EAT it all up.. (19th of April)

Ultimate disappointment - a guy is still a guy, nothing can change their nature

You know what has been stopping me from checking someone's message? It's the disappointment I don't wish to have. I never have a good mood after I check it, each and every time. Someone's name appeared on his recent contact list, I clicked that and skimmed through their conversation. Nothing seems to be interesting but the only two things I noticed was the dates and he called her; the only feeling I got from all these info was one word: CARING... Either being flirtatious or being a gaming freak, you really can't change their nature, they are who they are. If you don't accept them, just leave, maybe I will one day, or I should~

Temporary happiness - STUFF that jealousy with food, EAT it all up...

Thai food, spicy food, spicy Thai food is to naturally get you on fire. Confronting a problem but repressing your madness during dinner time because you still wanted to enjoy your meal. >.> I enjoy my meal first and get mad at you later. But please don't take my silence as I am alright, I am cool with what I have found. 

Explosion of problems - Emotional instability under one cold night

Thanks for letting me to be one super hero by wearing your jacket. My mischievousness comes out of no where; my craziness doesn't stop me from being a 10-year-old; and my age, isn't a reason for me not to act the way I like. Nothing can be a problem. There is only one problem when emotional instability takes over. With half joking and half seriousness, I demanded to check his message. Now this time, you can't say I have no permission to get access to your privacy. But what I got at the end, a 45 minutes of silence from him who was sitting there like a stone. Adding to the coldness of the night, he froze. With no attempt to hold back any tears, he only stared at me blankly with teary eyes. I wiped his tears away, hugged him back and softened my voice to make him feel that I do care about him. Please don't ask me such a question of why romance can still spark between us when a problem is unresolved, you know, bringing two people together, with nothing in common or connection is already one mystery. I don't get how passion comes from when madness has empowered your own mind. However, if you are not a ruthless person, seeing someone cry is indeed, really heartbreaking. 

I can't find a way to describe whether my relationship is good or bad. Nor can you say there is actually a scale can really measure how good/bad a relationship is...I can only say, the more you struggle with someone, the more you understand who you are as they are your internal triggers to enact certain actions...

We learn each day (18th of April)

I don't think I can ever be awakened by my alarm. Mum can be my only alarm in my house and she wakes me up with LOL (lots of love). The first thing I received today was her 'Happy good Friday' before she tickled my feet...

After lunch time, we had our time talking for a bit but soon, I went to her room to sleep. She only found me sleeping in her room half an hour later. She was going to drag me out of her room to do my work as claiming that I've got a lot to do today. I murmured: 'I am so tired...I need to sleep....leave me alone' while slowly moving my body rightwards, and quietly without knowing she already lied next to me. I only knew that I've been sleeping with mum for 3 hours after I woke up lool

After all, I didn't get to have any productivity today because my slack mode was on. My good Friday shall be chill and peaceful, watching or doing something I like that made me have no chance to do my uni or ait work >.> lol. I read several articles somebody sent me via wechat. One of them is a memoir of Titanic, recalling the disaster. Unlike how the movie Titanic shows, most of the passengers seemed to be quite calm. I can't find a reason not to be touched by reading one particular paragraph where it says, when the ship started to sink, at the last moment of dying, everyone around me interpreted their love to their loved ones. Most importantly is that they wanted to let them know how much they love them and want to be with them the really last second in their lives. And I truly worship those ones who had sacrificed for others during this disaster, like the richest and the second richest men in the world at that time gave up their opportunity to be survived because they truly believed that they had responsibility to protect others. However, as it has pinpointed at the end of the article, there is no such a rule required men to make a big sacrifice, it is only their option to save others in need. Additionally I really think that true love can only be alive if you don't let someone's hand go when facing death or threat...They were a bunch of real heroes *bows*

Another article I read is about a dog called Bobby spent the entire 14 years guarding the grave of his owner, later he became one of the prominent figures in Edinburgh. For me, his loyalty lets us all feel ashamed. 14 years...In today's society, I can barely see who really has this loyalty towards someone for this long...The movie 'Hachi: the dog's tale' is another example deepens the meaning of loyalty and love, which is one lesson we all need to learn before learning other things.

Third thing I need to mention here is something I have learned about our former president, Julia Gillard, a woman who is politically smart but never had this attempt to form a family the rest of her life because in her eyes, career is her one and only priority. You can never imagine how cold a person could be until you witness their success. I guess you can call Kevin Rudd deeply felt betrayed when the one he helped to get to where she was at that time turning her back to him and taking over his position. But you can't deny that she really is one political elite knowing what is the best for her, except that she also has lost a lot at the same time. Loss and gain always come together, what one has missed with what attained...After all, this is just a real life principle that we all have to understand and accept...

