I broke my record again: went to bed so early last night and been sleeping for 13 hours :3
That feeling is so great. I just hope that from now on, I should seriously take care of myself and keep being much much much more healthier than before
If you ask me what I have done for today. ok so I woke up, ate my brunch while was talking happily with my dearest, she said that I should seriously stop stuffing too much food into my mouth whenever I eat because when I chew it, I resemble a monkey, which doesn't look good if I sit at the same table with some upper class...I was like 'As if I will sit with some upper class=.=' she: 'well, you never know, maybe one day...I am just teaching you some appropriate table manner, this kid...'
Yeah I know I should be more modest to people's comments on my behaviour. Actually that realization deep inside of me keeps on telling me that their judgement is always right but I don't admit what I do wrong at times due to my arrogance, yet I change secretly after they say that...>.>
Besides, I know myself too well and too into myself to let someone to change the essence of me. So when they point out something from me that sounds not unpleasant to hear, my real-time reaction will be most likely covered with self-protection but then deep inside my reaction will be more like: 'damn how can you know me that well...yeh...I will change this part of me>.>'
Anyways she suggested a quite amusing method for me to change my way of eating (ok this sounds really strange for some people...why would I change the way I eat after 21 years of being a human)
The mirror...=.= she said she would put the mirror next to my side face so I can look myself into the mirror when I eat in order to see how not good looking that is...That's really cruel because there is no way a person will be looking good when he/she eats especially me, I hate seeing myself eating as well as people staring at me chewing my food. But smartass..that works...as I don't even want to see that appearance of me, definitely I will change afterward
A status updated to ask my friends about their preparation for the exam on Monday.
Started my revision by reading through some lecture slides
Received a text from that kid's mum. She asked me to teach his son from next Saturday..
That fattie from oversea called us again today. He told me to sleep earlier after I said I've got headache during my exam on Thursday.
She then told him about that day she fell from the ladder as well as my ignorance of unable to show caring
She handed the phone over so he can give me a lesson obviously
I was questioned by him: why I would be this cold, emotionless and lack of caring about others...
All I said was 'uhh....' 'yeah..' 'I don't know'
She then said to him: 'I don't blame her, maybe she's been too spoiled and I have never taught her how to care for others'
That's how he described me on the phone-too much technology absorption, also that numbness and incapability to feel how others feel due to something that they wouldn't have any idea what and why..
Close bonding with parents is only confined to a degree of showing caring, happy talks and my future plans
To be honest, I am a highly sensitive person so how would I not care for others as I feel a lot to some really delicate things...Maybe I do but hardly physically show
And she was told that one of their friends just passed away a few days ago...She cried...
'One after one is gone...I just feel that we seriously should spend more time with the ones that are still alive and feel lucky for the time being' she said
And she also said 'You know you should care for your dad more, as much as you care for me(hinting on that accident of falling down from the ladder here) You never know who will be gone all in a sudden'
Life really happens in the blink of an eye...You don't get to feel the great changes until that someone no longer be a part of your life. I mean even the ones that are still here, alive, we take everything they do for granted and not ever thought about what if they are not with us anymore, what if they take away a huge part of you when they leave...Despite the fact that anyone would be leaving sooner or later, for the ones that have all contributed to even a minor part of your life, remember to love them with all your heart and leave no regret
Either 'Death' or 'Leaving' is too horrifying for us to even think about...so before it's too late, act now...
That day was beautiful yet pitiful because I didn't get to see someone I wanted to see for ages...
But I had a really good day with panpan. Even though in the beginning, he was so persistent to know why I have changed our plan, and that attempt to conceal the truth made me not want to tell him what was really going on there...
Until then, that someone told me to change our dinner to some other time since he would be out with his parents tonight..
Panpan and I then went dinner in the city, we picked a filipino restaurant because I wanted to lol
That dish has reminded me of something I ate in someone's house ages ago, and I seriously miss that taste and that warm atmosphere of having the family around.
Anyways I had been having a really bad stomach once we got to central, so he took me home... I messed around with him by randomly switching the song, the equaliser and purposely paused and played while he was there listening to music on the train..
