Me and my dedication

I was awoken by 10+ crazy phone calls because he promised me he would call me in the morning and he did...But my laziness was able to monstrously and ruthlessly to neglect anything that affected my quality sleeping time including the phone calls... 

But not to the time when that sense of guilt consciously called me back to the reality, where I still freaking got something important to do in the early morning and I am obliged to do so...that's for the money issue and as for a person, I need to have the responsibility... I jumped out of my bed, walked straight up to my living room and turned on my laptop without even brushed my teeth (ewwwwwwwwwwww, this kid...) and guess what... I spent an hour just for searching for the text types for my student, and spent only half an hour to finish my own answers...I had faith in myself that I could still type up perfect answers, even though I only took half of the time a normal person should be finishing that amount of work..anyhow, not just a training for my student who should be taken now before her hsc but also a training for myself to do analysis of literatures quicker :) 

Surprisingly this time I wasn't late at all, not even a minute of lateness...but she was...and she wanted me to go to her house then I was like facepalmed...oh sis, you need to cure your inherited laziness as well...

....I try to change man...now you are increasingly becoming more like me...>.> 

So yeah, my three hours of tutoring went pretty well. I orderly taught her by following my schedule and also asked her to finish the task I have given which was with 4 texts and one personal reflection :) and it had to be done within 70 mins like under an exam condition xD I know it was too tough for her at this stage but she definitely needs more practices so she will be readily to take the challenge after 3 months.... I would be really happy to see her improvement with my help, frankly saying, I feel much more fulfilling when I get to help someone and looking forward to see the upcoming positive result. It means a lot to me because one of the determinants of success for a person is whether he/she can make some positive changes to people around him/her, this is what makes this person more worth of living. I don't think I am an influential person but I am intended to be one....

Anyways I earned $45 in three hours, it wasn't something big at all for most of the people(for myself as well lol...) especially when you reckon what you have spent on duck, pork belly, chilli tofu and some snacks were already added up to the total of your earning or it has overdrawn..luckily I took more money with me before I left my house otherwise it would be pretty awkward having not enough money to pay for the food at the counter...>.> But hey..I am not a fatty, just someone that is carnivorous, it will be a torture if I don't eat meat for one meal...

*cough cough* enough of food talk...ultimately, with the complicity of my dedication for tutoring, being a food lover and the worriment of imminent uni days start in a week( though I haven't mentioned it at all in this phase), my life has been circulated around a coupler things all the time, who doesn't? This is just, in a word, living....

Another sexy Friday ;)

Recalling what I did yesterday as I couldn't get to write my blog before I went to sleep...

....

.......

.........

............

...............

Oh right~basically had some productive time with somebody 

I screamed to the max because of that massage on my back...T________T

I mean....THANK YOU!!!! but but but... T_______T

Why did you have to elbow my fragile backbone with your force or maybe I should say even the tip of your fingers would get me hurt so much...SO MUCH~ 

That must have been so embarrassing giggling with my highest pitch 

Also my utmost bitterness

And my bitterness was like a man, my manliness has shown from the way I giggled

But sorry I couldn't take it like a man though I do possess that manly roar when I was in pain...>.>

And somebody went to play games during the time when I went to sleep, yes I know~such an irresponsible person ey>.> oh also he didn't come back until two hours after>.> yes you!! gamer!! game addict!! 

We tried some new things too ;) someone seems like he's really experienced hahah more experiences to 'come' *wink* Anyways, still enjoyed that moment the most when he combed my hair gently as if he's been taking care of his delicate flower wholeheartedly... I mean...his tree hugger :3

Before I left the train station, he was teary watching me to leave him (no..he just felt so lonely walking all the way back home, must be it *nod nod*) T__T awwwwww but still, I hope I could smash that window, come out from the train, pull him back to me and wipe his tears, that tree indeed has his tenderness :3 adorable adorable tree :3

Congratulation tree, you have earned the yearly award of the toughest yet the tenderest guy but this makes your tree hugger hugs you even tighter :3

The bonding :)

Another nice day though I haven't done much preparation for my upcoming tutoring on Saturday. Woke up early because of the inspection, that lady just took a glance once she came in, then asked if there is anything needed to be fixed. I pointed out the ventilator and the broken taps.

