Bridge...

It was a right time to receive a text from my sister to move today's tutoring to tomorrow...Oh that girl, must have been a terrible night for her, I know how that feels when insomnia keeps you awake for the whole night :S 

During dinner...wait what...I meant brunch..=.=   *spank my own head* gosh...you must be soooo sleepy, how could you make such a typo=.= yeh..>.> She has been wondering about the number of guys who have crush on me so far, I gave her an ambiguous answer by saying something like hmmmm it really depends on how you see it. I asked her back how she defines couples, she rolled her eyes and said,' maybe hugging? kissing? holding hands?' 'well, hugging and holding hands are becoming really prevalent between friends these days' She raised her eyebrows and gave me a you-must-be-kidding-me look, I continued 'well, mum...we are in Australia...I mean even in China, kids are like that these days anyways.' 

I did try to open myself to her a bit as she asked. I am willing to anyways, hoping she won't judge me when there is one day I decide to tell her everything that I've been hiding from her all these years. That two hours of sharing was worthy, she enjoyed my stories as well as I enjoyed sharing them with a bit of humour. She laughed her head off when I told her one of the guys had given me a disastrous first impression, as he miserably chose the wrong topic to talk about within 2 hours the first time we met at the library..What could be the worst topic? His horniness, when he uncontrollably has made it so obvious that I wanted to run away...It still gives me a shiver whenever I think about I have known such a person...Oh of course there are much more about other guys, some are my supporters, some have been chasing me for years, some put our photo next to his bedside for masturbating purpose, some have given me all these surprises and handmade gifts in our monthsaries, as well as my birthdays, some are more like my unbiological brothers...

My calf love came when I was 12 years old, the time when I just reached puberty. By speaking about the very first guy I ever liked, he may never be a forgotten one in my life. Yes this person is still on my contact list somehow we never talk to each other again for more than 8 years. But because of him, letting me know how temporary love remains in a really young age. I don't master a skill to keep distance from people, it just comes naturally. I reveal, quite emphatically, my persistence to draw a line between people, and that myself is being isolated at a platform. It is all caused by my realization of non-existent promise and love, beautiful yet pitiful.

With this kind of thinking, I still keep searching for better guys to date with. Nobody can be that perfection only if I want to believe that is the perfection. However, now acceptance is the issue for me to have this attempt to change, even a bit...and move forward, regardless of what the future will be like, I am happy to have this guy stays next to me currently.

Just like today, I found us reconnected a lot more from our talk. No expenses on anything except for the dinner, it was just purely a meet up. An outting with talk. We sat at darling harbour for several hours. His hugs kept me warm enough in this cold weather. I shoved my hands into his jacket to feel his body's temperature. I was still kind of speechless in the first 1 hour, been listening to his stories about his ex, his crappy experiences back then and the love triangle that my close friend Eric was involved as well. I only found one thing really not nice to do, which was his ex asked him to chuck the diary :S As I am the one also habitually have been writing diaries as well. It's hard to imagine how heartbroken it is when somebody doesn't even give a shit to your own effort, your love, your time of dedication, and your freaking ink~!! I mocked at that sincerity that has ruptured, it's filled up with irony. Kids seriously don't know what memorabilia means to them...

Anyways, bf's attractiveness emerged when his randomness came up. Also a bit of meaningful talk such as I described him as a simple person with simple experiences. It does make sense sometimes I prefer to have a simple one because knowing myself is already a complicated one, you need to seek the balance not to complicate yourself more by being with a simpler person. Some parts of my untold history is too hard for a person to understand, so let me put it this way: bright side belongs to simplicity...the sphere of no complication is the heaven of happiness. He has brought me with pure happiness, the very nature of happiness that contained nothing but only the happy feeling. No faking a smile or feeling, but laughter and a heartfelt talk...

