Ongoing sickness...(22nd of March)

• Sickness has added so much more tiredness to my body when I walked to somebody's house. 
• This time, I finally remembered to save premiere pro to my usb once I got to his house. 
• Passion ignition in that 2 hours after we haven't seen each other for almost 2 weeks. You seriously have to admit that it has taken a huge part in our relationship. And closeness is mostly generated from physical attraction..
• It was so risky that my existence nearly got found out by his mum. Lucky I walked back to the back where I could hide myself, but his dog was walking back and forth which made me so scared if his mum'd feel weird so to check on this side. >.>
• Yup...ongoing awkwardness on our way to the train station
• He told me something about his courses and weekly discussion addressed to some particular issues that they have to talk about. Don't know since when we started talking about the film, Harry Porter. That just reminded me of that humiliating fact that I have no childhood as people most likely think that reading the books/watching the films of Harry Porter's is one of the must-to-do list in our generation..
• Our talk at the park was fine with less awkwardness. Besides, he saw his friend there so they both talked for a bit. Occasional rain was pretty annoying though, walking back to Eddy Ave so we wouldn't get wet was the only option for us to get to that Viet restaurant. 
• I couldn't order spicy/fried/cold food. So I ended up having a seafood udon which I was quite unhappy about the udon they cook. For some reason, udon was so damn short for my chopsticks to pick up...
• Continued on our awkward conversation at the park after our meal in the rain
• Terrible coughing nearly got me puked on the train...
• Not letting somebody go was a really ridiculously crazy and childish act to end our day. But that attempt to leave me is so fishy too~
• Anyways...I had gone quite sick after I got home, to the point that I had to get up and lower my head on my bed because dry throat couldn't let me stop coughing...Then mum swapped sheet with me and put some oil over my back, claiming that is one of the Chinese traditional ways to lessen my coughing at night...
• I guess it did work as I fell asleep afterwards...

Get well soon me...(21st of March)

Cough cough...Yes I am sick...Despite I am sick, I still need to do some work. And I did. Not some, but heaps, heaps of work.

I couldn't finish my online discussion forum as I just totally lost interest to continue on my long paragraph. It seems like most of the people are trying so hard to impress the tutor even though he already said we only needed to provide ideas succinctly within one or two paragraphs. People are just way too competitive these days. 

So somebody asked me for help but sorry I just can't. I've got a paranoid one here, she may think it as a strange act to have another bank account under my name but I ain't the one using it. Ahhh and I felt a lot when I could hear grandma's voice on the other end, but happy that she's doing good there. I only wish that somebody else can live with her so she won't feel lonely anymore..

She came back from her school, telling me how good her harmony day was with her friends in the school. I've never heard of such thing as harmony day in the school, but presume that sharing everyone's cooking is something mum and her mates find pleasurable to do. 

Somebody's so dumb btw. He was no fun to be teased with. That troll was meant to make him so happy after he heard the good news, but he was so slow to get that right...so yeah...dummy...see you soon~have lots of fun flirting with people...

AIT classes (20th of March)

I didn't expect to see Thai brothers during my pre-production lecture in the morning. It was more like an unintentional looking for a seat at the back because most of the seats were taken once I got in. Then I walked all the way to the back row where Game and Kael were also there but I didn't realise it was them until I sat down lool Our first lecture was so easily to be understood. I've learnt most of the filmic elements in my first year in uni so I was only chilling at the back enjoying my time watching that short video clip she showed towards the end of the lecture. Later on, we were asked to form 7 groups to discuss 7 different genres with others. I was more than surprised when I was the first student called by the lecturer that was being put into the group of 'horror'. After we all moved to our groups, I was with 7 others mind mapping every possible horror related component that we could think of. There was this girl next to me talking a lot. But I wasn't really paying much attention to her talk when the tattoos on her arms and the back of her neck are much more eye-catchy than that. Anyways, we did have put down quite a few good ideas there.

The next class was digital images class where I got to use Illustrator CC again to trace something. We did a skull this time with our pen tool only. There wasn't much new things to learn in the second tutorial. It was more of an extending practice of what we have learned from the last class. But I learned some extra skills from my own exploration when I quickly finished my task. The reflection, anchor points joining between two images and quickly centralising an anchor point were something new to discover by using this program. And I noticed this guy who was sitting two seats away from me smiled at me for a few times, even when he gave me that attendance sheet. Guess what, he was in the third class with me again. 

