Alicia came back and asked me to sit somewhere. She's scared of flying birds, just like panpan's friend Fiona. 

As I didn't know anyone there but Alicia, I stuck with her. Seeing most of the people were gathering up as small groups, I thought that I might lose this chance to know some new friends if I don't do anything but sitting there. However, another guy came when he saw two of us were eating alone. I first thought he's a Korean once he told me his name is Jihan or whatever that is, plus he does look a bit like Korean. I instinctively felt that he must have been studying something related to business. And the next second he told me that he's doing law/commerce in his fifth year. We then openly talked about how each of us felt about uni after I was asked to tell him about mine. Somehow I was quite active the whole time as it seemed like we formed so much connection by talking about uni and this Malaysian event. He told me that Satay chicken skewer is one of their Malay traditional food even though admittedly lots of countries have made the same dish, their cooking for Satay chicken skewers is still the best..>.> Later he got my number as he asked if we wanted to go clubbing with him and the rest of his friends after this event. Before he was going to talk to someone else, several of his friends also came to our table talking to us, especially this guy who claimed himself as one of the sponsorship people asking me to join their sports club. I was told that there would be a badminton event this Sunday at UNSW, but I couldn't make it as I got my tutoring on. He then asked me to leave my number for him so he could contact me next time. Right after they went to somewhere else, I was left alone sitting at the same table eating my food because Alicia, once again, said she wanted to take more photos at the beach. By the time I was close to finish all my noodles and rice, I saw this guy who was going to chuck his rubbish in the bin, saw me, and waved at me saying 'Hey....I remember you, you were in that education course, the summer course yeh? How could you drop it right after the first tut...But...You made a really wise choice' LOOL...I was shocked...? O.O I mean...I don't even remember there was this person in my education tut, but every detail he said was correct, he didn't seem like the one who made up some crap just because he wanted to know me. As he was approaching my table, I was still trying so hard to figure out who he was, and if I have ever seen him in that class...He sat down next to me, complaining how crap that course was. He even remembered where I sat by asking me if my new friend who I also met at that first tut was my good friend lool I was truly surprised of his memory. Within a few minutes, we soon became quite talkative. His humour and friendliness have made him quite approachable even though he is a foul-mounthed lool Alicia finally came back after 20 minutes. Once he saw her walking back to my table, he stared at her like one of those slightly perverted look appeared on any guys's faces whenever they see a really pretty girl lool He asked me 'Is that your friend?' I knew what he was thinking. I nodded, and said 'Yup...why lol?' I wasn't surprised the fact that he sounded so straightforward calling her soooooooo good looking hahaha Indeed Alicia IS really good looking. Then he added 'I mean, you are also reallly good looking. You two are the most good looking girls in this event. I see others are like....so so....' He whispered to me when he described them as 'so-so looking'. But I found that rather amusing for him to add such a judgement. Insulting? Maybe a bit. Because his intention to talk to me has became way too obvious..So I was also being quite straightforward saying 'wow...aren't you scared that I tell other girls what you just said? lool And you are just coming here for GIRLS...??' He then quickly denied that, and talked about something else. He likes my ring so much, as he said 'it looks so sick'. He even joked about if I can use my folk-shaped ring as utensil for eating. But yeah, it was a really good talk between us. He didn't mind at all getting me some chicken nuggets afterwards. Lastly the same guy who I asked if the food was cooked came to our table again. He just casually greeted me again and sat next to me asking if I was enjoying the event so far, as well as the chicken skewers he cooked lool I only saw him as a laid back type once he started putting his feet on the bench with bare feet. Maybe he was too comfortable knowing new people no matter we mind or not lol But it was really kind of him telling me so much about Malaysian culture. Later I suggested him to look for his shoes because I saw so much dirt on the floor lool 

Today was such a good day, in a way that I didn't even need to try to move my ass to make friend with people, they just came up to me instead. I wasn't sure if Alicia has enjoyed this event as much as I did though, because she was the one asking me to go, also the one asking me to leave 20 minutes before the event actually ended. Btw she asked me to join this Korean dancing studio with her. Let's see if I have more time to do that..

