NYE

The spot where we stayed for 10+ hours near the harbour bridge at Circular Quay was so packed by 1pm already. That area was closed by then. Everyone had to get the wristband that was only valid for an hour to get out and get back in. Panpan bought us two hot dogs with cheese and a banana milkshake for lunch.

I was told that I wasn't prepared enough to go to a place under this heat when my umbrella is so small for a fatty like him. He kept saying he should've brought his big umbrella to avoid the sun exposure. But then, when I asked him to apply some sunscreen on his skin, he rejected.. 

It was rather to be boring in the first a few hours since I didn't really have any interest to do anything. Unlike him, who was reading a thick novel right next to me. I had a nap for some time yet couldn't really fall asleep as I felt like my skin was grilled by this thermal weather. 

A white girl was totally told off by her mum in this nye. I actually felt her. If I was her, I would've felt quite embarrassed in the public as well...

Sydney weather is too unpredictable and changeable, which makes weather forecast no longer trustful. The last minute was as hot as a burning hot pot, the next minute was cool down with rain. During the time when panpan was away, a French guy came to me and randomly put his arm around me before he greeted. It was common to see French enthusiasm to strangers. He told me that he and his friends are tourists here for 2 months. I pointed at the blondie who was also sharing an umbrella with a group of strangers and smiled at him, and asked 'Is she your gf?' He denied, his friend next to him replied me'Just for sex' LOL Their friendliness has brightened my day even though it was only a light talk about fireworks and holidays. Later on they even took some photos with me.

To end 2013, our only truth (but no dare) game by taking turns to ask each other one question was taken the last two hours. I answered every question with all my honesty though some parts are still needed to be reserved.

Unlike the previous two years, I didn't cry this time. I still remember the year before I went teary with my deepest gratitude towards that special someone, he was there with me and being really supportive at that time. And for last year, it was quite depressingly to shed a few tears with a shattered heart. The only emotion I had this year when I watched fireworks was 2013-is-finally-over...thank god....Not much filming, photos and talking but hugging. A lot of hugs. I still have somebody to whisper to my ear to wish me a happy new year. A different guy. I guess you won't remember how beautiful the firework was but the one who went to watch it with you. What makes this worthy is how happy you share this moment of the year with somebody but not being alone. 'Scream and shout, and let it all out'...Right, 2013 is gone, welcome to 2014, why not?

PS: I texted somebody with a long message wishing him happy new year and I still haven't got a response from him
PS1: I need so much love to confirm my presence
PS2: It was so packed that I was afraid I would get lost in the crowd, lucky somebody is big enough to be my protector
PS3: Almost an hour to get back to Central train station, really was fighting through millions of people, as Eric said lol
PS4: So many crazy shits in the city, it fully became a rubbish dump
PS5: The most hilarious thing on my way home was to find out a man in his 40's was sleeping with arm-over-his-head-and-fully-tilting-to-the-window-bridge-like position..plus annoying the shit out of everyone with his LOUD snoring in the carriage. The 4 whites were fully laughing at him, especially that grey hair guy who made fun of him throughout the trip. I laughed at their laughters, 5 of us looked at each other and continued to laugh more, more laughters...laughed even more...and more laughters for half an hour. This was my first time laughing with a bunch of strangers for that long til the train arrived at my station. The oldie said to me 'Good melody throughout the whole trip in new year ey' *winks* LOL 'you guys enjoy the rest of your trip lol happy new year btw'

Sure it was a great NYE.... GOOD LUCK IN 2014!!!

Ordinary day(2) (30th of Dec)

• I got my acne gel prescription from Dr Chauhan. The repetition cannot be applied through non-PBS program though I have my healthcare card here. It is a must for me to go back to the doctor next month just to ask for another prescription=.= so annoying...
• Grotesque fettish is a part of me, guess what I have watched today...A 9 min video of the biggest cyst popping made me so excited somehow...(don't judge...) 
• Can't believe I was rejected by Eric, who got a dinner party with his girl tomorrow T__T so he can't make it to the firework >A< NUUUUUUUUU 
• Then I had no idea who to invite since it could be damn weird for them to be with panpan and mum at the same time...How can this be not weird if this is the first time your friend sees your bf and your mum in nye, I mean bf is ok-ish, but plus mum...>.>
• The ancient series has taught me a good lesson of not being too innocent. Cruelty is everywhere. Human is the most threatening species...
• Tomorrow will be the nye...what do we have here? :3

Ordinary day (29th of Dec)

• I was too exhausted to do anything else after I came back from jogging
• directly fell asleep on my mum's old massage chair for two hours. By the time I was awaken by mum, two hours were gone in nowhere. 
• happily been watching an ancient series with mum for the whole day
• someone invited me to go a double date with his friend yet my unwillingness was quite disappointing I assumed. 
• The movie 'Free birds' will be released on our anniversary YAYYYY...Although I am not quite sure if the time for the movie that day fits our already-planned schedule

(28th of Dec)

• The second time did that to him after he has taught me how to be an experienced... *cough cough*
• Improvement was rewarded with a lot of....*cough cough again*
• Talked at the park and he did most of the talking
• Mexican restaurant wasn't open that day so we ended up eating at that Japanese restaurant
• Clumsy me dropped the spoon on the floor before I started to eat my noodles
• Somebody couldn't get on the earlier train after he took me to rivy because of me, who made him catch the second train which came after 20 minutes>.>
• sowieeeee..>.>  

(27th of Dec)

Jogging in the sunny day made me feel so refreshed but sad thing was, I wore the wrong pair of shoes=.= I didn't even notice I was with my blue platforms til I was close to the park...>.> That added so much effort for me to run 3km today :S was even scared that I would trip over for the entire half an hour..

When I saw a plane flying over my head during my break, it aroused so much feelings of nostalgia. I started to recall the first day I came to Australia, and my arrival has brought so many changes to my life later on. The new home seems much more attractive than where the immigrants are from, but that's what I thought too, until then variation of experiences has told me how significant my life has turned over to make those changes. To migrate to Australia has always been a long process, my family was also in that long waiting queue back in almost 20 years ago.

However, someone became the reason for her to give up that opportunity to move to a foreign country when I was born. The same person eventually became another reason to make her completely make up her mind to start a new life when I was 12. The emotional maturity I have developed was much faster than those years I was under someone's shelter in my own country. In here, I only had myself, to confront any kinds of problems, even for those that were much beyond a 12-year-old kid's ability to handle.

I become so negative, angry, irritated at times but after all, I accept everything in the end. Any problems are potential problems you might have in the later years, I might just have them much earlier in my age at some points....So why can't we think about making those unpleasant changes to something beneficial for us to feel better..

Boxing day..(26th of Dec)

• Had a deep talk with mum about panpan, who doesn't seem that mature in her eyes..
• I tried to defend him in a way that he's still a kid, but you just can't help to change who she thinks he is when she's a damn picky person
• I couldn't go jogging in the morning as it was rainy, instead I had my half an hour exercise session at home, which was great as I got to do something even though I couldn't jog.
• Her bf was supposed to take us to the grounds Alexandra to have a big Christmas meal. But then it wasn't open today after we took a 40 minute drive to get there. He suggested to go Thai restaurant in Bondi, then again, it was a bit further and would have been taking ages to drive there, yet we weren't even sure if the restaurant he took us to was open or not. He finally made up his mind to take us to somewhere closer, Cronulla. However, the Thai restaurant he took us there was full LOL...
• It was so retarded to have a good meal in a public holiday as the restaurants were either close or full...There wasn't any room for three people unless we waited for an hour=.=
• Although choosing one restaurant was pretty frustrated for three of us, we three had a pretty good time in the car. He has been telling mum how much he misses Africa and loves the time when mum was still working at the same place as him before, the time they both could see each other more, much more than now. I, was the biggest light bulb sitting at the back, listening to their adorable dialog, and giggled. 
• The last Thai restaurant he took us to was in Rockdale. Those four dishes we ordered worth the price, as mum said, the massive amount of seafood they put in was quite satisfying. Everything was with good taste except the fried ice cream, which was relatively disappointed..
• He's the one that turns mum into a kiddy-like person whenever he's there. But thanks for him, who has brought lots of joys for mum. When two people are simple minded, no matter how hard for them to communicate with each other, that wouldn't cause too much problems between them. Perhaps their love has proved how great a simple life could be... 