Anyways, Game fb me right after I finished my class. As we have planned the night before, he said he and his brother would wait for me so we could have lunch together. But well~we were just going to a shop with him to get his sausage roll as Kael, didn't want to spend a buck to get himself something, and I, had my bread already. We just couldn't have more time to go somewhere else as there was only less than 20 minutes left to our next classes. So Kael suggested to stay somewhere at the back of the street. I raised my eyebrow, gave him this sort of expression as though I wanted to go back to AIT, not until I got to say a word, he said to me 'Don't be so picky' >.> Oh I kept teasing both of them as clingy brotherhood when they have completely the same timetables. I was like 'Game...don't you feel sick to stick with your brother for 6 or 7 hours in a day?' He then said 'Yeah~I actually I do, but he wants me..' Kael spanked his head quite hard telling me that he was actually the one wanted to be with him. So I seriously had no idea who wanted to stick with who, they both are clingy I guess? :3 But then, I went =.=||| when Kael said something like 'Yisha, you are just jealous of me having someone in all of my classes but you don't :3' 

Ahhh yes, it's true to have someone around, especially that lunch break we just had. Imagining how lonely I would have been if two of them weren't there. Soon to go back to AIT, the last class I had was pre-production and I was 5 minutes before the class actually started. By the time I got there, two guys were sitting quite far from each other. But I immediately recognized the one who was sitting at the right corner where it seems like he wanted to isolate himself or something lol Wasn't he the one smiling at me for a few times in my digital images class? Trying not to sound too sudden or feel embarrassed if I recognize the wrong person. I moved to somewhere close to him, and asked if he's also doing digital images. As he said yes, also smiling at me back. Then I go 'Were you the one sitting at the third row in that class before the lunch break? I was sitting two seats away from you, not sure if you can remember me' Then yup~I made a new friend xD His name is Mod, the third Thai peep I know from AIT lool We talked a lot, I mean new friends always are able to create a good conversation because everything from the other person is unknown for them. Soon some others came in. Two white guys wanted to sit next to each other at the back but I took the middle seat, so either of them had to move to somewhere else. I nicely said to one of them that we could swap, then they both could sit together as they wanted. He then asked me not to worry because he didn't want me to stand up and move lool But the way he said was quite hilarious and nice, to the point that I have already liked this class because everyone is just so friendly. He turned around and said to me loool we are all friends, I don't care about him (pointing at the other guy), I want to know more new people :D...He reached his hand, waiting to shake mine while introducing himself. So yup~second new friend... 

A few others were behind me talking about cultural differences and stuff like that. Mod and I turned around and joined the conversation during our 5 minutes of break. I should say in that class, I didn't feel any stress. A single thing can be explained so much more detailed due to a small amount of people here, unlike in uni where everything quickly runs through in that 2 hours. This is one good thing about AIT, a small college that everyone knows one another, and hence more connections are being formed. Yippeeeee...I am happy :3

Well...I may not be able to see panpan on Sat so yeh~

Long day (19th of March)

Good thing that I wasn't late for my first class at AIT but by the time I got there, seats were almost taken. I went to the second computer of the second row, ready to leave my bag on the floor, the tutor told me that I needed to sit somewhere else because that's her seat. I then went to the front and sitting next to a white guy. I really like his afro hair. The next one hour was all about instruction to what to do/ what not to do in the class, some contact details of the tutor, and she also showed us the comparison between good assignments and bad assignments using her past students' work as examples. Once I knew that we were going to use Illustrator CC, my urge to learn it faster than everyone else in my class has pushed me to search for some resources during that 15 minutes break between. Most of the people went outside to chill, I was there sitting still to open that software and start exploring. When the tutor came back, she started screen monitoring all of our computers to teach us how to use illustrator CC. At that point, everyone else was a noob being confused about how to use a few tools she just taught. Lucky I did some preparation before so it went quite smoothly for me to start practicing my tools with some pictures. The afro guy was still waiting for his software to load while I have already started doing the second image. He then said to me 'You are so smart, I should have opened my software beforehand.' I helped him for a few times when he didn't know where to find the tools and how to use them on the pictures. And after the class, I stayed for another 10 minutes when everyone was gone.