Later on, finished my lunch as usual, helped her to scratch her back, which is a way to relieve her itchiness that she just found out recently. I hope that really helped her to feel less itchy...due to my sleepiness, I went back to my bed and slept for 2 hours til mum came over, snatched the sheets off me all in a sudden and yelled with a kiddy voice 'GET UP LAAA~ didn't you say your bf is coming at 4?' I widened my eyes as if I was naked or something when she did that(like seriously...what if I was really naked=.=), though this wasn't the first time she did that and everytime when she does, she still gives me this shock...

During that time when bf was still in his way to my house, I was busy typing my notes for tutoring and occasionally i was called out for help from her. He came, she talked to him for quite a long time at the door just like the other days, I have never seen a person like her being so loquacious even when she's really sick, not saying it's a bad thing haha I assume that part of her would never change no matter what, but you know what, that's what I like about her as well as sometimes I find her a bit annoying LOL However, this is just how she shows her positive energy to face her life. 

After a long talk with my bf, she finally left some time for us lool But then again, for some reason, she can always resonate with people in some particular topics such as injuries in the past while I was sitting on the floor watching them silently. I enjoyed everything though I didn't interject until she found out his pinky is so crooked because it was hit by basketballs for quite a lot of times before. To her caring, she applied some oil and massaged HARD enough to make him feel the pain lool if he could still feel it after all these years>.> It was just too funny how he was struggling not to scream but biting my hand, doing all those silly but adorable painful troll faces, thumping the shit out of my couch desperately and I just laughed so hard. Surprisingly, what she was doing not just helping him but herself to get rid of a bit of itchiness as that was a task for her to do so she wouldn't be that concerntrated too much on her sickness. It was such a delightful one hour filled up with joy and laughter and her smile is something I cherish the most :) 

Cooking after all that, she belongs to the kitchen I would say JKINGG mum xDD (>.>) *dw, she won't see this...I hope>.>) Anyways, bf and I stayed in the living room while she was in the kitchen getting ready for our dinner. We just played around with cubes, hugging each other like a ball, precisely, he was hugging me... A tree was hugging his tree hugger..as weird as it sounds>.> until mum asked me to cook the beef and I went to the kitchen to help her out, wait....that's not where I belong, I just went there to give her a hand *nods* >.> bf came with me to the kitchen to make the sandwich.... I meant beef... As I knew I couldn't leave this clingy one in the living room or he would be lonely ehhehe I was ordered by mum's instruction knowing what to put in, how to cook, when to mix etc all from scratch, a newbie like me standing there like a puppet, didn't move til she pushed me forward and told me what to do...and this was to be seen by the bf...I was just wondering what he might think about me, I do know I am lack of practice so now I am trying to learn something I never touched before. 

So waiting, waiting and more waiting to enjoy the whole process from observing that raw beef became cooked... during that time, she was already eating hers as she was banned from eating all the food that may irritate virus or get her colours on her face. Bf and I had fun in the kitchen though, he carried me and I was trying so hard to reach the ceiling but I failed, yesh, I know it wasn't my fault, just him who didn't lift me high enough *shifty eyes* Back from cooking...after a long period of waiting, we served ourselves and ate it peacefully... My meat!! definitely I stole some meat from somebody as well>.> Then after dinner, movie time as usual, I am soooooo sorry that I had no idea what's that penguin's name man>.> Oh not to say that I couldn't even figure out what the main characters' names are...Please do not hate me>.<

But yeah, it's good to watch movie with somebody rather to be alone as well as I enjoyed our little dirty time *wink wink* lool except when that crazy itchiness of hers comes out every single night and there was no exception for tonight, She asked me to scratch her back for a few times and even sat next to me, asking me to do it one-handedly while I was watching the movie. I mean, I didn't mind at all, as long as she felt better :) Soon to the end of the movie, she asked me to go her room again doing the same thing because it was really unbearable that she had to interrupt me. I went with bf, he was sitting behind me in the beginning when I was doing it, then he went to sit in front of her and talked to her in order to draw her attention away. It was really happy to see mum was getting better with his help, though I wasn't acknowledged as a good one to help her out haha, and she kept saying his hands with force whereas mine was like a little kitty>.> He then asked her if she wanted him to scratch her back as she's more appreciated of his skill haha Such an odd but warm request lol... He took my role and I went out to have my oranges, I sneakily listened to their conversation though... and that was the scene I would never forget, the very first time she and my bf were sharing a moment of warmth there, I smiled and somehow felt so touched when I watched their backs as I virtually saw them forming a really close bonding between each other. I felt more than I saw because it was something what I have been searching for. 