...I had another deep talk with her during our dinner time. Telling her what I will be doing and what I want to do, she does assume all the time that my life can never be easy in the future. But she respects my own choices to achieve something I have passion about. Her action is to give me the unleashed freedom, a really important lesson to others to learn, let your child's dream fly, don't be afraid when they fall down, eventually they will pick themselves up and keep walking forward. Helping and giving them advice is to prevent future harm but at the end it's themselves who make up their minds. Her protectiveness is in no doubt, but she's starting to understand when to put down the fences for me to explore something risky outside. During numerous dinner talks we have had these days, I find her quite understandable towards what I really want. Besides, she's been a supportive one throughout the entire journey of mine. The only difference is that her perspectives towards life has undergone an evolutionary change under the influence of wechat, yes, a social media product has injected quite a decent amount of positive principles into her brain, and she's trying to apply them in real life.

Before I finish this post....I really wish my friend who just broke up with his gf after they've been dating for 3 years will be alright...For me, when there is one side has lost interest to the other, this relationship is already over. I guess I'd say such a thing to some others such as Sam, those player types who can easily find their next target but to my friend in this case, I considered how fragile he was from what he told me, I even found myself the first time this amusing when pointing out that much good personality he has, and to tell him to think more positively because many girls could like him lool I don't think flattering someone is my way to comfort someone because normally I tell the truth with harsh words according to how much this person can take. I don't know what others think, in my point of view, flattering a lot usually makes me scared not knowing what this person's intention behind. Lack of sincerity is another one that comes with flattering too.

Lastly, I shouldn't have worried about other's relationship when problems are also existed in mine....After all, we think we all are wise enough to get involved in other's problems only because we are the outsiders so that we can make fair evaluation based on the problem itself. But when it comes to our own problems, everything becomes so subjective...

Easter holidays start now... (17th of April)

So I have learned several other components to add in my screenplay. My brain was surprisingly clear though I slept so late last night. Fingers crossed, didn't miss out anything during the lecture because I was fully concerntrated. Even Game appeared this look saying I should take 6 courses since I can handle them all at once....NOOOO WAYYYYY>.>

note: voice over (V.O.) and off screen (O.S.) are both put on the same line with character's name...new thing to know..

Mod was stick with me the entire lesson since he got several things to ask me to teach him. BUT he was being kind of nosy each and every time asking who just texted me when we were doing our task in the class...Even though I was just informed by my uni friend who texted me that she has already helped me to submit the hard copy of my assignment lool

Tut was overly productively. Thought I wouldn't get to start doing my portrait as I was only starting to select which image I would be using the first 20 minutes. I ended up picking a model picture came up from the list of google image. Tia, the cute girl talked to me quite a bit after the class as we stayed back for another half an hour continuously doing that assignment together. She asked me how to make a layer transparent to show a bit more realism of the portrait, I then suggested her to use gradient to get that effect she wanted. I was laughing at her in the beginning since she told me most of her tut tasks are half done, which means there will be hell lots of work for her during Easter holidays. Remember the deadline is next week Tia....>.>

During pre-production class, I was sitting alone at the corner to keep doing my assignment. Yup, another assignment for digital images but not pre-production...When everyone else was working on their screenplay, I wasn't worried at all but doing something else. 10 minutes later, I was found out by Ashburn who moved next to me, appearing that do-you-know-what-you-should-be-doing-right-now face and said 'Hey~we are having pre-production class' Explaining that I left my film plan home, he added 'btw, when did you send me a request last night lol I only accepted this morning, guess I was already asleep that time haha' Half an hour later, he came to me again asking why I still keep digital images, I then asked him why he dropped it for...Seriously~it is a FUN course!!

But guess what...Just got my second assignment done in that 6 hours at AIT. Much of productivity though there was this girl called Sophie, being super active talking so loud in the room with her friends. BUT she is sooooooo humorous. Her laughter and the way she talks is just so appealing to watch. I didn't even know her lool but her charisma is pretty compelling to the point that I even put down my earphones, and eavesdrop her funny storytelling instead.  And and and and and I am getting really used to using Illustrator now, hopefully I will be even better in the future :)

Btw...There was this funny moment before I left AIT. You know after I came out from the building, there was this gate of AIT was locked...So I was pretty much locked out of the building but locked at that enclosed place between....I was becoming a bit nervous as nobody was there. Thinking what I should do by clicking the staff button at the door to notify if anyone can open the door for me, I received no response....waited and waited for 10+ minutes until 5 people came out....I asked them how to get out of here...A guy showed me by pressing a button somewhere near the gate but too dark to be seen...The door magically opened....I was like =3=..................

TROLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!