As soon as it reached 11, I headed all the way back to uni to have my Jap tutorial. One hour is indeed not enough for me to have my lunch and travel back from AIT to UNSW. So I ended up having my lunch on the bus at the back, and finished my last a few bites in the beginning of the class. I was shocked that the tutor called me to answer a few questions right after I swallowed my last mouthful of bread. Funny how everyone was laughing at me when I cleared my throat for a few times before I actually answered her. Then she used me as an example to ask everyone in the class to repeat what I just said, now I guess everyone knows what my name is as my name was repeatedly being used.

That one-hour break before my next seminar was for me to prepare for that 2 minute talk. However, I got distracted by talking to my USA friend who told me that he has graduated and waiting for his result now. And I seriously didn't know most of the people read a formal speech after the tutor asked us to stand at the front to talk for 2 minutes. I was down there saying to myself CRAPPPP...Because obviously I only marked down some key points on my paper. I guess that was one of those moments turning all my anxiety due to lack of preparation into some extra confidence I had so that I wouldn't sound like an idiot when I talked. He smiled at me when he called my name though, I went to the front telling him that I didn't make up a proper speech but a really informal one. He then said 'don't worry, just stick with your informal style, say what you want to say/' In order to not make myself sound awkward, I brought up some facts that I noticed from the lecture, using them as examples to illustrate my perspectives. During that 2 minutes of talk, I linked everything to a more theoretical sense instead of giving my personal examples because at the end, I ran out of time lool My point of 'double bind' has taken most of my time but tutor was appreciated as none of them has talked about this yet. Later, when he did his theoretical talk after everyone finished their talk, he once again pointed out that 'double bind' concept which I have mentioned in my speech. And group discussion was good. The example Andrew has given us is the theory of play in which the monkey fight can sometimes be a play in their way of communication, when in our understanding, we see it as an aggressive act. What it means here is that the perception we get from communication can be varied, the mood signs of another cannot be indicated as a complete realization to our automatic response because there may be a falsified context existed. Now that's why we always misunderstand others...

Last seminar was sooooooo good I have to say. My friend Kai told me that he couldn't remember the whole list of hiragana, extending, gliding sounds and all that due to his lack of sleep. Those things just can't get through his mind and that everything would be wiped out a few hours later. But I can tell that he works really hard, also feel sorry for him have to travel 2 hours to UNSW everyday. Oh and we moved to the next room half an hour later because that one is much bigger and brighter. Then our group was added with two other girls and another white tall guy. I paired up with Natalie when we were asked to practice some questions. And the final role play task has been so fun to work with other group members. Kai was my assessor so he only suggested me to bow more. I soon reckon that Kai is such a good student because he spent another 20 minutes or more to talk about his problem to the tutor after the class. And I was there waiting for him as we planned to go back to Central together. One of the suggestions from the tutor was to ask him to form a study group with somebody, the next minute she looked at me who was standing next to him, asking if we were good friends so I can help him out.  After we walked out of the class, he told me how he used to learn German in yr12 and found it quite easy, at least much easier than Japanese. Well, for white, European languages are another forms of English so definitely German is much easier than Japanese which is made up of hiragana, katagana and kanji. One of his friends is doing Chinese and commercial Japanese in UNSW at the moment, he only finds that incredible to speak a few languages when he's already struggling to learn Japanese. As we both dropped off at Central, he asked me if I would be in the lecture next week and I told him to sit at the front with me so I can help him out.

Oh and hmmm I wonder why I'd check out some beautiful dresses at late night...Am I gradually changing into more ladylike but I just don't know?=3=

Unknown friendliness (18th of March)

That enthusiasm I saw from that receptionist is enough to brighten up my day. Her lively tone of voice and that big smile on her face emerged once every 10 to 20 seconds to every customer she serviced. That act of her empathy towards that crying lady was so considerate too. Also she is really clear minded to know which customer comes first and next to make sure nobody has to wait. This is what efficiency should be like. This type of service should be promoted in the public more..