Anyways, he ran for his life to catch his train home at the end lol luckily he made it or I would feel so sorry for him~ I would suggest not to go home that late next time haha she couldn't stop complimenting him after he left, to maintain that good impression within her is pretty hard but yes, I still felt so happy that she was really thankful to everything he did tonight :) 

This is what I call a beautiful 'Family', a serene environment with connection, appreciation, sharing and viscerally warmth beyond the happiness :)

My day has gone mad

As the title has stated, my day has gone mad, yes, really really mad and you know what, for some reason, both sides of my neck is getting so itchy....guess because of the necklace I wore in the morning....

I woke up at....12: 30 again...man...You wouldn't believe how bad my sleep was last night, I went to bad at 3( as it was already so late), couldnt fall asleep til 4 or 5, by the time i thought i finally could sleep in...I woke up by the weird noises coming from outside in my neighborhood=.= CANT YOU JUST LET ME SLEEP!!!

I woke up with my panda eyes, grabbed my lunch and went shoppings for her. My newly high platforms made me have a bit of trouble walking up the streets when I was seeking for cheap vegies. I went woolies to get the sugar, also bought some snacks from the asian shop, which is the one opposite of it and found a spot to sit down for a bit. Don't know since when I started loving this moment when I can sit alone, face that little asian store and enjoy my own food while listen to my beloved music. I noticed people walking around me but hear nothing other than my music because I put it really loud and that has covered any sound from the outer world. Similarly, I don't seem to remember when was the last time I went jogging in the park coz I do that too. Noises will strip away from me once I put on my earphone. Jogging, sweat and tears? Yes, and mostly the mixture of sweat and tears, they both come together....

Anyways, comes back to where I sat today, that asian shop is like my second home though they sell food at higher prices. But due to my exceptional feeling towards it, paying some snacks with a few more cents doesn't really matter.

Walking back to where I should get my eggs, before I went back home, opened the mail box and got a handful of letters that I had no hands left to get my key out to open the door of my unit...Opened all the letters like a boss, found a relatively important one for mum, translated for her and finally could get back to my own business---doing my answers for job interview questions. I thought I would get all those questions done by tonight but reality is always far from the ideal... More things got piled up and insufficient time spurred me on doing everything faster... 

Up to 11pm when I finished those 20 questions and exchanged some ideas with my bf about some particular questions, I closely to cry out coz that's not even half of what I have planned on doing for today...way less than that...I haven't read my dictionary and my political book.. and I had no time for my photoshop and remix!!! More importantly is that... I haven't had my shower yet!!! 

Why is that? Coz I woke up too late!!! My precious time got stolen by that evil bastard---my own laziness=.=|||    

Ps: Big hug for everyone who's also suffering from shingles now... I will say to take care of yourself is the priority over anything else, and this is for everyone...

A lighthearted mood

Today was a great day except for the moment I hurt my pinky with my rubber band when I was trying to pull that out and it bounced back, hit my pinky so hard. Soon after this happened, it reddened, also numbness and burning pain came up. When I looked at it, a tiny spot was bleeding and made it so hard for me to bend over when I moved it.

That's what happened in the morning when I just woke up and yes, other than bringing me with pain, it also made me fully awake... =.=

She called me from the other room and I felt she was back to normal, which is good. I just hope that pain gets away from her for a longer period of time, if possible, don't ever come back again. After lunch as usual, I turned on my laptop, started another day of hard work. To continue with my ultimate learning goal for a day, I feel like I would never do something enough, this just shows how much I fetishise to learn a language. Apart from that, there are too much things I love to do during the holidays, something that I may not have time to do when Uni starts in two weeks time. Time is limited but productivity can lengthen it the most. I intentionally prove this theory is right when I take my time seriously than I've ever had these days.