After I got home, I didn't have much time talking to panpan, and I fully got yelled at by her again because of my ear-piercing which is still not cured yet. I was told that I wasn't allowed to wear earrings til the infection was completely gone. *sad face*.... Ahh and...sorry that my jelly mode was on as soon as I saw somebody's ex inboxed him. I wasn't rational enough to control my anger. I knew that what I said was so wrong too, in a sense that I put my focus on his ex so that forgot to wish my ex a happy birthday at the end of the day =3=....Ahh...Sometimes I don't understand myself either...

Ordinariness(n+) (6th of March)

Today is another ordinary day staying at home. It has been sunny the entire day. I was awaken by her at 8-ish before she left the house. But tiredness has made me go back to sleep half an hour later. I didn't spread the blanket properly but simply put the whole thing on top of me. Then I had this dream about treasure seeking all around the school, suddenly this crazy sicko came up to me with this terrible face which I can still remember what she looks like, and her hand moved to where my bag was, grabbed it and fled. I remember I reacted quite quick in the dream, opened my right arm at once trying to catch her, simultaneously I lifted my arm high with my lying position on my bed and found myself awake with this awkward gesture. >.> lol what a dream...

I did some readings again today and watched some talk shows as usual. And I had this feeling of waiting for something to happen...even though I am not sure what or who I am waiting for....

PS: It was really wrong of me to hurt somebody in such a way by mentioning something really sensitive...So sorry...

Options (5th of March)

It was a peaceful day until I got blamed for not picking up her calls at 2pm, right after she finished classes. The fact was that my phone couldn't receive the calls AND messages for some reason. It was a huge misunderstanding overall. This time seriously wasn't my fault not wanting to answer her calls, I even put my phone next to me, to ensure I wouldn't miss her calls. There was even a few times making me wondering why she didn't call me after 2-ish...As we planned yesterday, she asked me to wait for her at the plaza so we both could go and get something from there as she got something for me to ask the counter, as well as I needed to carry that pack of rice with her together. That was quite absurd when she yelled at me why I didn't pick up her calls or reply to her messages yet I had no idea she has ever sent me messages and called me for a few times. She was even more furious as soon as she mentioned her calls were sent to voicemails by Optus, which it automatically charged her at a normal rate. And my voicemail greeting is my friend's voice which I still haven't changed back or removed, so when she unintentionally said something rude, I felt a bit down once she repeatedly mentioned his name.

So I went to woolies with her to get two products she wanted. The spyro curls she bought was for me to curl my hair if I ever go to some special occasions, since she thinks that electric hair curler is less safer to use, also it causes damage of my hair. My mum is like this, the last minute she gives me a tough time when she's impatient and mad, the next minute I will feel so warm seeing her being so considerate. And I was asked to cancel that voicemail greeting by asking that guy who works at there to do it for me. Yeah...that voicemail greeting was gone forever...What happened today might be a sign for me to realise a truth that no matter how long something or someone has lived in your heart, and that you really want to reserve a spot for them to come back, they'll still be vanished by the emergence of some external forces as you have no options to keep them anymore. 

Anyways that pack of rice is relatively heavy for both of us to carry upstairs....After I came back home, I studied for a bit, read through everything for the first week. Also did some online readings plus some articles about the family issues. In my point of view, Chinese parents may not know how to express love physically because they tend to show it through actions. For example, the articles has stated the phrase 'I love you' means more of a commitment for most of the Chinese, whereas for westerners, they can even say 'love ya' so easily to those who aren't even close to them. There is this amusing example from this article, where it says there is this university experimented what reactions the parents would have if their children say 'I love you' to them, the results were most likely negative, as in the parents were bewildered, surprised, or some of them even wanted to dodge the topic. There was a dad saying 'I need to go to a meeting now, talk to you later..' right after his son told him 'I love you'. From reading this article, it makes me feel how different my mum is, as she's an openly expressive one who usually says corny things which make ME want to dodge the topic instead looolll....>.> 