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!

LOL SUPERRRRRRRR DELAYED POST HERE WOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO (now it's actually 5th of Jan and I still haven't updated this post....sowieeeeeeeeee panpan >3<)

MERRRRRRYYYYYYY CHRISTMAS...HOPE EVERYONE SPENT A GREAT CHRISTMAS LAST YEAR :3

Before we both went to sleep, le panpan sent a Christmas letter to his korara. It would be one of the most important events I gotta spend with him. First of all, thanks for being there with me today...

Eric texted me when I was waiting for panpan at Central. He is still the really caring brother that I've ever had in here, asking if I wanted to go to his house and spend Christmas with others together if I had no one to be with :3

Panpan arrived, took me to that sushi place in market city. We gobbled up 20 dishes of sushi. As panpan said, I am the sushi terminator, but I terminate raw seafood as one of my favourites sushi types. It was rather embarrassing when clumsy me again, couldn't hold a glass of water tight and that glass jumped, and made water spit onto the lady who sat next to me. >.>

After lunch, or brunch. We went galaxy world. No matter what kinds of games we played, I have never won this person for once...He was evil enough to make my car spin around to the max during bumper cars' games. Knowingly I would be a helpless girl getting bullied by someone like him, who loves to bump cars so much, I still wouldn't like the idea to be with someone in the same car...Playing alone is much cooler. Killing bf is not an exception hahaha

The pool place was fine in Christmas since I haven't been playing pool with him in ages. Surprisingly I won the second game. That's what I remember as I have never won him but today. But it was all pure luck, and he actually was gone a bit worse, as he said. He taught me how to play proper pool by asking me to practice with 9 balls, and I needed to hit them in order. Though it has always been quite humiliating to make fun of by him because my pool is too shit to let anyone see haha, it was just a lesson being taught by someone that's better than you heaps. I did learn something.

The second last destination we went was St James, which it said there would be a light projection show nearby. However, the only light projection there was the Christmas tree. Supposedly the Church should have been the one that with light projection all around, we saw no signs. It might be the rain that caused light projections cancel. But we still took a few photos under the rain.

You think we should have eaten something big in Christmas? I thought that too but we ended up having KFC lol The restaurant he wanted to take me to was close during public holidays, same with other restaurants. Eating in KFC was my idea because I wanted to save more time to talk to him afterward. We ordered some wicked wings and something else such as burger. That burger is really called 'burger' lol

He then took me home so we basically had our meal on the train while he was happily sharing his recent stories with me. His friend who has this fettish of traps, and some of his other friends on Skype. I didn't talk much as usual but I could feel how happy he was when he shared this part of stories with me. Arrived in Rivy, we went down there in my flat to chat. By talking about betrayal, we could have been in the similar situation before with our exes so I suddenly found a reason to treat this person nicer. But I wouldn't believe he would take that long to forget his ex, because for me, a flirty person like him is able to move on easily lol

I didn't get to see the light projections in city, and silence has always been there between us. Christmas, a silent Christmas...But at least, I have done something with someone, unlike the saddest truth of mine in a year, when I actually felt the time fly away because incalculable things happened in my life, and that has already made me forget how to enjoy something I should have enjoyed..

Merry Christmas again...sorry for the super delayed post...thank you and wuv you :)

Christmas Eve, Family time

It's rare that she got invited by her friend to go yumcha in the morning. I went to market city with her to wait for her long lost friend, who used to work with her in China back in 30 years ago. half an hour later, he came with his wife. They both ate so little, his wife talked so little. I was right beside mum busy playing her iPhone while both of them have been recalling the past all this time...

As mum's been looking for the massage chair, he directed her to level 2 and tried the ones there first. It was too good to let it go, we love how it relieves tension in our back, feet, mostly the whole body, only the price is not affordable for a family like us. 

The quality of Cotton on's pj, undies and bras are so damn good with super low price, so it wasn't strange for her to shop around for nearly 3 hours in such a shop with ideal style and price at the same time. 

The work is done, the shopping is done, time to have some family time in this Christmas Eve. The church is the best and first place I can think of to take mum to. It offered free food and freebies for everyone despite we ain't Christians. For laid-back kind of atmosphere that mum and I enjoyed the most in the church event was the carol, the songs were all musically played with piano that brought us with a sense of belonging to the ones who were Christians there. 

I like how the weather turned to be a bit cooler with rain, but not that heavily pouring. That's how a Christmas should be like. Mum recorded a few videos, though it was rather embarrassing to turn around because I was actually upsetting about something. Looking back to the past years, I was full of all sorts of feelings well up in my minds by thinking about how much I have changed to who I am now, and how there was so much for me to overcome with emotion. Looking at the one that was next to me, my mum, who's been here for me all these 21 years, and I finally get to spend a Christmas Eve with her this year. I was saddened by the carol, which accentuated my isolation from what I got from separation in the past, yet without all these, I might have never known the increasingly deep feeling within me growing stronger and stronger to my forever love one, she's there, for me, and she'll never leave.

Badminton...(23rd of Dec)

We are Asians, we live for Badminton, one of the popular Asian sports... I was the only one girl in my group playing badminton there. Apparently they showed no mercy, they never did anyways. One of my partners was being a meanie saying 'I don't want yisha...can I team up with guys?' =.= That's why I hate Harry so damn much...so damn much..

During my breaks, Eric lent me his phone to play Cytus, and I got addicted to it, so I never went back to play badminton again (jokes...but I did spend my half an hour playing it..>.>) *that's what games do to people..*

3 hours passed, my legs were sore, so sore, to the point that I couldn't walk up the stairs and needed someone to support me at the back. 

Indecisive them spent more than 20 minutes to decide where we were going to eat. I've never thought about guys could be this indecisive, even hoping they could take me to eat somewhere new. Yes, they definitely did, we were supposed to get scrumptious beef which was 50% off that day. However, we ended up going to that old Viet restaurant as I left my wallet at home, and my ID was inside...Without ID, they said to us 'I could let you guys in but that girl has to leave' Then Eric said to them 'But, but but but but she's the oldest among all of us' LOL...>.> Am I such a troublemaker to my friends?=.=

I took a long time to read through the menu as I didn't know what to pick..Eric came to me, picked something for me and paid for me..Brother is still the best, as always..

I sat at the same table with Eric and David. Later Eric asked David if there is anyone he likes, he then answered him with 'no point'...For some reason, I saw Eric had a glance at me then I quickly lowered my head silently eating my noodles...To break the silence, he continued to ask him if he's with Mariessa, a girl that I first introduced her to David. They subsequently became best friends, I still remember how I regarded this as he stole her from me. David's denial has become the biggest mystery to me since he can never be open up to me again, I doubt that if they have ever been together yet do not want to tell the truth because I was also there listening.

After the dinner, I was more than forced to play werewolf game with them at the back. Half an hour was already gone by the time Brian finished explaining his so-called more complicated version of werewolf. Jeff started to lose his patience, said 'Can we start now? The restaurant is nearly close..=.=' LOL ouch....Brian ignored him, continued to explain further strategies of how to play this game well lol...I love how they interact ed hahaha

Btw I didn't go home earlier as I should have as I was sitting in the middle between Harry and Jeff, those two meanies that I dislike the most...=.= My innocence is the weapon to be a successful undercover werewolf in this case, nobody has ever eliminated me as a suspect in two games. Eric played it so well as each time when he tried to explain his logic of who is the real werewolf here, the provision of his evidence is plausibly supported according to others' statements.

As I was afraid that I couldn't get home by 10:30, I left them first but Eric and Jeff appeared at the same platform after 5 minutes I arrived there. We got on the same train, three of us played several games of big two. We dropped off from Wolli Creek, Eric asked who I would spend xmas with during the time we waited for another train to come. I fell asleep once I got on the train, I felt someone blew my hair and I was pretty sure it was Jeff because I heard Eric said 'Let her sleep..' By the time I woke up, I saw Eric playing with his phone. I moved closer to watch him playing, the next thing he did was to pause, and help me to tuck my hair behind my ear as my hair became so messy after I leaned on the train sleeping. Thanks Eric, who's been there for me all these years..

uhh..what a day...(22nd of Dec)

Another super delayed post here...I was late for 25 minutes to reach Ashfield. He took me to his friend, Ivy's house and I sat there being a loner, knowing nobody there and occasionally asked people if they needed some help. Anna, the one with glasses asked me to untie the apron for her, Eunice came and only got to talk to her a bit. The birthday girl greeted me but we didn't talk that much, everyone seemed to be so busy helping. After those guys knew I am panpan's gf, they surrounded me and introduced themselves though I hardly remember most of their names. Overall I am bad at remembering people's faces and names..