Live happily, be amazed with experiences (16th of April)

Someone phone poked me at the train station, I turned and found out it was my brother Eric, and Jodie was there too. Eric has already started having his holidays so he was only going to unsw with his gf...what a clingy one lool I was asked to go to the amazing race this coming Saturday but I hesitatingly told him that's a maybe for me. Eric was sitting somewhere else from us on the train because most of the seats were taken. Jodie and I then had our girl conversation while Eric was a meter away eavesdropping us. And I only was told that Eric and Leon recorded my drunk look from my birthday banging the table. =.=

Meeting Jodie and Eric was such a good beginning of the day plus I finally got to finish my tut task 4, the offsetting colour Chemistry logo image was done and uploaded on Jivi. Now there is only one tut task to go. 

Heading back to uni to attend my Jap tut was sort of in a rush. I was really afraid that I'd be late for 10 minutes but luckily I got there a few minutes ahead because the bus arrived a bit early today. Kiah was already sitting there as well as my filo buddies. I walked in, they both asked if I was ready for the exam. To be honest, I only did my revision in less than half an hour. However, the exam was unexpectedly easier than we thought, it could have been much harder than this especially the listening which I suppose everyone got everything right. I made some errors by adding 'ni' after 'itsu' from the filling the blank questions though, I really wish I could have wiped out that particle to get a full mark in this mid-term exam >3< And and and and and got my quiz back...8.5/10...I don't know what majority people got but I wasn't really satisfied with my result :/

My next 1 hour break was to stay in the library and do my blog post. To my hesitation, I was going to skip my tut but I changed my mind 15 minutes before the tut started. Lucky I went, or else I wouldn't know I got a credit for my blog post. There is still more room for me to improve how to generate a good media blog.

Btw today was Indonesian food fest and their event was held right next to the square house. By the time I left the square house where I just had my tut, I saw so many tents around serving food already, and a main stage was in the centre in front of square house, operators were testing the mic at that moment. I used my 10$ to get 4 chicken skewers and found a seat somewhere next to the uni bar, having Indonesian skewers whilst listening to pop western music as a mix of different cultural tastes.

Bumping into Karen on my way back to the library has made me shooooo happy. She only recognized me one second before she walked pass me as if I was a strange face for her when her eyes were widened checking me out...It is only that I rarely wear 10+cm platforms when I am with her, doesn't mean I can't be girly sometimes. After all, I am a girl, I need to be beautified in so many ways that I can think of to make up my imperfection, such as height... We stood there talking for more than 10 minutes, I got tired and asked her if we could sit somewhere lol Both of us were like two chemical substances being mixed in a container, having effect upon each other and constantly exchanging particles to form that connection. In most circumstances, Karen is one of those selective girls I talk a lot all because her purity is hard to contaminate which I find her so different from other girls I meet. She said uni is hell, which I totally agree with. Remember that time when I first had my emotional outbreak due to one of my group mates had removed a whole chunk of contents I have put up on our group work? I am totally over such a small thing, if you really want to know, this really means nothing when you look back. You suffer from unhappy experience, you know how much it makes you feel crap, you know what has trained you even a stronger person to face bigger problem. That's what I said to her when she told me she forgot to put her name on her mid-term exam chemistry paper when the exam was over, and everyone had to put their pens down. Her 10% was gone no matter how well she did because uni has no mercy towards students' mistakes, and she got to learn her lesson from this. Anyways, she gave me some Easter eggs and introduced a few friends of hers plus I was reminded of sending her my timetable which I never did.

And and and and my editing went well in the library without anyone interrupting me until this girl came and sat next to me, she kept making phone calls and talked so loud in this public place even I found that so not appropriate. Half an hour later, one of her friends came, an asian girl was attempted to help her out with her assignment. I assumed they both were doing an analysis of machine motion or some sort. The asian girl has given her an example to write a better answer for question 3 and pointed out she has repeated herself from what she has already written there. Later on, when the asian girl once again explained how she got her answer, she said that she didn't make sense and that everyone got a different version for their analysis in which she was really confused whose perspective is more accurate. She told the asian girl she negatively thought that she'd fail this assignment, and the rest of their time was a-psychotherapy-like talk the asian girl asked her not to be panicked, not to be nervous, she needed to take baby steps to think through the process etc. I was there slightly nodding, not noticeable of course, and only thinking: ....ASIAN GIRL YOU ARE THE BESSSSSSSHTTTT lool..... asians are just so wise in so many ways you got to admit that...even comforting people *nods*

Anyways mum told me today was granny's birthday, we have been waiting for their calls for the entire night. My cousin asked me to webby with them during our dinner. Thanks for advanced technology this era, everyone has this chance to interact with anyone at the other end of the globe. I saw my cousin, his wife and their newborn baby girl sucking her little finger and they all describe she and I look alike when she also has this little naughty look with big eyes :3 But more importantly is that mum got to talk to her siblings and granny; I got to talk to my fatty :) Fatty is still a fatty, he's still the usual happy him with a really cheerful smile spreading the happiness to everyone around him. He has always been my role model. I can't think of a reason not to like him and be like him. Maybe that's why I have this hysterically ridiculous power to do random shit to crack people up, maybe that's why I don't act like my age. I believe our youthfulness cannot be erased by age :)

PS: late night argument with panpan because somebody has made me feel that way. A feeling that I was completely ignored. I should really have gone to sleep but I didn't. Argument ended by another end's silence as always... so at the end, we slept with the unresolved problem...