That finger bite was really killing him as well. I wouldn't know how hard I bit it until he went teary in his eyes>.>
LOL....super belated post with plain content here...I only remembered to update this post 5 days later>.>
Disappointment 1: Headache+bad time management is a really bad combination during the exam...I was fully ready and confident to ace that exam but I failed to attempt the last question. Jodie then comforted me by saying 'don't worry about it, maybe your mark will turn out to be even better than mine'...Knowing that's sort of impossible because I know that I seriously did crap :S
And then we walked out of the lecture hall, saw a tent that says free ice drink+henna, followed with a long queue there. Jodie requested to paint a tree along her hand but then that turned out to be a seemingly unfinished tree rooted in nowhere and oddly upside down...>.> Mine was even worse, I asked that guy to paint me a dragon then he painted me a small-grilled-chicken-plus-pokemon-like shape dragon=.= even though you can tell that's really a dragon from the way it breathes out fire>.>
After that, we caught on the same bus and train to rivy. During the whole trip, both of us talked about a lot of things and she even wanted to help my mum to find a job.
She also told me that Eric and I have sorta connection as both of us don't even pick up calls lol 'I feel like I've been dating with his voicemail for 2 years' Panpan must have been feeling the same as Jodie, that frustration of failing to contact with me xD (>.>)
After we got to Rivy, she shouted me a pizza while waiting for Eric to finish his driving lesson. Finally Eric picked up his phone call and their conversation was so cute and hilarious lol
Jodie: 'I am with Yisha eating pizza at rivy, I am coming over to help your mum later yeh?' Eric: 'it's ok' Jodie: 'What do you mean it's ok....I am already here in rivy, and now you are telling me it's ok? I am coming all the way just for you>.>' Later on.... Jodie: 'So what do you want to eat, I can takeaway something for you' Eric: '...Meow' Jodie: 'What? You want 'meow'?=.='
cute couple :3
Disappointment 2: somebody was being so insensitive towards my sadness, that immediacy to get back to his friend without showing a bit of not-wanting-me-to-leave-earlier really pissed me off so I deliberately changed the plan....Yes...I am such a heartbreaker...
This is really embarrassing to say that I am still told off by mum occasionally and the reason is: I eat too slow, I don't chew properly, I stuff food into my mouth too much so that has caused me to eat even slower...And the fact is: The fact... like what she said...
So this morning, I put off the snooze button and went back to sleep for another half an hour. She then woke me up at 7:30, asked me to eat toast with a cup of hot chocolate. Should I say that I have no appetite at all when I am just awake, who knows, I don't feel the hunger and I eat damn slow. She was mad just by seeing me chewing, been rambling a lot like a bugging fly. I had this attempt to put a sticky tape onto her mouth so I could have a more peaceful breakie. But no, I couldn't go any further than that, not even up to my imagination because she's quite bossy all the time. I then just asked why she doesn't go back to sleep, it was just a motive to ask her to get away from me. She then said 'Can't I watch you to eat?' I then replied 'I do not want you to watch me to eat that's why I ask you to go to sleep..and imagine if someone has been picking on how you don't eat properly while staring at you in this early morning, WOULD YOU FEEL GOOD HUH?'
like OPPPSSSSS ....BIG OPPPPPSSSS.....That got her even more furious right after I couldn't hold it anymore...(blah blah blah blah blah....) says... 'if you don't want to get yelled at then CHANGE, CHANGE! you can't endure others' criticism just this tiny bit? then what about when you work in the future, your boss totally tells you off, you gonna give them this dirty face? (these two issues are not even relatable but yes....women are good at making association to two separable things...)
So that was a really unpleasant breakie, I am not saying the toast was bad, indeed it was just dried...(I seriously don't like dry food in the morning, it's too hard to swallow)
Ok...You think this is what I called a bad morning? Nope...
Then I left my house, caught on the train and sat there quietly like everyone else. I suddenly felt my thighs/ somewhere around so icy, a really bad feeling as if my skin was sliced into pieces. As I put my bag onto my thighs, I didn't know what happened there until I found out that half of my jeans was wet with unknown liquid. I took a second thought: NO...I am not wetting my jeans right!? or I am being hyper-insensitive? This can't be true!!
Then I sat tight, kept quiet and thought about what to do, until then, I was getting even wetter and wetter with coldness. A realization just came up in my mind: My freaking water bottle!! is leaking?!?!?
Bag was already soaked, and I looked like that I wet my pants like a 3 year old with two regional wet areas along my thighs...I took my bottle out of my bag, wiped the surface, my bag, my legs and my toes with a bag of tissues. I just hope nobody thought I had some problem with my bladder or some sort...Because it was embarrassing enough to signal that it wasn't what they thought it was...I kept calm, acted nothing has happened, walked out of the gate and went straight to the toilet to clean myself again, even took my jeans off to see if it really terribly wet like a map behind...Luckily it's been a fine and sunny day today, even luckier is that my jeans are not that easy to tell if it's wet or not...
