Pressure...

Pressure was from two sources: One was from my friend's expectation, the other was from parents' expectation...

I still felt damn tired after I woke up at 1pm...The first thing I did was to check my phone, it showed I have received two messages. The first line of the first message was from Michelle, who was angrily asking me to finish the task she asked me to do...I didn't know she would be that mad when I refused to do it :/ Then when I opened the second message, which was from panpan, that message has brought back my mood a bit. He now knows how hard I took a big step to tell him about all that last night...Thanks for panpan's understanding :)

Didn't do much but that assessment>.> But definitely, that assessment is enough for me to do for the whole day...The case is seemingly my type of question that I enjoyed doing it. Here's the changes when I read it more than once, reading it the first time, you will think it with your common sense; reading it the second time, started making the linkages in relation to legal and ethics; reading it the third time, read the attached notes from that file, the complication would have formed in numerous dimensions that I need to have more concern with..

But yeah...I called that pressure due to my slight unwillingness to do it...Anyways, she shouted at me once I told her I would be meeting up with my friend James to talk about the business project he highly recommended me to do tonight...That preconception has been always there the first time she found out my friend has been convincing me to join their business. For her, doing that networked marketing is as if our lives would be ruined for good...She just called him oversea, who has been lecturing me for another one hour on the other side of the phone call...I cried, no talking, no explanation to them because no matter how much I clear myself and letting them know how this actually differs from what they have thought it would be, I doubt if they would ever change their points of view to see it ...I don't think so :/

By calling me innocent doesn't make them sound not innocent...Yes, there are so many instances there showing that it's just another way of scam...But how can you deny a career, a group of people without even knowing them well from different resources..

Not going to say more about this, I need to save some time doing her surprises though I am unhappy about her...=.= oh my eyes...please leave me...sleepiness...>.<

Friday night...

In short, the bf was late to come to the park and I had been waiting there for an hour and a half. Somebody said the latest he would be awake was 12...yet I had waited for his call for several hours and finally decided to just go to Central alone, had my lunch first and did some readings at the park...

He came, I saw before he was getting close to me>.> bro...I've got eyes at the back, you cannot trick me :p Lots of huggings in silence then lied on the grass...He wanted to grab something hot to drink, I go ' why do you need something hot if you've got the hottest one next to you ;)' Anyways two obnoxious kids came :/ They nearly took panpan's Ipod away=.=

We didn't go somewhere far but just went Darling harbour again, sat at the bench and talked....Most of the time, he did the talking because I seriously couldn't think of a topic to talk lool He had this attempt to let me talk more but my brain was blank the whole day...

The night I had not much fun because myself was with a really negative mood, too hard to be cheered up...:/ Even I thought I would be changing a bit once we got in the darkness at the stairs and at the backyard, but still couldn't help much...There was a few times I wanted to say something but I stopped, it was time for him to go home...We ended up having our big convo online, now he gotta know more about my family history, also had a brief idea of my distrust on people...

A great talk til 5am...>.> great....hehehehe...

Gift~

My brain hurt from waking up at 8 this morning, not saying it was too early, besides, it wasn't as early as the other mornings when I attend my other morning lectures...Just for that Strata guy to do the fire safety inspection and nothing else :S

I know I could have slept in after that, instead, I read my remaining pages of that course and typed up my notes, also at the same time sneakily turned on her laptop and plugged my usb in, went inside my room to readily print that photo out...Guess what, as soon as I turned on her laptop, I heard she calling my name from her bedroom, 'mum..I just gonna use ur laptop for a bit yeh?' I probed if she was really awake when I passed her room or she was just having a nice dream with me in it like one of those days...