Another article is regarding to Australians think how Chinese love money much more than their families. I agree with them when they list out so many examples that I have seen around me. Chinese is a diligent nation that so much more hard working than any others, even including holidays which are meant to take some days off for them to chill a bit with their families, they hardly choose to spend some quality time with families or spend some money for the families. Another example is quite common to the fact that some couples may live in different cities or countries because of work. For westerners, they think that living afar from one another over three months should be considered divorce for a couple. Seeing each other once in a while is too cruel for them. Not to mention that some of my family friends have been living apart from their partners for more than 10 years, I don't understand how marriage works for not seeing your partner for more than a decade either... :/ Their conclusion is, Chinese doesn't know what life is (have no life...) Humiliating yet true...

Anyways I tried to curl my hair with that new product my mum just bought tonight. It is not so effective as the curly hair only sustained for around 2 hours. But yeah, as she said, I needed to spray my hair first before I do all that...

Lastly I guess I have made myself really clear about something. I have thought about this recently even before we both started uni. However, it may be too early to say this, I shouldn't have brought this up at late night as it has saddened myself quite a bit as well...

One step closer (4th of March)

I barely talk to panpan on the phone for more than half an hour and I just did today, in the morning when I was awaken by his calls.

 Semi casual as for dress code is not that bad, but that has spent me quite a bit more time to think about what to wear was the most appropriate to attend an interview. I was confident enough to go without stress myself out preparing this and that, but I did think about what questions they might ask on my way to that law building. Anyways I was the first one to be there. There wasn't anyone in the room so I texted this guy called Kit Man who notified me to go there for my interview, he replied me with there should be someone there already and that he'll be there in a few minutes. I went to look for a toilet and came back, they were finally here. Four interviewers introduced them to me. The media director is a really nice girl whose name is Nikki, the one next to her is Kelly, and the other two guys are Bernard and Kit Man. It was a friendly talk rather than an interview so I felt quite chill answering all of their questions. She told me that they needed someone who can be actively participating in making videos, designing posters and all that. I think I am this kind of person that they have been looking for since I have this passion to do something similar. They also asked what I wanted to achieve by joining the media committee, I explained my point of view by bringing up the fact that I will be also doing courses in AIT, where it will get me more of hands on experiences. Either joining media committee in a society or applying for AIT, my purpose is the same as to regain my confidence by making myself seem more employable and have something to put on my resume. They seemed to be satisfied with my answers, especially to Nikki who was smiling at me and telling me that I am in. She then gave me more information about how their media department works, which they don't require for regular long meet up hours. In other words, no scheduled time for any teamwork but arrangements will be made at a suitable time for any members, we can just contact each other via FB group chat and be informed by her. After all, I was so happy that I have met some awesome people who we can talk about so much things in common :3

After that, I met up with panpan and we walked to UTS to chill a bit before he started his classes. We finally found some comfortable seats somewhere, he kept telling me about the documentary of serial killers he watched in the morning in relation to the changes of their psychological development. I like to know more about those gruesome stories as they do generate so much excitement based on my own imagination, and that sense of me to depict that pictorial explanation enables me to immerse myself in watching a scary movie as an outsider peeking the horror scenes happening there. But I was too sleepy throughout the entire time when he was talking. Oh I fell asleep deeply on the train too. I was thinking about going home to have some of my nap nap time, but I ended up going to the plaza listening to music, having some snacks and reading the newspaper I took from the train station because only that, I could feel that I did something productive for the day.

Anyways, during night time when I am easily to be so emotional and sensitive, the time when I found out panpan has this attempt to get closer to my brother Corey on purpose. Yes, I have my judgement based on what Corey's actions were. Yes, I am a really dogmatic person inclined to go for a possibly wrong presumption of a person whenever I have this tendency to look back on my past, where I got hurt and betrayed by some particular people who did the same thing to me, I don't ever let anybody hurt me again. And this is just the same thing to trusting issue which I uphold this principle of nobody can be fully trustworthy. Knowing how badly he wants to make friends with anyone he encounters, while me having this worriment of the possibility that anyone might take away something from me, I was angry at a seemingly irrational yet valid reason. I do understand those friendship theories and all, like how you should make connections for your future benefits etc. He was doing Corey a favour, I clearly knew that too. Maybe somewhat I just don't have this interest to trust a person, the one that I feel secure with, and hence being alert to someone who seems likely to hurt me in some ways or take away someone important in my life after I have lost some important ones when I was being so nice before.