Not to complicate things whenever you see a person from the government. They may have heaps of question left unanswered only because they need to. Her provider isn't serving any clients today so instead, they have chosen another person for us to talk about her issue. This Malaysian who seemingly has a much higher position than the rest picked me. And she thought that I was the one asking to see them til I pointed at my mum, told her that I was just there to interpret for her. To her kindness, she wanted to test her English without my assistance. After a few questions being asked and answered, I started to tell her what our purpose to go there today. As she isn't really the provider, she didn't know much about what situation we actually are. I told her that we were there to get a document that the last provider asked us to come back 2 weeks ago. The only look on her face was perplexed, and been wondering what this has to do with them. I tried to explain everything but I was only making it more and more complicated as mum who was next to me interjecting at times. She became so much worried as though this lady wouldn't accept our request because of me. She has gone uncontrollably uneasy when I asked them to ask this provider to talk to her last provider what we really have to do. Then I was blamed for telling them something unnecessary as they didn't ask for it. The pressure came from both sides, when the provider asked me to explain our situation, and she was asking me to explain what she wanted to say at the same time. I would be panicked if I was younger to deal with such a thing, but I wasn't today, I guess I have gotten used to quite a lot of them from time to time. At the end when the provider came back, she said we didn't need to submit another certificate to update her information. Btw this lady can speak Cantonese pretty well, she even spoke Cantonese with mum when she didn't feel right during that time. And she treated me so damn nice for some reason. Not to mention that she picked me in the beginning before the appointment as she was asked to pick one among everyone was sitting outside waiting. After the actual appointment, she asked where I am studying at, and if I am working or willing to look for a job. I was surprised that she was that free to ask about a customer's daughter's situation. So I bravely asked if she could give me any working opportunities somewhere. Not even within a second, she looked up her folders, highly recommended me to go search for Migas Apprentices and trainees' site when I get home, told me what I should do before I graduate and how hard it is to look for a job nowadays. Basically she has made me a client more than my mum from everything she has done for me. Before we left, she shook both of our hands and wishing me best of luck to look for apprenticeship that I can possibly get. 

This time she doesn't need to worry about going back to that institution. Therefore she was all delightful holding my hand to get some vegies and fruits before heading to the bus stop. By the time we got to the bus stop, there was this guy who was sitting next to us holding a big basket with a puppy inside, sticking out its head to peek around. She has gone all crazy playing with it. Imagining an adult was being like a little girl tickling someone else's dog at the bus stop while everyone was giving you this weird look, not sure if they were thinking how ridiculously friendly she is or how crazy she loves dogs. I guess the dog must have found her so absurd as well......      

The key of changes (17th of March)

I felt so good knowing a new friend during my lecture because we were in pair practicing the conversation then I made my first move to get closer to her during our break. She's a Korean who's doing her engineering degree and majoring in Chemistry. She does look like that kind of friends I want. A bright, understanding, trustworthy and a good listener. I like her so much already once we started to talk because she gave me a really comfortable and relaxed feeling. After the lecture, I walked with her to that engineering building before I went to catch a bus to Central. 

AIT is where I had to go for changing my timetable. Liz, that nice receptionist recognized my face straightaway. And she spent almost half an hour trying to match my uni timetable and AIT timetable. It was quite a hard time to avoid classes clash when some of them have to be taken on either Monday or Wednesday. There isn't any alternative class I can take for one subject of mine. But Liz was so patient to help me out. She appeared quite a lot of adorable faces figuring out how to make me the most satisfying timetable. I laughed at that part when she was joking about if I wanted to take accounting LOL I'd not say my timetable is perfect. Most of my classes will be taken on Thursday with only half an hour break before the last class starts. And for Wednesday, I need to come here to have my morning class done before I head back to uni to attend my tutorial, and another two seminars follow by. Positively speaking, at least I still have two days off. 

On my way back to the train station, I bought two large Sushi roll, and sitting at the upper level of the train station as though I was one of those who was waiting for their train to start their Melbourne journey. Then I heard this vibrating sound coming from my phone. I found out it was Ailin who texted me asking how I have been as we haven't seen each other for a while. There is rarely anyone asking how you have been these days. Everyone only minds about their own business. So if there is really that one person showing some caring towards you, they are really that type of friends you should have in your life.  