Later on, we ate sushi :) we still made it before the shop was going to close....We picked 17 dishes so quick that I felt like I couldn't even get to taste every dish slowly. When we were in a rush to finish the food, I was having a hard time to swallow sushi in my mouth. He was still holding my hand even though I was so concentrated to eat my sushi>.>

I was wondering how come my eating amount was so tiny today >.> Oh btw, he saw his basketball friend at central train station then they had a chat about basketball for a bit, the bf invited me to play with them>.> well well well....I definitely need to get some training first...We got on the train, had our little intimate time and this guy with jacket deadly stared at us til he was kind of having this do-not-want-to-see-this-people-making-out-in-the-public face>.> LOL he turned around and faced his back to us hahaha...Back to the basketball thingy, I'd love to play basketball on the weekend so I get to have weekly exercise. Just like what he has told me, I ain't skinny but physically weak...well, that's not something I want to hear either>.>

Yay up to the conclusion finally...and please forgive me switching my mood so fast within the same post lool It's not that absurd to know a changeable person like me carries bizarre characteristics, saying something in depth and the next second, comes all the way back to a simple minded one...My day was awesome as it sounds :) The fun we ought to have in a relationship is possibly one of the most important creations to boost our passion towards each other...I am learning how to gratefully share with someone I care, and I am changing the way of how I deal with serious issues, so that won't be too much burden on another person. But most importantly, it's so hard to get someone to understand you fully. Lowering yourself a bit and take a baby step to turn yourself to the person next to you, giving them an easier access, instead of creating such a hard time throwing them a riddle to solve. That's something I am doing now and I'm appreciated of my own improvement. :)

Thanks for a wonderful day and a wonderful you...

exposure

First of all, this post was supposed to be yesterday, 26 of July..

OK..I can't find a word to describe how my day was...another usual Friday I would say

Except that something got exposed, I wasn't worrying, instead I was assuming that I would get banned from that house...What's next? It's the happiness we have on Fridays will be gone

Not trying to sound so depressing but as you know, we both will start getting busy next week. No time for that much of fun, no time to talk that late, no time to stick to each other...

Anyways, he fell asleep for one hour but I didn't, although I was tired as well. Oh before that, we were watching resident evil, a fine conclusion to this movie is: the setting is so conventional; the protagonist is cooler than a man; the devilish doctor has gone too far in his own experiment, but it wasn't surprised to know he would turn into a monster at the end. It was more amusing when he uses three fingers to kill someone, those branches-alike fingers were fun to watch...This cruel cruel world, a movie reflects how crazy this world is turning into nowadays. Experiments are leading to no fantasies, no dreams but a nightmare has formed from dehumanized possession. 

That was an Ok level of gruesomeness. I was expecting more scary shits would pop up and creep me out; I was expecting those scenes could wet my pants but lol, nothing had happened....My only impression towards the movie was that girl is too cool to be a girl, a heroic image that I've been worshiping...

Anyways, enough of a movie talk, I wasn't happy to leave that early...Full silence appeared on our way to the train station due to the fact that it has been quite a shock when his mum found out...btw his hypersensitivity made him cry before I left...

I was just thinking about what sort of lecture his mum would give him. I mean I am quite familiarize with a typical traditional Chinese mum...For my own perspective, that kind of protection from parents is quite rational yet not understanding a teen's physical need. We may not make the best decision, mistakes can result in risky consequences, but at least we know what we want. Who doesn't make mistakes? We all do, we may not know what is right if we never do something wrong...

NO TIME LEFT...