Effort (15th of April)

Yup my assumption was right. I rewrote most, if not all the procedures from my research proposal. Reason why I spent the rest of my day to do such a thing, a tiring task is that I am expecting to get a good grade on this assignment before my 50% project is coming in a few weeks.

And and and and and...Procrastinating by searching for good music plus watching online news has taken a few hours because you usually have this tendency to think that there is still extra time for you to do your work >3<...By the time I checked the clock, it was 2pm already. =3= You know how I felt when in fact I planned to wake up at 6:30am to do my work but ended up sleeping in....Setting up 3 alarms didn't really work for a pig like me...Ahhh and Joyce, sorry for the belated photos uploaded on FB >3< But but but we look so good together right? :3

Btw I love the video panpan showed tonight. Mums should all get the greatest award for having the toughest job in the world and being there for us 24/7....It is a really creative tearjerker after all...*thinking about what to get mum in one month...*

Be prepare, be energised! (14th of April)

Woke up at 7:20 to keep doing my research, changed my topic for a bit. Heading to uni 10 minutes before the lecture started. During the lecture, I was still doing my media reading while busy writing down some important grammar points. So 8th of April is Jap Buddhist's birthday...Happy belated birthday to Japanese Buddhist. One new thing the lecturer has mentioned today was religions can be overlapped in Japan. Anyhow, I couldn't spot any of my friends in the lecture, so I was paired up with a guy who also was sitting at the front. As he missed last week's lecture, I taught him what we learnt during our 10-minute break.

My super long 3-hour break was all dedicated to my research proposal. Changing my topic means I have to rewrite some parts of the contents even though the new topic is also closely related to the one before. Trying so hard to look for more data online and found this website essentially illustrating some really good points about addiction.

I like how peaceful my Monday is. Sitting at the very front, being a really studious student and paying full attention to Andrew, the lecturer to give us an informative talk. I usually will go really exhausted between 3 to 5. Somehow my study mode is activated in Monday lectures these days. So today, the main focus was on three components: frames, vectors and hackers. And he spent almost one hour talking about frames. Briefly saying, it's a multifaceted concept, depends on how you view it because frame, the word itself happens to be in so many aspects other than media. Anyways.. you get the gist... :)

Like the usual Monday I had. But today was a bit different. I was trolled by the weather. I remember before I left my house this morning, it says the whole day would be sunny. Or I should say it was really stupid of me leaving my umbrella home...It was pouring for 15 minutes on my way to the bus stop anyways

Life is scheduled for you to organise everything better. Once you have proved yourself that time waits for no man, you start to speed up everything and try to neglect every little unimportant things happen in your life. Guess what, my Jap mid term exam will also be on Wednesday and I only spent less than 20 minutes to revise everything in order to spare more time to do my media blog tonight as well as THIS personal blog. But that's not it, later after I finish everything, searching for a good comic strips will be the last task I have to prepare for digital images tut on Wednesday. But don't worry, I feel great being busy...

excuse my SHORT but amazing post (13th of April)

That type of intimacy between mum and I is hardly found in other mother-daughter-ship these days. Try not to go too detailed here....But I only think that there is nothing we will find it awkward to talk about, not even some hypersensitive topics...

(Note that this post will be so short too) My day has been amajingggg...One of the amazing things I did was to write up half of my research proposal and indulge myself into a sea of academic readings. This assignment reminds me of the previous essay I did for someone, the one was about the popular game angry bird. And this time, my chosen topic is in relation to the most recent game AGAIN...the flappy bird....Yes, I know what I am doing...I did have my second thought deciding whether I should take a risk on a 25% assignment for writing an unfamiliar subject. Mind you that I have never played that game before. But anyways, it's a simple casual game, casual game itself is already carried with a simplistic form of structure. All I need to do is to make it to associate with media concepts that I have learnt, such as habit formation. Sometimes I do hate my hesitation which may cause me to change my mind when later I am all done with my research proposal, what is likely happen is I may rewrite the whole thing if I am not satisfied or being paranoid of my contents. Yes, it did happen before...

Nonetheless almost zero productivity after dinner doesn't surprise me as whenever she's here, asks me to do this and that at times because thinking what I am doing is interuptible will always be my biggest distraction. Writing something long such as my long blog post or thinking something hard such as my assignment which I plan to get a particular part done is not effortless but pretty time-consuming indeed. So cutting my thought at that moment of me being highly concerntrated doing something is NOT recommended. Be careful if I bite you. I seriously will...