The day was full of fun if only I could be more actively participating. But I wasn't really in a talkative mood making new friends. I wish I was...

The water gun fight was SHOOOOOOO WETTTT....>.> Some of them ruthlessly poured the whole bucket of water to us from top to bottom, to make us completely soaked wasn't a difficult task at all...Water gun fight can be never boring, it added much more fun to a day under this heat. 

The kris kringle thingy was rather a journey of seeking for treasure, doubt that if it really is a 'treasure' game as it was sort of bothersome to look for one shape within that big park with a failed clue in your hand. But Anna found panpan's one, in return, panpan helped some of them out to look for theirs. 

Panpan received a card game gift for kris kringle. I ripped it open. With a booklet of rules on the floor, we were reading while playing. Here came with a girl in black, who looked pretty badass and asked me if I am his gf...Later on, a question that was rather rude asked by her in the first time we just met. Panpan and I awkwardly laughed at that, and being silent answering nothing.

The pinnata thing was quite amusing in a way by watching people were blindfolded to hit the pinnata hanging in the air. Some of them tried to trick them by lifting up the string which tied up the pirate boat. 

A girl called Vanessa came and talked to me for a few times that day. She's really outgoing and nice from her innocent eyes. 

But I wasn't really that sociable that day. What I did was playing panpan's phone and ipod, and found out something that I wish it could be unseen. I lost my interest to talk to him in our way home. He even wanted to call my mum that he would not come to our house tonight because I was mad at him

As depressed as I was, I cried on the train, cried again at the backyard during the time we talked. Asking about why he's being so flirty to so many girls, especially to the one who actually thought he's being so flirty to herself, and hence intentionally kept distance from him. Yet he still seems so desperate to talk to her for some reason. If this is not an attempt to chase after a girl, I don't know what else can be represented as a sign of liking a person. He did the same thing to me once before we started dating by frequently asking me to webcam, complimenting me, talking to me a lot during breaks or whenever he's free. As a result of all that, we became a couple. Then tell me, how is this not possible to do the same thing OR like other girls when he keeps sending the same signals that gives me quite a bit of insecure feelings. 

 

The first time ever the night talk immensely has built up some bridges between us. I told him what we can do about our problems and what we will do after our anniversary. A deal was made. Truth hurts, but problems are needed to solve after all. 

We were late for dinner because of this. He might have been making himself too comfortable after he came to our house for couple times and that he wasn't considerate enough to act more mature in front of my mum. I always know that it takes time for him to build up his maturity, and I've been knowing that mum has a pretty high standard to everything and everyone, thus delicate things can turn out to be big in her eyes...

Saturday...(21st of Dec)

I don't ever think keep changing bf is a sin or a crime that is not morally acceptable. Someone has made a quite insulted joke behind my back and I was not happy about knowing this. Really. Also, another person doesn't seem to get over things that happened more than 2 years ago. The moral of this story has told me that once you ruin your image, once you get hatred from rejecting a person or once you break their heart, forgiveness can hardly be given from them ever again, no matter how close you guys once were...

Somebody taught me something that I am really inexperienced with...

We hardly have any talks in person but I felt like talking to him today yet he couldn't go out tonight

Thanks for sharing some interesting facts about your cross dressing friend btw 

And the peck on my cheek during the time when I slept somehow sparked romance between us. I felt so loved..

super delayed post...(20th of Dec)

• This was supposed to be recorded a week ago...
• I had another day hanging out with le panpan in the city. We firstly went to the Japanese restaurant, where is close to Chinatown, the opposite of capitol. I order a salmon salad and a side dish because I wasn't that hungry. He ordered a set meal.
• The wasabi there is not that good I should say
• He called me adorably fat, I prefer to be called adorable but not fat...>.>
• Straight to Daiso after we finished our meal. He got his friend a gift and that kris kringle gift. I mean he shouldn't feel bad getting someone a birthday gift with a pretty low price. For me, trifling gifts carry profound feeling, it's the feeling and thought that count, not the gift itself. 
• Then we went movie though that wasn't first place that came into my mind. 'Thor the dark' surpasses my expectation from the way it presents, lot of elements involved not only action. I kind of realised that this movie is a lot more like a sci-fi than a superhero one. In the beginning of the movie, I was wondering whether this would be a really fun movie to watch as the historical background that has given us in the first scene looked kind of plain. The protagonist really carries the typical charismatic quality like those great heros with his huge hammer. (ok just stop here...not going too detailed or spoil it...) but yeh, good movie, highly recommended   rank: 3.5/5
• meow....post-movie time was sort of uhhh...panpan and I been playing game on his devices separately in front of the cinema. Dramatic things happened when I bit him hard on his neck, his natural reaction caused him drop me on the floor, a kick involved due to his slightly madness. We basically tortured each other to the max. My unwillingness to go dinner made him lose patience, so he dragged me out at the end...
• Anyways long message was required for the unhappy day. But yeah, I don't seem to be having a serious talk with him, even after we sat on the bench and tried to talk to each other. Perhaps it really is my problem being so....you know...not wanting to open up myself to a person that I find him so untrustworthy... 

(19th of Dec)

• Constantly been thinking about if I can get the test passed in my way to RTA. The booked test started at 2 and I was already there half an hour earlier. 
• It was such a relief knowing I got perfect mark and got my photo ID...The long waiting time to get that driver's license renewed was not something I enjoyed though. 
• Met mum at Wolli Creek and went Daiso together. Daiso has become one of her favourites every time when she comes to the city. 
• The rest of the night was with panpan, who got invited by mum, to have dinner with us. In the beginning she asked us to take her to look for massage chair so badly. Out of so many things that could possibly pick, she picked massage chair>.> It was rather a hard job for us to find her that, besides, I seriously don't think it'll be a good idea getting one...
• The food in that Korean restaurant was not worthy honestly.
• A bit of awkwardness tonight for some reason. I am not sure why. 
• She wants to spend yet I want to save. She said I was so annoying yet I only thought to myself MUST stop her attempt to spend on goods such as my headphone. As determined as I am, I only want to purchase my own things with my own saving. If to satisfy my material need is to add more burden to my family, I rather not to catch up with the trend..
• First time panpan, mum and I had an official outting in the city, I shall remember this...

Preparation (18th of Dec)

In short, that practice test won't be hard but lack of confidence makes everything seems harder than usual. I can recall the time when I did my car test 5 years ago once I came to Sydney. The time that I had no idea where RTA is, where and how to book a test and all that. And I ended up dealing with all that by myself in a foreign place. I seriously don't get the point having driver's license in this stage, for me, public transportation is good enough. To my family, why mum has to give such a hard time adding so much pressure to herself though she has known that it's unlikely for us to afford such an extra cost from car issues. It has been five years in Sydney, if I've ever had someone to teach me how to drive, I would have gotten my full license by now yet after 5 years, what I do is to renew it by taking another practice test...

Why does life have to be this unfair..

Another ordinary day (17th of Dec)

When I don't go out, I still have something to be done at home. Now I am not saying this is no good, but I would love to have some spare time to do something I like, not something that must be done forcibly.

Jogging with mum in the morning again. The old guy once again invited us to go to his house. He has been telling me how big his house is and we can do karaoke in there lol

Nothing much special today really.

To practice my car test so I can book the appointment to renew my driver's license tomorrow or the day after. Even though I seriously don't think I need it but mum has been telling me to get it before it's expired on the 22nd=.= Pretty annoying...