I cannot believe government institution had to put everyone in the queue to wait for that long...I was just going to drop off two documents, but that lady in the centre of the office stopped me, marked down the reference number, unquestionably I already knew she would say 'grab a seat and they will take your documents away when it's your turn.' Before I was going to ask how long I had to wait for it, she quickly replied with 'You gotta wait for a minimum of one hour' as if she read my mind....=.= my impatience was aroused only after I had been waiting there for 10 minutes. I was lucky enough to call out after 20 minutes of waiting though. However that lady in green asked me to provide further document right after she read my statement '.....so...' 'yes...you have to come back again' She awkwardly not to forget to smile to shower her good manner, I smiled back but it was too cold and too hard to squeeze a friendly smile. I just had to resign myself to it. To her suggestion, I could print that out from one of the computers in there, only if I knew the details of the account, so I did, but it also took me another half an hour to ask that security guard for help. The printer must have been kidding me, pages kept failing to print out >.>

After I came back home, three hours were gone...led her to the medical centre we went last time, that Fiji doctor was just so nice to answer all of her questions (sorry...she's a question one>.>) even some questions that I found no need to worry that much but she got too anxious...Translation took turn, funny how that doctor also understood some simple chinese terms from what we said lool anyways...I also asked him to check my back and waist...not surprised to know my problem was basically from the long duration i sit in front of my laptop, no tablets were needed to be taken, but two pages of exercises were required to do at least twice a day. It's good I guess? By offering a chance for me to do some exercises, letting me have no more excuses to be laze around :3

It was 5:30 after all that, woolies was our next destination...bought some muffins and looked for 3 ply toilet papers on the other side afterward, she seemed so happy to have such a productive day today :3 In the way home she started talking about how good my bf is :) she likes how he's being so clingy to me, follows me wherever I go, meet so many of her expectations such as her standard of looks, height, good attitude and the way how he takes care of me, teaches me and gives me the warmth...What a loveable description when she said he's a sunner, who looks constantly happy and bright, 90% of positive views from her, which is something rarely to be heard from her, the very first time she can be that greatly liking one of my friends(bf is still one type of friends lol xD) 

Oh no....after this post, not much time left for me to do preparation for the tutoring as I planned...>.>

I guess I will say my day was oddly awesome? :) I did a lot and that bf bit was the highlight of my happiness...

Mehhh....

I wasn't surprised at all when she found out my hidden medicine, which I placed it under one of my stuffed toys next to my bed.....It wasn't an accident, it was just about time to let her know..Maybe? Nah...I gave a second thought before she was going to open her mouth and question me what it was, so at the end another lie had to impose upon this dark secret... 

Subsequently she had a deep talk with me due to the fact that she is now getting to know I may have been hiding so much more secrets from her...By putting on emphasis on our communication, she related this to her own parents. In their era, buying her a candy and a bowl of porridge was already something the most memorable in her childhood, 'There wasn't that much to reminisce between my parents and I really, see, everytime when I tell you something about my childhood, they are just the same old stories' What she said was meant to tell me how much she thought she could have more memories with her parents when she was younger, but she couldn't do enough before grandpa passed away...Neither do I... I questioned myself whether I have shown my caring towards dad as much as he has towards me....It was a...I wouldn't call it sad but rather to be a gloomy lunch. She was letting me to know the importance of how I should treasure my family before they are gone. Though this wasn't the first time she taught me this, it would be one of those best talks from her...Like god damn...I saw my tears running down the rice in my bowl...

Anyways my back and waist hurt like hell...I guess it's all because of my improper sitting position when I surf on net. By the time she rode on me rubbing my back and waist, she nearly killed me halfway with her elbow and fingers. After all, she used more force than the bf....=.= I was screaming like a dying pig, a marathon of pain finally ended after 30 minutes of rubbing...Grandpa's photo is situated at the right side of her pillow, I guess he enjoyed seeing me suffering from my pain yet another way of mother-daughter-ship connection. I then fell asleep naked for another 2 hours, mum put the sheet on my body before she left her room...

Woke up, had a warm shower and I continued to feel my pain...the spot where is close to my ass more hurtful than any others>.<  Later, the bf came, gave me a big panda hug and she talked to him non-stop as usual. The usual talkative her made the whole house vividly alive. She went shower while we were being so tricky behind her>.> bf also said his stalker cried, assuming the obsession is still in its way. It is hard to forget someone and pretending you don't know them for good, it's even harder to brush everything aside and try to remove something has happened in your past. There is no way we 'try' because when you do, that means you are being forced to do something and that would never work.