Part 2: Embrace this moment
I am starting to LOVE uni, or is it too late to start liking uni? lol since I've been staying here for almost 2 years, I only start having this affection to like UNSW...Nah, perhaps it's just too hard for me to LOVE anything/ into anything...
But yes, admittedly I like how I can meet so many awesome people in so many ways. Joining this conversation group for the second time, I have found quite a few/ most of them are so wonderfully to be friend with. A place is not literally a setting but a pathway to look for your opportunity to viscerally express yourself to others, even more like an institution that is beautified with all these thoughtful souls.
This Korean guy was so hilarious to ask if I have slept well last night once I got in, and that was the first time we met in the first conversation class lol These two girls seem like they have bigger dreams and goals to achieve, just like me, who never satisfy with current life but keep going for a better one. They have been talking a lot, a lot that you can't even interject by any chance unless they paused a bit. In the first half an hour, they have been talking about politics, election, constitution, government policies in relation to other countries etc. But I felt integrated even though half of the time, I was being a listener but I really enjoyed receiving others' opinions about something that is valuable and insightful. This Korean guy even has told us about plastic surgery, it was really amazing to have a multicultural conversation with all of them. When they have mentioned about translation, that painful look on that girl's face is so impressively cute lol The low self-esteem from what she said has also reminded me of myself. I asked them about the translation program and they also suggested me to do the course in tafe since it would be much more practical than uni.
Then the first section ended happily, none of them left and I stayed as well. Here comes with our group conversation with the new people. We talked about what we wanted to be when we were young compare to what we would like to be after we graduate. Age does change the way you used to plan your life. I do too. I have thought about being a scientist, a translator, a diplomat, a writer and now a backstage designer. The girl right next to me said she wanted to be a farmer. In fact, being a farmer in Australia would be able to get rich in some day lol This guy then told us he wanted to be a taxi driver when he was younger then he realized it's a dodgy bad paid job after he grows older...We all once had naive thought and plans about what our future will be like though it usually will not turn out to be the one we want, but we keep fighting for our dreams. Tammy, our mentor is also the one full of experiences telling us how great her journeys were, and how all these have changed her life. Another girl who also seems really experienced has told us she's studying law as well, same as Tammy. I worship law people to the max :) After she has shared her life story, her dream career and what she's working as now, I asked her age, she told me she's 28, got married with a dutch. Similarly, she has quit uni for half a year then came back just to get a master degree in law. I can tell how outgoing she is, this is just relatively based on the way she talks. She made the whole class so lively :)
We no longer live in a static state during this time of changing with advanced technology and more and more geniuses overwhelmingly are discovered. It gives me a good sense of belonging as I have found this soulful feeling towards this discussion. If you have ever thought/ rethought/ contemplated what you will end up with, or you just have no idea/ so lost to even think about it. Be voluntarily take some actions from whatever chances are given out there, whatever you can do to create some stories for your life because experience acts as fundamental fuel and asset to integrate yourself to the larger community..We don't want to leave a blank page here do we?
Lastly..how do you define a promising future...what's your option? go with the flow? go after your dreams?
PS: I like Lady gaga because she IS herself, she doesn't ACT....authentic and wild, let's give her some applause!!
I only focused on doing the preparation of the upcoming exam will be held on Thursday. Yes I really put my whole heart into it so . 'BAM' a noise was made from the balcony as if a meteoroid just hit my house. I consciously turned around, found out she was completely lying there and seemed in a paralysis of terror, 'You OK mum!??!' I was quite astounded, even was going to approach her. She replied'Yeah, I guess..' Instead of helping her to get up, I went back to my seat after that. She then yelled out 'Hey you don't even come out to help me up?!' I heard, and just realized what I did was so rude.
So she was on top of the ladder cleaning the roof. It wasn't a windy day today but the ladder vertically collapsed all in a sudden, and this caused her to drop to the floor from 2 meters height...
Silly act 2: I went to stand the ladder up instead of assist her to get up. This time, she was even more angrily telling me off because I didn't even measure what should be the first thing to do. She is the one that inclined to get pissed off so easily especially if I don't seem to show much caring, this is really inappropriate in her eyes....
Hope makes it happen!