To me, anything or anyone can change within one step. Promises are non-existent. To make something happen, or to stop something happening is to avoid having that one step...  

Day 1 in Year 3 (3rd of March)

I was awaken by that excitement to go to finalise my enrolment in AIT today. Though I was late to my first lecture in uni because of that long walk to AIT. The Jap teacher is funny enough to maintain all of our interest by ironically laughing at her minor mistakes of teaching, as well as using that 'shower' joke for several time to make the whole lecture lively. Any successful lecturer uses the similar method by turning the class into a comic room because they create a relaxing atmosphere within the crowd by integrating themselves to one of us, making us to feel equal without any hierarchy. During the conversation practice time, I couldn't find a partner as I was the only one sitting at the very front row. By the time I got into that lecture hall, the seats were almost full...Luckily for every lecture, there will be so many supporters on the side assisting us to have a larger room to improve. Just like today when I didn't have a partner, this supporter came to me and practiced the whole dialog with me. Oh and I exceptionally love that quote the lecturer put on the slide where it says 'If you talk to a person in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart' The aim to learn a language is not only confined to understand that nation and culture, but to explore more of yourself as a communicator...

Anyways...I met up with Haiwon after my lecture. My epic long break caused so much boredom in that first hour because there wasn't anyone accompanying with me, until I texted 4 people if they were also having any breaks any sooner, they all replied me within a few minutes. I picked Haiwon at the end all because I treat her as one of my closest friends in uni. Once we saw each other, she hugged me happily. We both then agreed to go to the food court first to get our lunch together. She recommended me to get the turkey sandwich which is cheap yet yummy. Later on we went outside to talk while eating. As we haven't seen each other for almost one semester, I got hell lots of things to tell her, such as my application for AIT, Mardi Gras a few days ago and my birthday. I even showed her some pictures taken from Mardi Gras. She holds a neutral attitude towards the photos I took, though I do know she does find that kind of disturbing since she's a Christian. We moved back to indoor when it started to rain afterwards. But we never stopped our awesome conversation. To me, she's such a good listener, that kind of listener I like to have as my friend who doesn't interject when you talk, and responds appropriately. After our lunch, she suggested to go look for her lecture hall, and our textbooks from the bookshop. She was there with me the whole three hours, she didn't leave til my lecture started, such a good friend she is :)  I don't know when will be the next time I see her again, I only hope that it will be really soon...

Oh the lecture was alright-ish. I ain't saying the lecturer is not good. He will be a perfect lecturer if only he could speak slower, much slower. I saw none of my friends were taking much notes down because if they did, they might have missed out a lot more contents than the ones they have taken down. Especially I was sitting at the back row with Shabrina, Michael, Bianda and the rest. In the beginning of the lecture, I was supposed to look for Ailin and Gwinny, but then I couldn't spot where they were after I went in late. Shabrina called my name at the back, so I went. But I was also quite happy sitting with Shabrina and the rest too. And Gwinny and Ailin waited for me after the lecture so we could all walked together. Btw Ailin got a bf all in a sudden. That guy was also in our lecture lool Congratulation to Ailin who no longer feel lonely xD 

lol...I saw another perverted guy on my way home. No giving any further description here because those people are all the same...=.= Btw I had a great talk with her bf, the one who also goes against the idea of 'gay marriage'. Either he told me on purpose, or he accidentally revealed a secret of his, I don't know, I was shockingly impressed by his courage to tell me this, that's all. Oh and as we mentioned about the first time I saw him, I only thought that he's a such a decent one for her. To be honest, I find them really cool. I don't get why people will discriminate them. They are just a bunch of awesome cool people, and nice ones. He even said that he'd come to my graduation ceremony if I invite him to, he'll take a day off or so if he's needed too :) hahaha thanks man xD Oh and thanks for giving her a surprise tonight too :D