Le panpan..(16th of Dec)

• Mum went jogging with me in the morning. This is the first time she is determined enough to go with me after she is recovered recently.
• It was rainy after I completed 3 rounds and walked for another round. We stayed at the little playground and did some stretching exercises. 
• rang up to ask about my suspension...That guy said I didn't reach the minimum numbers of courses I should've done for the whole year so they thought I was a part-time student=.=
• The date of inspection cannot be changed as they have booked it for the whole building...
• That game addict bf and I were having 'wrestling' on the floor and bed because neither of us surrendered...
• Actually I brought this up due to my extreme hating to guys playing online games and I have learned that he's one of them. 
• Those silly faces he made was trying to make me laugh to the point I needed water to clear my throat=.= 
• Anyways the shower was grateful and sexual. I felt good my back got rubbed with soap by somebody other than my mum lol
• We sneaked out from his house after his mum came back and went to sleep
• He took me to that Malay restaurant where we planned to go last time yet they closed. We ordered a $40 beef pot contains beef tongue, intestine, tripe and lung with mildly chilli. I ate a lot of meat, and my herbal tea was chosen to eliminate the chilli food I ate. 
• We then went to darling harbour and I sat somewhere waiting for him to come back from getting his hot chocolate. During the time we talked, his arms were bitten by mosquitoes and that he scratched both arms so frequent like a monkey. He wasn't even tired to tap my knees to see those reflexes the whole night=.= I just found it so funny everytime he did that on purpose and made my legs so jumpy as I put them on his laps. We had a couple talk as usual while hugging each other under my scarf in this cold night. The lack of connection between us has been always there, and I don't know when can this go away. He cried for that though. I felt damn sorry yet I couldn't do anything about it. 
• Mum yelled at me for coming back home so late these days...
• Lastly...I still enjoy panpan's company :)

Mature talk (15th of Dec)

I wasn't the one that was late, somebody was even later than me for another 15 minutes or so. It wasn't awkward at all though we haven't seen each other for almost a year after that breakup. It's also good to know that we can still stay friends. I don't know how others think about having close friendships with exes, but for me, I don't think there is anything wrong with it, and they are the ones that know me much better than anyone else.

My last ex is still the same, the only difference is that his qualities of maturity are even more revealing from his unshaved beard and mustache. The time when I asked if he still does regular workout. He answered me with 'I think I need to workout more because my abs is gone lol' But then again, he added 'I am not the weak skinny type though, I am quite strong.' I watched him eat in pepper lunch and we both shared about what happened in this one year. His planning of investing a media company is quite a shocking news to me, I even teased him to hire me if he seriously does that with his brother. He slowly held a glass of water, contemplating for a while and said 'No, I am serious, and why not? I would definitely hire you' With a smirk on his face, I continued to ask about his work and studies. However when I reached a topic of his family in Thailand, he paused and said 'Better not to ask about it.' It has been always a taboo for him to talk about his family in Thailand, which he still financially supporting them I assumed. 

To my amazement, he ate so little. The unfinished salad was so wasted so I helped him to eat half of it... In our way to the park, he said he needed to leave at 5-ish. I asked whether it's before 5 or after 5 when he said 5-ish, then I was told being so picky. Well, I was trying to make everything clear>.>

We found a bench to sit down and talk for a bit. Quite a bit. I haven't found someone like him who can have a deep talk with me for a while. His sign of maturity during our talk helps me to reaffirm how vital a connection works in a relationship. With a little bit of frustration and disappointment that I told him about my situation, he then claimed he has no trust in nobody, just like me, who's being so doubtful about things and people. I was understood by him, who has told me friends are temporary in different period of time, they come and go, so when I greeted him, he felt really happy. That is more than true, which I totally agree with him, when I find people's shallow side after they hear about my stories, and react in a way that I think they don't even take my stories seriously, I lose my interest in opening up myself. Ever heard of unexamined life is not worth living? Life does need judgement and require thought to what we have done and what lies ahead. 

Anyways as I wanted to go to toilet, he went back to Central station with me. Then we came back and moved to sit on the grass. Before we were going to walk across to the other side of the bench, he was going to lead me to go all the way to the other side, I dragged him and said 'why not just walk across? lol why bother to walk all the way?' He then said 'I was just being nice, didn't want you to trip over walking on the bumpy grass as you are with high platforms' Just a simple considerate thought of his, a delicate thing that most of the guys wouldn't have thought about, even I forgot it, has made me smile. Also the exception he made for me, which he said he doesn't chat with people that much anymore, but to me, he would always respond because he knows this side of me quite well, which I would be mad if he takes ages to get back to me. Maybe that is why the ones that I see as grown up, can win my heart easily, their unintentional acts simply keep someone secure and warm without themselves even notice. By talking to him at the park, I have learnt something in that 2 hours, certainly it was more like a heartfelt talk. And his wisdom of planning his future is worth knowing as a sample of planning my own later on. 

A precious friend is someone that can share something with you at a very high personal level and even though you guys don't talk, the connection is still there. No awkwardness, no tenderness but just closeness :)

PS: Talked to Panpan's friend Ivy and I found myself talking too much to a stranger before I get to meet her in a week>.> so weird that is....

PS1: I am sorry to say that...BUT it was quite a random conversation with le panpan after he came back, yes longie? lol :3 but anyways, I love my bf's childishness sometimes, the way he cheers me up is really his unique panpan style x3

The eventful day (14th of Dec)

• Jap Fest was awesome. I went there alone in the morning that day. It was such a sunny day and I got sunburn over both of my shoulders. But it was worthy to go there for a couple hours, even though I didn't really purchase anything except for food. One box of yakisoba, takoyaki and one piece of green tea flavour nuomici ice-cream. I also bumped into my friend Karen and her friends during the time I was going to get some food. She was close to scream when she saw me and we went to the side to talk a bit. Anyways the traditional Japanese styled performance was amazing to watch. 
• It was a failure to fill up that bottle of sand and it was extremely awkward to ask for another one because I got rejected afterward lol
• The bbq with panpan's friends after 5pm...I hand fed him some meat and pumpkin pieces while he was cooking for us. That poor panpan had to be a cook serving all of us with chicken wings and that had already taken him heaps of time.
• I felt sorry left him alone after he was unhappy about me doing that after the bbq. But I thought he would be ok cooking alone there yet I wasn't thinking much about how he felt. 
• That girl named Joanna was super talkative. Most of the time she did the talking within our group chat. And most of the time she talked about variety of aspects about her future husband, who doesn't get accepted by her parents as he's half Jap and half Chi. I do get why they have such a bias. I really like her personality though she has once said panpan's fat. Right after she said that, I laughed, and panpan saw that while he was busy talking to Fiona, who keens on talking to him as if they are still so close. 
• The rat was running around freaking people out. The family before us have shit their pants in that moment of fear when the rat was found running around them. Michael claimed to bbq it if he ever seen it again lol
• Michael gave both panpan and I a lift to the train station. It was one of the funniest moment when there was sexual references involved from our convo. He heard us kissing at the back so he instantly asked panpan he's got everything he needs in the car if something's demanded...His gf was even funnier giving us a I-don't-know-what-you-guys-are-talking-about face. Thus panpan and I found that quite hilarious laughing for the rest of our trip, it got me a sore throat by laughing too much though..
• Panpan and I had a talk in my unit when he was eating his curry. The talk was short but cheerful. Unfortunately each time when I am in a talking mode, we don't really have much time left...     

(13th of Dec)

• The suspension of my youth allowance has something to do with my enrolment...
• My healthcare card form is finally submitted after I waited there for an hour
• Met up with Corey, Land and Karen in that same pool place. Like Corey has said, I don't give surprises til I play with someone more competitive. It was so close to beat Land in the last game. 
• Corey has been teasing me for being ruthless because I asked him not to talk to his gf while he was playing pool. He then said, he wouldn't give up talking to his gf, unlike me, who is being so cold to bf>.>
• I was only asking when his birthday is, he misinterpreted me saying when he will divorce=.= 'LOL, yeah, I will divorce asap hahah ;)' 
• Btw, Land is being so snobby showing off his skills in playing pool...>.> I had a talk with him about uni when we stayed alone though. In order to make him have a pre scary thought about uni, I described it as a hell lol unless he joins clubs and societies 
• The two vs two game was ok-ish. Corey and I were in the same team. He purposely set up for me yet I disappointed him for quite a few times lol>.> He thought I was doing that on purpose, then he chased me around the table and choked me hard>.> Kid's madnessssssss....
• We headed to that hot dog place near the event cinema. We took a few photos before Land left us. He told me how much his gf loves that place whenever they go out. Seeing how adorable those hot dogs and drinks are on the menu, I am not surprised that his gf likes taking him to have meals there. I ordered that Tariyaki chicken hot dog for myself and a drink for him. He thanked me by the time I smacked his head saying how naughty he is. In our way to Wolli creek, Karen, him and I continuously took photos, later giggled about how retarded our faces look like in the picture. They both squeezed me hard as I was sitting in the middle=.= I even found some people turning around and checking what we were doing, but seriously, I was having quite a fun time with these two kids :3
• Anyways...SAFE TRIP BRO!!! I WILL WAIT FOR YOU TO COME BACK!!! XD

The important ones (12th of Dec)

You wouldn't know how much you love a person until something happens. 