During the time I was dragged by her to watch the 'super orator', she has showed me a few speakers who have amazingly done a great job improvising on the stage, lack of preparation is not a problem at all, as long as you show the confidence you should have. That cool girl in white has completely changed her style and turned into a dignified lady who owns her pride of being a female racer. She has expressed her thought of being left out when everyone around her has married, but she still stays single due to her manliness. But in my point of view, I exceptionally envy this kind of girls and I want to be one of them. Her bravery, her self-evaluation as well as her self-respect have shown the best of what a girl should be like in this contemporary society. But more importantly, her experiences have created a bigger picture for her to visualize the human nature, what a life could be like in a critical moment. I was really inspired by her talk not just the style she has there, the cool gesture, the casual facial expression and all that, just so relaxed and approachable with newly developed power from the feminism, also HOPE...
Another speaker is the guy whom got amputated when he was only 13 years old. He smiles all the time, with honesty and kindness. I have never seen a person can be this tough, and only passing positive power to the audience. I do understand he uses smile as one of his strategies to lessen the embarrassment he felt from the outsiders. It's even harder to imagine how he has been through all this years if I was him. Majority people's prejudice, unawareness of looking down on them, humiliation etc, what a society has become is dependent on how everyone behaves but by now, should we have taken more concerned on the ones who should have treated equally like everyone else? To be/ look abnormal is not their choice but their fate, I don't think anyone would want to be like that if they do have the choice. The speaker was right, empathy is attributed to moral value, it tops everything in the list. But then again, empathy is hardly seen within the crowd when it's contradictory to our self-interest, so we smile it off, not because we accept it happens, but the difficulty and inability to change this fashion that has been there for years. However, he has never given up his HOPEto educate people, a wish to impact on others...
They got me really teary, please stay strong and keep inspiring more people :)
One of those days is embedded with nothingness and simplification...
nah...nothing can be nothing, at least I did something that I should have done a few weeks ago
yay, I finished two weeks of notes for course 2094!!! that 50+ pages of textbook readings plus another 40+ pages of online readings. Finishing plans is not hard, you just gotta be really goal-oriented
Then I have established a list of the songs I've been listening to these days...
Oddly had this attempt to check some philosophical quotes, so I ended up reading quotes for 2 to 3 hours and that has nothing to do with anything I learn for my course. lol I would say I only find them really relatable to how I view something in different dimensions, as well as they help me to deepen my understanding of something we tend to neglect
Spent another a few hours recording myself singing...I can feel my voice is getting developed to a higher pitch for some reason
re-occurrence of recording and deletion...
Made a tweet on Twitter
Scrolled down the newsfeed of Fb, clicked on memes that caught my eyes
switched songs one by one
long sigh: I am overwhelmed by watching utter talented people on X-factor or any sort of reality shows like that, you are getting so fearful of being so ordinary as you have this feeling that talented people are outnumbered lol
Oh what a great labor day, this simple, but I still feel so good :)
After reviewing the essay I have done last night for numerous of times, I have concluded that this essay is perfectly fine but just in a wrong context. It was my own fault for not asking the person what some parts of requirement was when my system can't decode some important information.
I slept for 15 hours btw. When I woke up, my brain has not felt this refreshed for a while...Then I got on with my(somebody's) essay. That 1500 words. No, it was not a joke at all, I needed to redo it...
So I picked angry birds, which is one of the categories I could take for my major topic. But seriously, there ain't that much scholarly articles to support this topic unless I go for casual games. Most of them are forums and interviews with the Finnish company Rovio, who created Angry birds. But thanks for this chance that I am being forced to do Angry birds so it has allowed me to know more about this game behind the stage.
Despite the fact that writing about 1500 words about Angry birds has turned me into an angry bird. The call I received from oversea was enough for me to feel a bit better after all. After that talk with my fattie, he suggested me to use the amount I have saved more wisely and DO NOT take any actions until I ask for more info about something expensive I want to get. Just another educational talk from the parent even though he has repeated the same point for more than hundreds of times, I still enjoy the way he taught me as if he has been giving me a lecture...I don't know since when she has told him about another goal of mine, is about the translation certificate I am aiming to get. He is strongly supportive to the decision I make, says it can be another pathway for me after I graduate.
Luckily tomorrow is public holiday so I can get on with my own work FINALLY...exams, presentation, essays are somewhere close...head's up and get ready to FINISH them....*with an angry bird's face*