My naughty customer (2nd of March)

I really miss seeing that naughty kid on Sundays. I thought I would never see him again; I thought his mum has found another tutor for her son after a month of no response; I thought that I got fired because I wasn't the one she wanted, blame myself for being not strict enough if this is the reason she never called me back again...I didn't know how much I enjoy tutoring a yr 4 kid until I saw his face again today. That feeling was as though he's my long lost friend. The only difference is that he isn't really my friend, but my naughty customer.

His mum asked me to check his homework first, then finish one unit for each workbook. If only he could have done some work, as in, if he could seriously put some efforts in doing his homework, we could get them all done as we planned. However, he has made almost every mistake he could to so many questions, even to those ones that he's supposed to get them all correct. I was assumed that he might fully rely on either his mum or me to help him to double check the answers because clearly he didn't even read/ comprehend the questions beforehand. For example, when he's asked to look for the place value for a number, he wrote numerical form instead. I guess that's why he's been always making stupid mistakes, he seems like a really smart kid but not able to concerntrate on things he reads. But he did learn so fast once I gave him some examples to illustrate the concept. Btw...yes...I was meant to be tutoring him English but checked his Math homework as he got so many answers wrong. Surprisingly he was quieter compared to before. Funny how he said I got him so nervous and scared when I have became a bit controlling with a poker face in the beginning. He even said I have changed because the way I look and the attitude I had when I tutored him today. But then again I didn't want to be like other strict tutors who use their traditional way of teaching a kid, I tried to be strict yet I let him chill. Don't ask me how I can balance those two. Oh and I wasn't trying to be entertaining. Saying something dirtay...is just my nature O.O I wasn't even laughing at all when I shocked him with such a comeback 'If you don't let me touch your paper, I'll touch you. You want me to touch you? You want that huh?' after he didn't let me touch his paper(I was only checking=.=) when he was writing his remarkable wrong answer to a simple question=O= He started laughing and said to me 'Why are you entertaining me, it's so funny that I can't even write stuff with my hand now' I was like 'I wasn't even trying>.>' Another funny moment when he was asked to look for a word to fill in the blank based on the definition given. He wrote 'daze' to the definition of 'something that badman and superman are in common' lol >.> Honestly...I seriously didn't want to laugh but his mistakes are really that funny as always. 

Btw he asked about how my birthday was during our tutoring. Like I seriously didn't hope he'd remember my birthday just passed a few weeks ago. I sorta felt touchy when he remembers it even though he got the date wrong haha...But I just think that his mum has been worrying too much for his future in his really young age.

And I got an international call from that fatty tonight. I told him about Mardi Gras and all that have happened recently. He then asked me to send him some pictures, but as I know, he isn't a hardcore person like me who find nothing disturbing. I also told him about my exchange plan which is not supported by our economic condition, yet I believe that there will be one day this become true. And same as the usual him, he likes to teach me how I should see life as an enjoyment instead of a burden, and make sure I can handle all the stress before I make any decision by thinking about both of mum and myself. I know that he's been quite supportive no matter whatever I want to do or achieve. If there is one day I have everything that I want and that anyone asks me who has inspired me all this time, the first person comes into my mind will be him, who has been my role model teaching me what real life is. Experiences have taught him what not to do, what not to go beyond your own ability, what should be done and how something is supposed to be done in order to follow the nature, and simultaneously to ensure your own benefits. This may sound more of a businessman, but he was, and he still is, also has this attempt to invest this part to his daughter. Everytime when I finish talking to him, I have this urge to do more in my life. As he said, both of them haven't done anything big in their lives, but adventurous me push myself to do things in order to approach my goal. Bravery will get me much further, but most importantly is that, I have two supportive ones right there at my side no matter wherever I am, whatever I do...