I've heard that my cousin is going to have a great celebration for his 1 month old daughter tomorrow and invite all the relatives from my mum's side. Sad thing here is, no relatives from our side will be attending because of grandma, who has been away since my cousin's wife gave birth to the child, is still staying in Foshan, which is another city next to Guangzhou. Other relatives don't feel like coming as grandma doesn't seem to care that much. I know everything is not getting solved in a long time. But come on people, it's not right to bring up family dispute to a newborn baby, she has nothing to do with the adult world...As fattie from oversea has told mum about it, even my mum was mad at them. But at the same time, grandma is doing that for a reason, in other words, she is biased against someone in that family. Mum is only worried about grandma's ignorance will make relatives hate her, especially to the family who lives in Zhuhai, the only one who is able to take care of her, and now, she's not attending her own grandson's daughter's celebration. Mind telling you guys who ain't Chinese, celebrating for a 1 month born child is one of the significant events in the Chinese culture. 

I can finally see my niece via webcam. She has big eyes like me. I even saw her sucking her fingers and drinking milk while looking at the webcam as if she could tell who we are. My mum and I waved at her, then her eyes trickily rolled. My cousin has now become a dad, but it's still so hard for me to imagine that he is one, since my memories are still remained in the age when I went to his house playing a lot of computer games, and he was the one that once got me addicted to games when I was quite young. Also when he and grandpa took me to catch cicada on the tree during summer, now grandpa has passed away for close to five years, and my cousin is married and has a child. Thinking about these changes brings me with this sentimental feeling yet I know at the very least, I still love them no matter where they are, who they have become and regardless how distant we live afar from each other. 

Mum kept telling uncle not to get angry at grandma's irrationality as she was the reason caused everyone not willing to attend the celebration. Our family problems might be too complicated to explain here in short. But I have known this aspect since I was 12, which was the first time I came to Australia. Mum was crying while talking to my uncle, who only shed a few tears when she told him not to be mad at grandma, but took care of her as she has become quite a loner after grandpa was gone. Mum loves grandma is as much as how I love her. She always says to me, if she stays in China, she could have taken care of her the best she can. My mum is really the best child truly cares about her family among all her siblings. I am not complimenting my mum here, but fact shows she really is the one like I have described. 

Likewise, le panpan's mum has been depressed because of her mum. That reminds me of my grandpa so I was close to cry when I taught him what he should do to make his mum feel better for the time being. I can relate her feeling to my mum and I, that day when we received bad news of grandpa. 

Lastly....The powerfulness of love is not about how long you can be with them, but to constantly show them how much they really mean to you by taking actions when they are still there, in a limited time... So please don't leave any regrets..

Domestic problems (11th of Dec)

• That furious argument is the worst when two people unable to communicate to each other. She has been complaining to me about how he got her wrong. Unfortunately I was napping at that time, didn't get to solve that problem between them til I was awaken by the noises they made...
• He was being so rude chucking the brush to the sink, and she took revenge by chucking his glasses to the floor. Both parties were not calm enough to sit down and have a talk...
• I hope they will be ok by tomorrow though..
• She asked me to share the cooking recipes that she found from someone's qq-zone as she has an attempt to learn new cooking skills
• And I just found out my youth allowance cease for some reason...
• Problems occur one by one..=.=  

This god damn heat (10th of Dec)

• Persistently to go jogging for an hour or so under this heat. I was sweaty like a pig, literally. There ain't that much people going to the park today, even my friend, the Malaysian old man wasn't there lol ok feeling weird calling him as my friend hahaha
• Came back and napped for 2 hours after lunch time.  
• Been watching the documentary of animal abuse in slaughter house and I deeply feel sorry for the pigs.  The depiction of inhumane act should be used to examine and to ensure animal welfare because such a cruelty commonly made by people in the slaughter house is indeed really disgusting. We are not able to change the food chain as a nature since meat is essentially needed for our lives, what we should do is to consider how to let them die with the minimum of pain. 
• This god damn heat caused me don't want to go out, so I asked for a postpone. Maybe we should do that when Corey comes back..

the change, the love (9th of Dec)

• I've changed my attitude to treat somebody better even though I don't know whether it will work. 
• It's good to have a tall and strong bf to carry you on bed gently
• However this person was away for another half an hour eating his watermelon at his computer room, I bet he even forgot about me during that time because he obviously enjoyed it so much>.> 
• To my curiosity, I checked his messages with his really best friend. It isn't jealousy but sometimes I don't feel that special being his gf since the way he talks to others is as similar as when he talks to me. 
• Anyways our plan was ruined because the Malay restaurant wasn't opened on that day
• Instead we headed to a Japanese restaurant where it is located near the bridge. One of my favourites -the Sashimi was ordered by me, as always, seafood is irresistible for someone like me who is from a coastal city in China. I still remember the time when parents drove all the way to a remote place called HengQin, variety of raw seafood such as Oyster, fish, shrimp and lobster cost so much just for a meal. But then again, my entire family, my dad in particular, is the one that loves discovering new food, and that he has always told his daughter 'Eating is one of the most enjoyable things to do other than sleeping, it cheers you up at times, it brings you happiness.' 
• Panpan sees me as a little rat when I eat, I don't know how I look like one but he says I do. He bit off half of the vegies that I was chewing in my mouth. That was really sweet ey, my mum once told me that she has been observing panpan a lot whenever he comes to our house to have dinner, the clinginess he shows is the time when he continuously hugs me and kisses me when I eat.  
• He then asked me if I mind about he meeting up with Maggie, a girl who introduced us the first time we met in Luna Park. Without her, we wouldn't be knowing each other and subsequently became a couple lol But that day was also the first impression I had for him as a player, who seemed so close to someone that he just met. Hence, to be honest, I wouldn't say I mind if they meet up, and knowing that to catch up with a friend he knows is pretty common, I can't stop someone to do something he wants. 
• We didn't really have a great time eating ice-cream as I wasn't thinking about having a serious conversation with him. I hide so much about my past, it takes a lot of bravery and time to bring that up again. But for now, I am not ready to let another person know about it.
• He was being damn serious when we got to the park, even there was more than 10 minutes he was being fully silent looking at me emotionlessly. A connection is hard to form between us, to avoid so much things he wants to know definitely is not fair to him, since he has given me permission to get accessed his FB, as well as to check his messages etc, yet I have given him none, nothing at all. 
• But leaning on him did make me feel so much better, plus he was holding both of my hands tightly to tell me that he knows I've changed a lot these days though during the time we are still dating, he feels unfair of not knowing something he wants to know. I went teary to be honest, the time he put his head on me while holding both of my hands and cuddling me in a way that I feel loved, a moment of unspeakable love was felt, really. 
• But like I said, I need a guy to that 'reconsider' question. I know I didn't answer this instantly, but now I have rethought about this question, maybe I need someone to support me at times like my dad used to do...