As for cooking, I enjoyed being taught by anyone, only if that person is willing to help while not laughing at my clumsiness. Sadly he pissed me off a bit when he was being the usual stuck up self. You know what, I wouldn't turn into a snobby one until another person turned into one in the first place. But yes, I admit myself suck at cooking and I was still afraid of fire and oil, the popping oil made me jumpy and shit...The dinner was all good. The skewers were finely cooked and other food at least tasted good...After dinner, she asked me to write up the statement and I helped her out word by word. Then another negative moment when he had his pompous comments towards me..I seriously felt like refuting him as a pompous ABC whenever he calls me a fob. But no, I repressed not because I couldn't do that, I believe I can fully verbally abuse a person if I really want that to happen. What was stopping me? It's the attitude I should also learn from people's negative comments. It's no biggie though it seemed like an insult. Positively speaking, I should have treated it as an encouragement for me to improve more.

Lastly the video he showed me was about three ridiculous unicorns talking with anime characters' voice and their journey was as ridiculous as them...I wouldn't say I don't like it or hate it, maybe just not something I would watch. Well overall, tonight wasn't bad except for some negative comments I received. I didn't really show until he left and talked to me via phone on his way home. Thanks for all the long messages though and please forgive me 'not letting you go(to sleep)' also choosing me over your sexy hotpot outting tomorrow, I cannot think of myself as that attractive than a hotpot outting. Maybe I just never know that I am another type of food?

Another marvelous way to conclude my post...You know, sometimes we need to add more flavour to life in the higher degree, it comes along with the mix of every emotion powerfully spicing up our desire into our future. Happiness takes place as well as depression but that's not about it, I also know the fun of having a person to get teased by me before he went to sleep, as well as he pissed me off just an hour ago and now I got over it. Not to mention I miss that bastard a bit when I am still typing my post right here right now, while he must be sleeping like a pig now...So next time when I see him, I don't bash him, instead I hug him all because in a spectacular view, he has given me all that. The truly fantastic feelings and the fun, are all greatly inspiring and beautiful as well :)

A simple day yet a lovely day PS: Last post was for yesterday...>.>

In short (as I am running out of my time to post a long one again lol)

The day I went to that appointment with her....(details omitted) waiting time required, half an hour wasn't that long and two of the ladies were afraid of her sickness would have been contagious, so they didn't talk to us that much...Some signs showed they were a bit despising her. To defend her, I immediately said no, she's not contagious at this stage anymore... well, it's understandable towards their reactions, just that I still felt a bit offended...

After that, we walked around the big plaza in hurstville, delightfully bought so many food and snacks as if two of us have been living in poverty...nah, she enjoys her life a lot as usual, and she loves her daughter so much, much more than she could have ever known :) She bought me all the food I want though she cannot even have a bite of it... By carrying those heavy plastic bags, my hands were so numb but we happily enjoyed our moments to be together, just two of us :3

When i came back, helped her to do something and talked to my friend James a bit about his ongoing business project that he's been persuading me to join as well. I would have never thought of myself to take that role and to my wonderment, how far I can go...I would wanna try something new and not to lose that opportunity, but you know, counting on other factors do hold me back a lot especially in this financial state...But yes, I do know chances don't knock your door twice so I am planning to meet him up once again, either I am determined or ambitious to fulfil my dream, a dream that only for she and I. A complete family and a peaceful wish... 