Once I was going to press print...she came out of her room, that moment of fear not to let her find out just ridiculously made me panicked...At the time I had this feeling she would come to my room, yelled 'mum!!I am soooooooo thirsty, can you get me something to drink first? sooooo thirsty!! Hurry, I need it now~' She was gone to get me a drink, pressed 'print' with one click of my finger as quickly as I could. Before she was going to come back with my juice, I folded it into half pretending that's my uni work and said, 'mum...I want to eat earlier today, can you cook now?' With a beautiful and tricky smile, she asked ' Why the hell you demand so much today' yes...she smartly felt there was something going on here, yet she went back to the kitchen where she's deemed to belong>.>

Ok...why do I need to leave early? Reasons are. It does take some time for me to record in my way to uni, also I want to meet up with my friends so I can sit with somebody in the lecture lool Anyways I left my house, started my mini documentary of my one day life to uni. Nothing much is needed to mention from here, as I walked out from our unit, I just took out of my dumb phone N81, I don't freaking care how many gadgets people are having out there, even I am a Media student, only owning a phone and a laptop unlike the rest of them...But yes, I need to level up my devices one day when I save as much as I want to have a big spending...Anyways, so yeah, people did look at me when I talked while I recorded, so I tried not to talk that much when people were around>.>

Jodie texted me once I got off from the train station, told her my whereabouts and sped up to the lecture so to make sure I wouldn't miss out that much...I ended up sitting with Michael as I couldn't spot Jodie at the back, besides, I couldn't see at the back I am sure...Battery was low, I just hate myself so much to the point to slap myself, how could I not charge it for a few more hours after I woke up knowing I'm going to record for the whole day...Lucky it did lasted til I waited for the bus after uni though...

But yes....I asked Michael to say happy birthday to her, later greeted with Jodie and also asked her to do the same thing, that ultimate awkwardness from her face just made me laugh lool Later followed Michael to see Shabrina and the rest in the cafe so I could gather more people to do that.. Michael's friend said it in indo lool and even more coincidental thing was that, his indo friend is my friend's friend when we both saw them both sitting together... 4 of us pointing at each other saying in chorus' what? you are his/her friend?' hahaha Shabrina and the rest were at the other table eating there quietly, we approached and grabbed seats, once again I had that request to ask everyone to do that lool Shabrina even asked me if I wanted her to sing, I actually didn't mind lool 

In the tut, those three presenters for today were awesome!! Of course that also included my friend Ailin, who did a good job interacting with the class throughout several activities...Live tweeting is damn essential to this media course now I see, I was sitting there watching people doing those fun things...quite sad ey >.> I had a great laugh reading other people's comments on the projector has shown on the screen though. For this week's tut, they have created questions such as how can we keep the relationship without our media devices especially by thinking about the past, the very first bf/gf we had, what would happen if we had nothing to contact to each other...The tutor also highly praised three of them with a really awesome presentation, an outstanding one that has remarkably generated us, as audiences' interest though he was still so picky to say they forgot to set up the tables...also~didn't get to give him the cookie when everyone has got one LMAOO 

After the tut, I walked with Ailin asking how she has been feeling during that terrible presentation, well, her and her group members have made such a great one, she's like all chilled and released now...but that doesn't make the rest of us, who are still waiting to do theirs/mine any less scary...I am doing mine two weeks later, I hope I would be as lucky as her though lol

In the main walkway, Bonita, one of Ailin's group members walked with us, I asked three of them to do that thing again, Bonita seems like a really nice one that can be easily integrated in any groups, she was all vibrant, looked so high up to do that for me hahah Though I just knew her, maybe she found that fun? Knowing she has just dropped visual communication course, and her reason was because there have been too much readings weekly, which is what everyone's complaining lool 

so now I made another new friend after Gwinny and Ailin went to the library :) Bonita was like one of those people that the lecturer has mentioned in the lecture, the one that has regarded their devices as an object, a part of their bodily attachment that she was paying continuous partial attention when she was talking to you lol Until I asked 'busy texting...to your bf? xD' she just stopped doing that and said 'oh, sorry, my friend just asked me where we gonna meet up...HAHA that was part of our presentation today when we asked what our world would have become if we switch off all of our devices...' 

My phone got killed by an anonymous call when I was waiting for my bus lool Later I arrived in rivy, bought my cake with 44$ and that lady asked me what message I want to put on there, I wanted to say 'happy birthday mum, I love you' However, she told me it would be too long so I just shortened it to 'I love you mum' :3 weeeeeee that photo and that cake...and a few other surprises...I already have started imagining how happy she can be once she sees it...But that's not the only emotion I want to see from her face, that teary face is the one I want to see the most so that I can hug her, cry with her and hug her again, tighter and tighter...