Catch up with Jenny (8th of Dec)

• I was late for the tutoring for an hour because of trackwork. But during that trip, a Macedonian old guy who was sitting next to me has told me that he has been here for 40 years, and viewing all these changes in Sydney as an economic development. In the beginning I thought of him as a pervert as he stared at my legs, it gave me an insecure feeling then I got my scarf out of my bag, covered myself with it. Until he started talking to me nicely, said he could wake me up when we got to Sydenham lol He even went with me to check when my train was going to come...   
• Anyways I ran to that kid's house as soon as I got off. 
• The kid was super mischievous even after his mum asked him to listen to his tutor...
• I had no idea how to make him get the concept of metaphor and simile even I have explained over and over again. If only he could pay a little bit more attention to the paper, he could have got it so easily, yet he was picking his fingers for several times. Once I saw that, I stopped and asked him to look back to the paper, he then started to tell me about his so-called funny stories. I interjected him by saying the number of the question SO LOUD in order to get back his concerntration for a bit. 
• He begged me for not telling his mum before we finished, though I have planned to tell her starting from the beginning, I didn't at the end=.= such a softie I am not wanting to see a kid get punished by his mum...
• Seeing Jennifer is another enjoyable outting for me. Even though I was surprised she wore such high platforms hence I was shorter than her today...We went to a shop to get her aunt something, then meet fresh to order some dessert. No shame at all when I said 'oh so you are shouting me? thank you' lool she wasn't even responded yet I already went up >> 
• This person loves to talk about her work and family. She was worried about how she goes with HSC and I said I can promise that she would get 80+ in the end, or else I will shout her lol
• We headed to darling harbour to chat a bit and watch a boring white guy performing. Less than 10 minutes, I already found his jokes would not be succeeded in entertaining the audience at all so we left. 
• We went karaoke as I suggested. 
• She took me to the restaurant she works afterward. We have ordered too much side dishes other than the roasted fish..
• Our talk was awesome as always. There has never been once that I don't enjoy being with her. We think alike so that our perspectives have always been something in common.
• I was unwilling to go townhall with her to catch the train but I ended up going there with her so we could talk more. Though it was 10:40 at night, plus trackwork could have brought so much trouble that late. Couldn't get home til 11:30-ish. This is what you call sacrificing for people who I enjoy being with lol

(7th of Dec)

• I don't get why I can be such a dick sometimes by torturing my own bf, messing up his bed sheets, and purposely messing up my own hair when he helped me to comb it..Then the next minute, I fixed his bed sheets LOL...>.>
• And I found out he loves chicken feet a lot. Perhaps I should ask mum to cook him some next time when he visits her :3
• Time to pay for our meals from time to time since somebody works so hard, I would feel so guilty if I am so not understanding..
• Anyways I told him about how I thought about him being so close to his Jap friend. Apart from that, he told me about his past.
• The closeness we had tonight was significantly pulling us a bit closer than ever. Actively participating is required, maybe it's just me who doesn't feel comfortable around him sometimes, but I do try to find a way to make us connected like tonight :)

Friday (6th of Dec)

• In short....another day in Star city
• She has won back 45 bucks in 4 hours 
• There was an Indian guy trying to claim our money was his after the game, lucky I raised my hand faster than him. Never trust anyone outside especially to those places like Casino, inexperienced will usually be the target of tricksters, they might get approached to you first by talking to you heaps, next move is to get you trusted them. 
• So many photos have taken today...

Relationship (5th of Dec)

• A 77-year-old Malaysian old guy greeted me during I jogged. Before I left the park, he asked for some of my personal info and talked a bit. Claiming that he is super healthy, which it was proven from his great complexion, I asked if he goes there everyday, he then said I look so athletic LOL first time someone complimented me as athletic. He also said that I look like his daughter in law, I didn't know how to react instantly but to a stranger, who only just knew you, I found that pretty hilarious and assumed that he might deliberately to try to show his approachable side. 
• summer course fee....oh no....this can't be true...1300+...Just need to find out if I should still pay for the viewable outstanding fee 
• First ex was having a dilemma of relationship, even though I don't know if the girl who is ready to confess to him in the public on Sunday is really the one he wanted, I still suggested him to rethink about his current gf who doesn't know anything about him being a cheater..? And temptation can be always induced in such a circumstance when a relationship goes downhill, and you are disappointed at your bf/gf, there is nothing wrong to go for another person to my point of view, as we are still young. Although morally it is not fair to your gf/bf, but I truly understand his situation. I only hope that he chooses what he's happy to have, that's all I can say, as an ex..
• I think my first ex is the one that I have connection the most. Everytime when we have problems, no matter what kinds of problems they are, we have them together. Now he has his relationship problems , at the same time I have mine. We both didn't talk to our bf/gf for three days, coincidentally lol
• Finally can talk to the panpan..once again, trust problem and to my standard, he's being flirtatious only adds to how I saw him the first time. We may not work out in the end and I definitely know that, even after nearly 11 months. But to be honest, since I have made changes within myself and between us all this time, I wouldn't want to let this go. Says I have made him change a lot, in this relationship, I have changed a lot as well. I only don't see why I still hardly have connection with a person though I have changed, or because those changes are forced and reluctant as changes can be only made to adapt to his lifestyle and personae. 
• I am certainly not a committed type because being a committed type can only get yourself hurt so much at the end... I am not ready to take any consequences...

(4th of Dec)

4th of Dec

• The old guy seems really impatient when he interviewed with mum and I. Although I didn't really care whether he would be feeling annoyed when I asked him so many question about concession and health care card, I made my questions clear and short. He got her a concession card and told me to check official website if I want to know more...
• Mum was happy to have half fare for transportation fee. To celebrate this, she took me to the city, we ate ramen in a Japanese restaurant near Chinatown. She instantly made a video of me eating my Udon and Ramen. 
• Then I took her to Star city after our meal. Having period is such a bad luck to go gambling in Chinese culture, as in the metaphorical meaning of '大出血' (heavy bleeding: severely killing your wallet) which is true, we were sort of having a hard time to win the game Sic bo. There should be some patterns formed from the previous games, but overall, for me, I only thought of that as a possibility of guessing, if you are lucky enough for the day, you may win big money. But gambling is not everyone's thing, the more greedy you are, the higher chances of you losing the game, and your money. 
• We didn't join every game there, unless we were having a big time gambling, which we weren't. Mum controlled herself pretty well and only put 5 bucks to every game she played if she was confident of winning. I tried to walk to somewhere else since I was the one having period, it would have brought such thing as bad luck. 
• Some people could be really crazy putting 1000+ in just one game, and lost all within a minute. I don't get how much money really means to them, because apparently they are treating this like a job more than just an entertainment, but it is not uncommon in such a place. 
• I went back to mum, she was still losing and by the time I asked her if I could go have lunch by myself, our 200 bucks was nearly gone. 200 bucks already mean a lot to a family like us. She then gave me my ID and 50 bucks and I walked off. Heading to somewhere that sells traditional Japanese salmon rolls. The girl who served me seems so familiar to someone I saw on FB, the next second when she spoke, I did realise she might be panpan's friend, who I have seen her photos appeared on his newsfeed at times. I found a spot, sat down and enjoyed my salmon rolls. 
• I was even imagining by the time I went back to mum, she would be telling me she has won all them back. Unfortunately she only has won back maybe 100 bucks? And I was sitting behind her asking to put a chip on 14, and guess what? We started winning from that game LOL Later on, we won back quite a bit because I partially guessed dice combinations right. 
• However it was already late at night, once again, didn't get to talk to the panpan as he was already asleep...

Outting with unbiological siblings(3rd of Dec)

I was late for 5 to 10 minutes, even so, I was still proud of myself making such an improvement unlike in most of the previous outtings, which I was late for at least half an hour. I texted Corey at the train station asking him to meet me up there. Listening to loud music with my headphone on, I couldn't notice my brother Corey was already standing behind me and sneakily reading what I texted =.= Until he moved to my left, I was shocked when I turned to the left, almost screamed when I saw him =.=

He has grown much taller and once he spoke, found out his voice has changed a lot. But no matter how much he has changed, he is still one of my best brothers in here, the closeness we have, hasn't changed at all. He took my kindness for granted in the beginning, asking me to carry his bag without I even said a word. He stretched his arms, leaned on my back and asked me to carry him lol 

The train came, we both got on board. Since we haven't met for almost 2 years in person, our conversation had no pause at all. He told me a lot of his everyday life stories happened in these two years and I told him about mine. As he's got a girlfriend, she wechatted him where he was when he was with me. We took a few pictures together on the train, later on, he sent that to his gf. 