My last lecture was about 'ecology of mind', a concept in relation to the idea which in more philosophic dress in form, substance, nature and difference. We were told that media has been pretty misleading, and mind is the culprit causing this whole thing happens. To make a conclusion of that video, ecology of mind isn't only about the brain itself but the constituents of the network tangle everything altogether but has undergone a process that is arranged in an orderly fashion. Without a context, words are meaningless; without a collaboration between one another, a message can't get through the other end, and fundamentally discontinuous the advancement of the existence. The philosophy of this principle is that each component involved in this network is added, re-added, edited, re-edited, formed, and reformed via a series of intervention of relation. That being said, ecology of mind is regarding to the root of media, the very beginning of an evolution, where there this force of attraction between disparate objects are being formed. Simply saying, every relation can be the core of everything else around it, hence it's fundamentally decided to be a key of its own to contribute to any parts of mass media. Nothing can be neglected as minor, nothing is simply said to be an unwanted piece. One could negatively affect the other but beneficial to another. And there won't be a finish point to that due to the ongoing changes that have made so much imbalance to the nature both consciously and subconsciously. Lastly, I totally agree with one of the quotes he has put up there, ugliness is a relation to undermine another relation...That was one of the most inspiring videos I have watched recently during the lecture...

I don't know what I should react towards something tonight. The only thing I know is that I have gone too far, to the point that I have once again, been quite cynical. And the last talk with panpan online was so stubborn. We both think each other as stubborn, but I am even more. I hate being myself, just by thinking about some facts that I have covered, the things that I deliberately do in order to make the changes I want and the dilemma I have are like knots. What is emotional support? If you feel nothing, emotional support is a bunch of crap. What is ridiculousness? I am the one here trying to push people away... 

You let go of things, let go of people is good for both you and them...

son of a b....(16th of March)

This time the kid's behaviour was so terrible. The concerntration was already gone even before we were going to start the lesson. Yup...I was called as a son of a biatch all because I have given someone a tough time to do his work. The fact is, he wasn't even trying so what else I could do? It was clear to know how killjoy I was during the first one hour getting him to do the comprehension bit. I only thought that it'd be even harder for him to start doing that in the second hour. His attention span is too short to be maintained for 2 hours straight. Hence hard things came first, easy shit came second was my original strategy. That was just a wrong decision to deal with such a kid. I really can't find a way to stimulate his interest if this was the part that he hates to do the most. He said I was making him so sick when I fully yelled at him because he was only casually pointing elsewhere after I asked him to prove his answer based on the friggin article. I don't get where the hard part is if the answer is taken from the article. It isn't even a comprehension, but a looking for incomplete sentences quiz or whatever you call it, yet he still says he isn't good at doing this and that. Have you ever tried? Have you ever used your brain to THINK? Have you ever understood how impatient I am yet I can't torture you because I ain't your mum? =.= I know the last 40 minutes were getting much better as soon as he realised I seriously would reflect how terrible he was to his mum...

Anyways...Heaps of people at Belmore park at central were gathered to anti Tony Abbott this afternoon. As long as my train was close to arrive at Central, I saw the park was filled with hundreds of people with big banners holding in their hands. I decided to walk out of the train station and have a look at what happened there. Not a minute, I found out there was a big march in Sydney as some of them were crossing the road with me at that moment. I walked through the crowd, tried to get to the really front to see who was making a speech there and letting everyone scream to the top of their lungs. I mean, everything has drastically changed within months since the election. Cutting funds in most of the sectors that doesn't seem to be beneficial to the poor has already triggered so much negative thought within the public, if education is another one involved, what else is left here? I guess I should move all the way back to China if this really happens? It's time for democratic people to fight back. I am looking forward to seeing a positive outcome sooner..

Before I finish this post, I just want to say...Stressing days are starting now. Study, study and study...

I finished my comment for that discussion forum before I write up this post. However, no matter how hard I try, some of my colleagues' posts are still so much more academic than mine. I see how much research they have done there with quite a few of shared links to their contributions. :/ oh welllllllsssssss....

PS: always know their problems will be solved. Time is the solution...