Zombification

I have zombified with less than 4 hours of sleep. I am assumed because I have been thinking too much irrelevant intensed things before I went to sleep. Hence today when I woke up, the only feeling I had was my eyes were burning and droopy...

Trying to read my book on the train but I failed to do so, ended up having a nap for half an hour. Her birthday is coming on Monday, I also spent a little bit of my time recording as part of her birthday gift... Obviously I was late for my lecture for 10 minutes, actually it wasn't as late as the other times..I guess there is a bit improvement here? :)

After the lecture, went straight up to the library having another 1 hour nap...I nearly forgot I was going to meet up with Haiwon at 12, lucky I was naturally awaken at 12: 15 when I had this terrible itch on my face...Just like those old days, I couldn't stop talking once I saw her...We logged on one of the PC there and I plugged both of our usbs in, saved all the photos she asked for, then we headed to the Mathew cafe to have lunch. A Sushi box was the only thing I purchased, sat somewhere close to the wall...I exceptionally enjoyed my talk with her, the delicate things happened in our lives such as my intention to make mum's birthday present these days for her..

After uni, I stayed an hour more to do my 10 pages of readings...Before walked out of uni, I took my phone out again recording a bit within the campus, as well as when I was waiting for the bus...Bits and pieces were gathering up for her, only for her to know how my uni life is like...

Arrived at Rivy, immediately walked up to the bakery in the plaza asking about the cost of mini photo image cake...That lady told me that it would be 44$ each and I just needed to make sure to zoom the photo in so they could cut it into a perfect circle to fit in the cake...

She was busy cleaning the whole house. It was a huge mess with all the plastic bags, light globes and books everywhere...ok...that's not the point, just that she usually looks for something to do as she's got too much leisure time now...

I had my shower and dinner, logged on FB and checked my group discussion. Surprisingly a chain of discussion has popped up, I wondered why I received none notification til I opened the group...=.= Just at that moment, I felt I didn't do enough for tomorrow's discussion represented as a group. As soon as I finished reading two of my group members' comments, ditched everything I was doing before, went straight back to my media textbook, tried my best to raise up two critical questions and Cady prefers my second one...

The phone was beeping...4 messages I received when I checked...one was from Cady who asked me to check the group discussion>.> One was from Ailin who asked me to help with her presentation script for tomorrow...and the other one was from Michelle...>.> yes...challenge accepted!!that $55 :D

ok...now I need to get back to my work and leave some time to make her the pressie :3 

The Chi Valentine's :)

I've seen the romance between her and her bf in this Chi Valentine's...He came at a right time, I felt so happy for her having the happiness she wanted :3

She helped him to cut his nails whether I noticed or not, their laughter was filled up the house despite I was with my earphones on with my constant indulgence in music on YouTube. Their sweetness was flaunted. Without a word or a gesture of exultation, an indescribable well-being radiated from her face. That has lasted for the whole night of relative sensation of happiness from a mid-aged woman...Yet, I definitely felt that wasn't enough, she deserves much more than that eagerness..

He had dinner with us and had a great talk with me :) The cheerfulness from both of their affiliation on the dinner table has made the greatest significance to this festival, they should have earned the award of the cutest couple most recently...The lovely scene when he was so clumsily cutting his toe nails, she just took over and helped him to cut them really carefully...Their smiles were just so sync, as well as their little tease to each other, even I had the urge to turn around, look at them and smile with them when they smiled, laugh with them when they laughed.. 

The panpan came back at 7...Didn't get to wish him a happy Valentine's because later on, he had a bad stomach...Luckily he felt much better before 12 so I still got to say it the last 30 minutes before this day was over lol

The most productive thing I did for today was updating two posts for the past two nights, as well as talked to both Haiwon and James... To James, he still hasn't given up on me joining his business. He's coming over this Saturday, I will see what happens, I may change my mind anytime if there's anything benefits me more than I expected. Some additional strategies he has taught me to deal with young kids as I told him how naughty that year 3 kid I tutor...Also to Haiwon, I kept trying to send her photos from Jap Festival last year, she just failed to save them all for some reason. Deleting her Facebook should be taken a second thought I would say, I would just deactivate if I was her...Anyways, I am going to meet her up between 12 to 1 tomorrow, firstly is to give her photos that she wanted, secondly is to hang around with her in uni for a bit...