Karen must have felt left out as Corey and I seem much closer than she and I even though this was the first time we made a reunion after 2 years. Wagaya karaoke and lunch combined was cheap enough for us to spend 2 hours there. I have never heard of Karen's voice when she sang, so I was surprised that her original high-pitched voice could be that powerful. Corey and I shared a box of bento since we both weren't that hungry, I ate 1/4 of the rice and finished most of the chicken and vegies, he called me a 'nice sister' as I wasn't shameful to do that. There was once I ordered raw fish set, nothing's left after I finished singing that song. By the time I asked them who ate all of them, they pointed at each other...>.> I guess that's what most of the close siblings do, the closer we are, the less shamefulness to take everything for granted hahah Corey recorded me singing though, my unwillingness to be the subject of that video was quite embarrassed in the beginning, he even said he would upload it on FB and tag my bf=.= I don't like being recorded during the time when I sing, same thing to I don't like being watched by people because of my twisted facial expression. 

After karaoke, Corey led both of us to play pool. Luckily my friend Karen was even worse than me playing pool so that was one of the least competitive games. Corey was sitting on the side having his intimate time with his gf via wechat while watching how bad we suckers played pool lol>.> Let's just.... skip this part...Well, I felt myself improved by playing with Corey though as I would be much more determined to beat him. Anyways my headphone broke at the time when I took it out from my bag. Time to get new headphones and phone...sighh...

I swear I seriously don't want to have fast food but sometimes, it's inevitable when you are with friends if they want to have it. Particularly when the movie 'Catching fire' started in 10 minutes since we were so late to get there after pool. There was no other option not to eat hungry jacks. I can tell how unhealthy they are when they only ordered drinks for their meals. I finished my chicken crunch classic within a few minutes, that might be the fastest meal I've had these days. Karen has been hugging my arm during the movie because several scenes made her shit her pants and she actually screamed next to me=.= such as when one of the baboons was attempted to attack Katniss and the rest when they turned around. I was acting like her mum comforting this little girl. It's not hard to imagine how scared she would have felt if we switched to a scary movie. Anyways 'Catching fire' has a saddest ending ever, say what? You can tell how corrupted the rich could be as District 12 was destroyed only because Katniss's rebellion has influenced a lot of people, and that making them start to strike against the upper class.

It was a great journey on the train heading home. Just like Corey said, I went so high afterward, my craziness and randomness caused both of us laugh so much, even people sitting in front of us have turned around and checked what happened to us two retards. Using my scarf to cover my whole body and take a shot, being muslim-like was the funniest part that cracked him up. I truly don't know where my bravery was from...

Before we got off, there was this crazy woman walking around the carriage murmuring. A witch-like person freaked us out a bit, with her killing stares, I followed Corey to get off from his stop, got on the same train but different carriage since she was following us.

Time flies, I still remember the first time I saw him with Eric Kung back in Peakhurst, I had no friends when I just went to that school. He called me sister after we became much closer. In real life, I have no siblings and I've been always wanting to have some, thus having unbiological siblings makes me feel that I am not alone. Thanks for being with me when I couldn't find my sense of belonging at that time, I love you guys so much... 

2nd of Dec

• Le panpan is going to his interview today. Wish him luck
• Somebody has no car today so mum has decided we both will go to RTA by ourselves. For me, this is more like an excuse whenever we ask for his help. Ain't most of the guys like that? No actions, only words.
• I took mum to do her ECG (electrocardiography) as she has slight palpitation. She's likely to get anxious when something happens. This is caused by the stress she has for years, it's over one another.   
• It was the same lady who did her blood test last time to do her ECG. That was the first time I've seen what a ECG is. She asked her to take off her bra, then put 7 or 8 stickers all over her torso. Later connecting all of them to a data box with the wires, she pressed one of the button and electrical noises subsequently generated. A random fluctuation signals the data is being received. She unplugged all the wires. I asked if there was any pain, mum smiled and said, 'It was so comfy'...
• Then we headed to the bank to report my student identity to avoid the monthly account fee
• Mum once again dragged me to go shopping with her for another one hour. 
• When we were back, it was already 2pm. I could finally turn on my laptop to start my day of relaxing. I thought I could have a few hours to do something I like but she then asked me to check something, two locations: the MTC and RTA. I don't think I've ever dropped off from Kogarah so everything seems so unfamiliar, and the address on the sheet is pretty confusing, when it says Railway Parade in Rockdale, google map directs me to Kogarah=.= As there is a Railway st in Rockdale whereas Railway Parade is actually located in Kogarah.....Like what the heck..........
• A news shows a footage of a Brazilian girl has bitten by a bull shark. It was quite shocking when you can clearly see her leg is left with bone and blood stained on her bikini. This poor girl died once she was sent to the hospital though, and she was only 18...So don't trust to swim in the coast near the beach, don't risk your life..
• Anyways my honesty has once again made somebody...speechless I will say.. Don't really know what he really thinks. But well, I mean this happens..By talking about physical contacts, who does more of this, who knows...
• Lastly...The excitement of reunion: seeing my brothers and sister tomorrow WOOOHOOOOO. I swear I won't be late....

The first day of Dec, the last month in 2013

1st of Dec

• Day 5 of jogging, the soreness of my legs are seemingly getting better...
• I haven't seen this kiddy for half a month and he's still shoooooo naughty as usual..
• When he sneezes, he doesn't even cover his nose which is so damn rude=.=
• There were only 4 pages of that booklet to be done today so pretty much we finished it within 40 minutes and the rest of the time was to help him with his maths and antonym
• Ok I don't know why but sometimes I seriously find him really cute when he treats me as his friends, putting his arm on my shoulder and linking arm with me. All these friendliness have shown that he likes me to be his tutor right? Yet he doesn't admit it when I asked him what he said to his mum when she asked how I go with tutoring. He said, ' I was like mehhh'....I pointed at his face, said 'realllyyyyyyy, I heard my friend say you like me a lot ey ;)' He rolled his eyes, said 'nope, I said mehhhh>.> I am pretty sure I said mehhhh...' Purposely teasing a kid and making him feel shy is so fun hahaha
• There was one moment I felt pleased when we talked about the word 'pretty', I purposely messed up with him by calling him a pretty yr3 little kid, he was like 'nope, I am not pretty but you are'...like wow, this is the first time a kid called me pretty..
• Before I left, his mum came in and asked if I could tutor his son on Saturdays but I rejected. Though I have thought about tutoring one or two more days during the holidays but don't think Saturdays can be taken. I told her any weekdays is fine though. Later on she asked me to take Calvin's report home and think about what areas he could be improved. 
• I was glad that she wants to continuously hire me next year but the way of tutoring will be a bit different, as it's necessarily for me to print out the exercise sheets for his son.
• Before I came out from the toilet after the tutoring, Calvin called my name outside of the toilet. When I came out, he asked when my birthday is. To some unknown reason, he might be just randomly asking?
• Back home: Her bf kept telling us how beautiful Sierra Leone really is, unlike what the media has depicted on TV
• I do trust him fully as previously I've done some research on Africa. It might be a good idea to travel there some days :) 
• Lastly congratz to my cousin who just got married today, have a good marriage for good and give birth to a cute baby!!! I am expecting to see another niece/nephew of mine woooooooooo, shame that I can't go back to China and be one of your bridesmaids at this time>3<

Uncertainties (30th of Nov)