I did a lot today. I helped her to get the vegies she wanted. The first time when I had the urge to go out for her, it was rainy heavily. Then I sat back and waited for 20 minutes until the rain stopped. During the time when I was guessing when the weather would be fine, I read my dictionary. While she was busy doing something to distract herself from the pain she had. Anyways, I wandered around the suburb and the fact is that everytime when I do shoppings for her, there will be a reflex that I got from getting her stuff like the time she used to do all the shoppings alone before. I am getting to know how much she has devoted to this family and me. I wouldn't understand how hard for her to carry all the heavy vegies and meat until that day, she asked me to do the same. I would say this has been woven into a form of love and everyone would do the same to their children.

I came back with handful of vegies i bought from a few shops. She welcomed me. I went back to my laptop. We had a lovely dinner, it was lovely because I saw her smile when we ate. Her smile is something most important and rarely appears these days. After dinner, we talked a bit, and I looked at the clock. It was getting close to 9pm, which was the time that kind of itchiness came along as a visitor on time. I couldn't help to see her suffering the same as the other nights. I could only sit there with her letting her know I was with her to lessen her fear and to pass her water and items she needed when she asked for them.

Things will get better, positively speaking, of course I know she will. I've been having a lighthearted mood today :)

Maybe life isn't that bad :)  

a stuck in a road

She's been like an army fighting for her destiny
She's been a really strong one
She still is
But this time, she's trying to banish her internal enemy
A struggle to fight against her own self
To proclaim an open war
With the ones made from her stresses
Not trying to sensationalize this bad news
Our uncertainly of not knowing how long this will be lasting for
Is getting us quite worried
I wish I can be her pain reliever
To reduce her severity of the attacks from beasts and worms
To get rid of the reappearance of her tingling feeling in each night
If she can magically learn how to switch off particular pain at the root
Then this won't lead to a never-ending search
It just seems really unlikely to find her inner peace
Though I hope she's a dragon warrior like Kung Fu Panda
To have her turnaround
To kill the recurrence
To put back a smile on her face again

There is this stuck in a road
Everything is looming over in nowhere
The ongoing brutality is swallowing her brightness day after day
She
The sufferer told me to be strong
We will stand up again like those days
Watching her teary face and that
Has torn my heart apart
I would like to be the first one to know when this day will come
That there will be no more desperation from her

From God's blessing
Please save her...

Ignite Yoshism

I think I would stop my amateur writing career for good. By thinking about what could this temporary absence have ever done to me in the last 8 months? It's nothing, completely nothing, likewise, it's something that I could have a voice to externalise my feelings and my thoughts in this tangible world that I can get contact with. If this is something that benefits me, then home come i chose to stop doing this for a while? Everybody should have a motive, an attempt or a reason to do something/stop doing something. There is also a likelihood to stop doing something when we lose the motive to keep this up

In my journey, it all comes along with my own individuality, the one that shows a presence of mind and only myself can read and bans others to come in because I've been knowing I don't always display a positive attitude, but that doesn't mean I keep trapping into depression and contempt. I still need to stablize my emotion well enough to not let others to see through my mask.

Now you may ask me what my emotion to do with me stop writing. They are not even likely to be relatable. Imagine there is one day you find out yourself are getting too indulge into your personal world by writing your personal diaries, which is decided not to be seen by anyone until the day you die. What this has led to will be a feeling of detached from where you are living in, a sense of separation to the ones you love so much and due to their limited understanding towards you, you find it pointless to tell them the truth. BAM, it's totally not right when you eventually realise what you've been hiding is something that you're supposed to put up there for letting some others to understand, or else you cannot be understood.

However, truth has been covered quite well that not much people have found out my ambivalence. Stated another way, the experience of having a desire to develop my personal growth whilst my overly dignity has locked own self in a closed space.

Until there is a big change in my life has taken place. Frankly saying, this is not the first time but just like one of those typical changes have occured in my past. My inability still on its way to be trained when I am unable to make a choice in all these ongoing barriers and my mission is never going to be completed until the day I truly feel safe, also the one I love the most feels in the same way.

For the reason of not to straggle, it's time for me to take a big leap to chase after my lost 'coolness'. I will be really happy to see what this outcome will bring me when I am determined to rekindle my old interest- something that I have been enjoying doing for more than 10 years...

So...welcome to Yoshism, I am back! :)