It was a great day after all... I did a lot not just for studying, blogging, talking to friends, watching that adorable couple...oh oh and to carry those two couches out of my house so now we have more space in our living room...the bigger the better....I also talked to my beloved 'boss' tonight from oversea, he is not well with a cold, GET WELL SOON FATTIE!!!>.<

It's the Valentine's...I wish everyone has been having a great one with the one they care and love because I know I do :) I always do...happy valentine's and 7th monthsary my tree...

Slack slack me...

I was super late for my train, he was waiting there at central for another half an hour as usual >.>

I saw him leaning on the wall and fiddling with his phone once I swiped my card. As he said, it was just like a glimpse when we meet up in Monday morning lol 

To be honest, I didn't want to be late for my lecture if only I could energetically bounce out of my bed in the morning once the alarm snoozes...This doesn't make me any different from other folks with the same problem>.> I was rush to the bus stop and got on the bus, sluggishly was watching the views outside of windows thinking if I should attend the lecture or not. This panpan texted me: 'listen to your lecturer carefully..' Later I felt bad as I have decided to stay in the library sleeping for an hour or two lol

Lucky I found a beanbag near the window at level 3....It was seemingly nothing can wake me up unless I wanted to. Noises from every direction were treated as different kinds of melodies, making me even more sleepy...

When I woke up after 2 hours. 4 missed calls from mum plus a text asking me to call the estate agent for booking the inspection on this Thursday. Beanbag was too comfy to lie on, so instead of reading my books somewhere else, I stayed at the same spot doing my 20 pages of readings. It was supposed to be a quiet environment til these two girls came, sat next to me bitching about their friends so loud...Yes, that's why I don't like hanging around with same gender especially girls have more tendency to bitch a person...

Soon I moved to the computer area where I could get away from this kind of conversation...I logged on my account to read through the lecture slides the rest of my break. Once I came out of the library and was going to grab some food from the canteen. The entire area was blocked off, quite a few security guards were standing at different spots ordering us to go for another way to lower campus. Everyone had to stay under the cover, the only thought in my mind was something had just happened 10 minutes ago because I heard the noise, but wasn't sure where it came from. It was serious but not as serious as someone committed a crime. Well, I hope not...

I didn't forget to call the agency before I attended my tutorial. Ailin was already there but Gwinny wasn't. Several people came 30 minutes later because they have locked inside of the library... I, as an audience was attracted to those first three presentations, each of them had somewhat particularly brought me into their interesting visual contents with their detailed and experiential explanation. One of them didn't even need a script when she presented. As soon as the second presenter finished hers, a guy came late and sat next to me at the back because he couldn't find a seat. He oddly asked me where I am from as the very first question...'China?'>.> 'Oh, I am from Hongkong.' 'Oh? ok...' I wasn't showing any interest even though he seemed like he wanted to extend the conversation lol Until later, once again he wanted to interact with both Ailin and I when the tutor asked us to have a group discussion of the questions she wrote on the board. He was nice, it's just I wasn't that nice lool He even grabbed a sheet for me when there was only two sheets for three of us. Seeing him with nothing, I shared with him due to a bit of my guilt...

Yes, I've been too slack for the whole night. The only thing I did was chatting with people, I wouldn't say a lot of people. But yeah, 7 or 8? There was this person made me realize something, he is still the old him although he hasn't chatted with me for quite a while. I miss the time when we hung out alone, the park was the one and only place we went whenever we met up; Ailin was worried about her presentation on Thursday since she still hasn't received any response from her other group members...no preparation was done til now when there is only a few days left :S....I am just feeling lucky I chose Cady and Georgia's group; Somebody and his gf both talked to me at night, yes....we keep our brotherhood so strong that he can help me to conquer some of the difficulties in my life...one of the best unbiological brothers ever; Enoch was wondering whether I went to the lecture this morning>.> obviously he saw panpan at central as well lol so to his curiosity, he teased me if I had a discipline from panpan as I kept him waiting for more than half an hour>.>

This post is boring-ish like hell lool I think I just set down a series of events happen on that day in a diary as most people do... Sorry I cannot help...This is just how slack I feel for the day :S Yoshi out...