Also, when I discussed with the bf about the trusting issue, I dodged the topic...We just need more time to know each other more, more and a lot more... There is no definite answer to say how much more we still need to know each other, likewise I don't know whether we can last for that long til the day I decide to bring my inside out....Lastly, again, you may be right, my jealousy could be really low but that doesn't mean I don't get jealous at all, ok....your statement won loool 

Btw, I should blog earlier to match up the date looool   ok now...off to bed, I meant...shower first then bed :3

The day with emptiness

It's one of those days...no motivation to do much but was being so slack browsing around site pages, watching an Australian born Filipino female single's videos while imagining if this person can be my friend some day LOOL daydreaming much xDD

Hmmmmm... also been replaying the song 'wounds of war' for a several hours, I don't think I will ever get sick of such a beautiful song to advocate the idea of peace...What makes Jay chou different from other singers and why I would choose to listen to his songs over other singers? It's all because his songs profoundly reflect that he is a worldly wiseman among idealists, and the ways he composes his songs are more than he's trying to show his talents, it's a tendency of me to find that great resonance from his songs I listen to from Youtube. I admire his objectivity to view everything. Perhaps that's why he is still the mainstream.

Yeah...the day with emptiness with zero productivity of finishing my plan...However, I cook again for mum although mum never change her bossy attitude when she's getting so impatient to teach a noob like me...but positively speaking, her impatience is letting my patience grow...

That productivity!!

Woke up late as usual, had brunch and started my entire day of planning.

Ok coz I am in a rush to go to sleep by 12 like after I've been promised myself to do this for so many times and somehow I still can't do it for once=.=

Guess it's time for me to change my lifestyle so to keep myself healthier and happier. Scientifically has proven that happiness is proportionally related to how many hours of your sleep every night and if you have a good sleep. Definitely I don't have enough of sleep :/ (I never do..>.>)   

So yeah, stick back to what I am going to talk about today...spent some time on my previous blog that I was supposed to finish last night but couldn't continue with it as it was...3am already...

Then got on with my tutoring materials, been fixing my student's work for another 1 hour and typing up my own answers for those remaining questions I didn't get to do from last lesson....

First time to cook fried egg...excuse me..don't judge...admittedly I am a really good eater but not a good cook..>.> Anyways my first time wasn't that bad, and doing this was to relieve her pain as she couldn't get approached to the cooking frying pan...Although she was standing at the front of the kitchen blaberring what I did wrong during the entire process, I didn't really find her annoying. Knowing she's still with her itchiness, I forgave her and just concerntrated to cook my fried eggs...

To be honest, I wasn't that encouraging to cook, at least not until she asked me to help her out...Maybe I am a bad daughter :/ in a sense, I know I have never done enough for her in return, as in not as much as she has done so much for me all these years... 

Too much sentimental stuff here...my point is...taking good care of your love ones :)

So hmmm...pretty much I have been doing a lot of research about my career path, or I should say my future career path that I am establishing now. That's all because I need to make sure I am on the right track and don't look too noob when people interview me, looking for internship entails much more than I have ever thought man~ You don't just sit there waiting for the interviewer to ask you questions because that will just make it seem like an interrogation. Well, I am an inexperienced here so I may not have the right to give anyone a lecture or something>.> but yeah, it's just something I have learned from that seminar I went last time. 

Anyways...I read this article about the 7 secrets of running popular blogs. There is this line saying your blog really isn't about you but your readers :S nooooo way...It is about me in my case as I won't even assume what other people think about me/hear...You don't make hypothetical based questions asking yourself whether they would like your post as everyone thinks differently, like what? GET OVER YOURSELF? Impossible...strongly disagree!!!! Trying to be that authentic one and writing blog for yourself but not only for the purpose of winning people's heart~ I mean, it is good if you can also win people's heart but overall, that is not the intention to start blogging :/

Oh, one last thing...I found out I could actually shower so fast like a man. But that's the time when I compete with somebody like tonight>.> I finished my shower within 15 minutes...That means, I can seriously do it and this would save me much more time.... 

*Having a little fight with the bf atm....being kinda emo now talking over our sleeping issue...my dissatisfaction and his attempt to go to sleep...* pretty sure he's getting upsetting about me on his bed :S maybe a little bit tired of me as well? 

Ok 12: 38...another 38 minutes has passed...Did I just say I need to sleep by 12? NOW GOOOOO!!