Simplification

幸福可以很简单，活着的时候有爱自己的人和自己爱的人就够了

 One of the secret weapons of happiness is love, one of the quotes I received today has brought this source of insight. Life is made of moments, we are all willing to create and collect the happy ones. Most of the people cannot easily feel, pursuit happiness because they never know the most simple happiness is just right under their feet. It's the ones we love as well as the ones love us.

Unconditional acceptance leads to the unconditional love.  'we don't care about other stuff but your safety, we just want you to be safe all the time.' I've heard this from my parents for uncountable times to the point of it's equivalent to when they ask me to eat more rice...

When I lost myself on the path of seeking other parts of my life, disappointment, disillusion, sentimentality are all taken place...I don't realize how much I have left behind til I look back, those people will never forget to wait for me. I didn't cherish as much as I should have sometimes because they have put me in the state of mind of they are becoming me, and I am them...

Anyways..let's get back to real  life lool...panpan came and picked me up after my tutoring that little kid. Briefly speaking, that kid was easier to handle this time, at least that first half an hour he didn't misbehave. The funny moments were when he wrote a sentence with the word 'donkey', it cracked me up for a few minutes because it didn't fit in the context though it has nothing wrong with the grammar. 'I received a donkey for my birthday present' >.> and when he did the fill-in-the-blank question, which he needed to pick a word from the list of phrases and words. There was this incomplete sentence like 'they___ went to the cinema, they don't go there too often' You know what he filled in there? He wrote 'buckle'...>.> Later I asked him to think again, he then wrote 'waist'...>.> I was like...hmmmm do you know what waist is..it's a part of your body *point at his waist*

That lesson wasn't as bad as the first one...but still...bad...>.> but I guess I've gotten used to it, besides he likes me a lot ;) I don't mind he called me bitch for several times, just like he didn't mind I spanking his head lol

So yeah, once I saw panpan when I went down, we just hugged without saying a word. We hugged each other so tight as if time stood still...As always, I didn't say much in our way to the train station, went to look for a restaurant to eat because he was damn hungry...I ate most of the meat though I said I wasn't hungry>.> 

When we were on the train, he was letting me to listen to 'please tell me why' (chinese version) and I started questioning him and his ex...I was still half believe of his denial when you think his ex has nothing to gain or lose, but him, sure he doesn't want me to know the truth...Before this, we already promised to each other we would walk the harbour bridge together and go back to Luna park, the first place we met, only if we can reach our anniversary~

Got off from central, he didn't talk. I took his silence as his guilt. We sat somewhere at the park under the sun...Two of us just lowered our heads pulling the grass around us in awkwardness...There was not much trust, which makes this relationship quite fragile, as well as some relationships in the past as I hardly trust a person over 80%. I still don't and I will never. He then just walked away asking me to think over it for a few days. Later I texted him, asked him to come back because I seriously didn't want to end up this way. This was once like a Korean drama I watched before. Dramatizing things is faking things, letting me to think about it for more than a few days wouldn't do any good, but bother my life. When he finally came back, I held his hands and hugged him. I sensed he was sobbing on my shoulder once he pulled me closer to him. Silence...Another moment of silence...I found feeling have the estrangement and language how weak and limp when only going teary is the only solution. 

Maybe he was trying to make me apologize so to avoid my interrogation by walking away, I didn't want to say he now is making me more confirmed what I saw him in the first place. Sometimes our vision is clear but we choose to turn a blind eye to things we want to forget. 

Happiness, in other words, is generated from simplicity. I just need to be simpler to see the brightness is waiting for me right at the corner. 

Lastly, we still had our own happy time there at the park, my puppy eyes made him stay for another 45 minutes lool This is what you call a simple life, you just gotta learn how to switch from simple to complicated at once... Everlasting joy only belongs to those people who are easily to be contented....

PS: started making her gift before I went to sleep, already wrote up 1000 words in 20 minutes for her super long letter :)