• The fourth day of jogging and I felt so great, even my mum said my complexion seems to be better than before.
• Headed to panpan's house right after I had a shower and ate my breakie
• Before I started walking to his house, he has told me that his dad would be home the whole day, which means, I couldn't go but I was already there...Oddly madness came all in a sudden, walked back to the train station straightaway without even saying anything back, then didn't leave him a message til I got on the train and left. 
• That stubborn me emerged I knew, couldn't really calm myself down til I reached Central, where I was being so bossy inviting him to go Hursy with me. I truly understand why he was so upset of what I did because if I was him, my gf ridiculously dogged me in the day which we have planned a week ago meeting up each other, I would totally ignore this person. But he didn't, at least he still texted me back, and I went back to his suburb as I didn't want to ruin my Saturday in a bad mood as well. 
• At first he was unwillingly to come and see me after I was being so mean to him because what I asked was more like a command. But as I was already arrived again, he came all the way to pick me up so we could go somewhere else. Unexpectedly the next minute he told me that his dad left the house, yet without his permission to go to his house, I just started walking to his house. Another wrongdoing of mine for the day that made him upset after he was close to the train station and being called to walk all the way back to his house.
• It was totally a troll today...
• I sincerely apologize here again...sorry poor little panpan
• We finished two episodes of one litre of tears with our entire faces of tears...He wiped tears off my face and combed my hair while we were still watching it. I felt so good being loved by someone other than my mum
• Anyways angry sex was as a punishment to a meanie like me, and my bracelet, which was only fixed up by mum this morning was broken again as he forcefully held my wrists. >.>
• Oh and that panpan was being super random lowering his voice calling me baby, and all those perverted faces were so hilarious and cute>.>
• My ID card was also exposed when he put my broken bracelet into the back pocket of my bag and he found it there...I surrendered to his randomness, also letting him take photo of my ID because it was forced=.=
• My ID left on his bedside though,didn't really know til I was going to the train station
• Lucky I didn't walk far so I waited him to give it back to me
• Oh oh oh another troll of his was texting my friend Vicky back with my phone as Vicky asked if I could be there earlier tonight...Then using his phone to text her back saying that was him who texted her=.= sorry for the inconvenience...*facepalm*....Now I finally know how badly I want to facepalm to this randomness...
• Anyways I was going to meet up with Vicky, he was going to meet up with his gay lo friend. I was half joking half serious begging him to ask his friend to pick me up as well, what he did was to squeeze me like a teddy bear kept telling me IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE....coz...they would be only having dinner in his suburb...Well....*HUMPH* >.>
• My Vicky baby...wait no...I meant my friend Vicky -O- see what you have done to me panpan...
• Yeah...my friend Vicky was waiting at Central for coupler hours as she finished work so early today
• We were going to have dinner and discuss about how to get her clients for math tutoring as well as to promote herself as a great tutor..
• In our way to an undecided restaurant, a Thai Festival was being held at the park near Central, where it was all lively and packed. Performances and a big screen on the stage have captured my attention, the food stalls around it were also full of people. But Vicky didn't really seem that interested to such an event, it was me who pulled her to have a look at the food and left.
• I was even planning to go back there after our dinner but my instinct has told me that I would not make it by the time it closed, which was true...we finished dinner at 9...
• Well...because of me..again....I talked a lot during our dinner time. She was amazed how slow I eat, even slower than her, who is considered as a really slow eater as well. >.>
• Dinner time was finally done. Heading back to the park was not a long way though, it only took us around 20 minutes to get back but everything was closed, that vividness we saw a few hours ago was totally gone...
• We sat on the bench talking for another one hour or so. She told me a lot of problems that are happening to her living environment and her working place. Those complaints of hers have revealed how bad a fast food restaurant manager could be, he even cheated on her to work once. Hence her attempt of quitting a job is not surprising to know, and I also admire of her bravery to report the issue of underpay. I mean, she's right, it's your right, you should fight for your right.
• So basically that one hour of talking was one of the very inspired convo these days, as I am still unemployed, I can't even imagine how it would be like working with co-workers, even though I have always imagined the obstacles I may go through when I really work. But from what she has told me and what others have said, working could be way tougher than having a good life in uni...way much tougher
• In the end, we took two selfies together
• I have thought a lot in my way home. Perhaps, there are way more things for me to do before I am actually ready to face something by myself. But prior to all of that, I need to make so many changes in my life to adapt to various uncertainties laying ahead, including the ones that are already happening right now, and my worriment of not feeling fulfilled...But most importantly is that, the trick of solving life problems is in your hands, whether you want it or not, it's still there. 
• So why are you afraid to make a choice?

29th of Nov

• Medical centre: got her results and all that, a few hours were gone in the blink of an eye
• Also got my prescribed medicine to heal my acne around my arms and back
• Waited Michelle at central for one hour or so, she came and gave me that amount of money she owed me these days. I felt rich all in a sudden.
• Michelle and I walked around market city to choose my brother's pressie 
• Another lame post...mehhhhhhhh
• Super delayed post 3

Catch up (28th of Nov)

• Completed two full rounds of jogging in the park plus exercise 
• Haiwon was there already but Shabrina didn't make it because something just came up
• As she's Korean and I am Chinese, we picked a Japanese restaurant to have brunch together. I suggested to go Korean restaurant but the one she led me to was too pricey. 
• Staying in the restaurant for almost three hours because I talked a lot instead of eating>.> My seafood ramen was with big-sized, she said it was worth the price yet I think they have put too much vegies =.= 
• I choked myself with the Japanese ginger in the beginning before we started our meal. It was quite embarrassing claiming myself love gingers and spicy food, the next minute *choked* ...........-O- 
• Funny how she said she's got one brother and 'one dad', 'wait wait...say that again? one dad?' 'yeah, one dad' (2 secs later) 'wait...what? did I say that? what one dad?' (just realized what she said..)
• I laughed at that for almost 20 minutes when there was several times she wanted to continue on her interesting transportation story, guess everyone has been through some ridiculous shittyrail experiences lol
• My friend called me a super slow eater because by the time we finished our brunch, it was nearly 3:30pm>.>
• Then we headed to westfield in townhall. JB hi fi was the only place she wanted to go at that time, unlike other girl friends, this friend of mine is sort of like a game+movie+anime addict. She asked me to try playing super mario with DS and for some reason, I always missed the mushroom due to my bad controlling skill...
• We moved to the movie section where it was just right next to the game section, she introduced some movies for me to watch but I can't remember what they are anyways...
• There was a chocolate store where they sell plenty of cute shaped and patterned chocolate. It was so enjoyable by seeing them and it even gave me an urge to take photos of them. But it says $380 on it, guess you wouldn't even want to eat it after you buy it, as Haiwon said.
• Had a pretty random convo with le panpan after he came back by teasing him as gay :3 so much fun...

A day with nothingness (27th of Nov)

Super delayed post (27th of Nov)

• cancelled the outting in order to take care of her
• She seems well today once she woke up
• This is blissful

(26th of Nov)

I set my goal a week ago so now I should start doing it before it's too late. In the morning mum woke me up at 6:50am, 10 minutes later after brushed our teeth, got dressed and all that, we were ready for our first day of jogging. I seriously think that I should get my healthy life back, not sure if I have ever once had a healthy period of time in my life, so now, let's make a change...And come on people, I am super serious this time, damn serious, I have resolute grim determination. Just by thinking about if there is one day I become a sporty type, and that I have abs....*in my dreams*

She only ran for 50 meters then stopped, asking for a rest. I kept it up myself, letting her fall behind >.> Muscle pain was not unexpected and because I am being goal-oriented and ambitious, I completed two rounds at the park with my tiny legs for the really first time jogging.

After jogging, as my friend Nick and I have planned before, we met up in Penshurst and I was actually 10 minutes earlier than him this time (most of the time I will be late for at least half an hour >.>) He was the one asking me to go badminton with him yet he didn't bring badminton rackets at all...We ended up watching a movie in Hurstville cinema afterward. The movie 'Captain Phillips' totally made me feel so intense almost throughout the entire movie since the pirates are succeeded in approaching the ship and taking Captain as hostage. You can feel that the movie is fully in charged by the filmmaker, who splendidly constructs authenticity of the captain and allows this process takes turns to build up tension when Captain's life is threatened for several times. But it will be even better if this filmmaking uses hand held camera to reflect realism in depth. 

Anyways Nick was so nice to cover me with his jacket because the air-con there was freezing. I felt bad seeing him shaky though. After the movie, two of us went to one of the restaurant there ordering two instant noodles with fried wings plus milk tea. We talked a lot as we haven't seen each other for almost a year. 

We were going to watch the second movie but as it started too late, I went to his house to watch another movie under his persuasion. That movie was alright, not really that worth mentioning here. In order to make his room feel like a cinema, he even switched off the light. And we talked again during the last one hour in the darkness before I went home. He's such an articulate person I would say, he even brought up the topic of politics and voting, as an obligation but not a responsibility, which I totally agreed with his point of view. 

Overall it was a great day to be with someone who has taught me something that I should know yet I never noticed. However when I came back home, mum told me that she's been having stomach ache for the past a few hours >< She should have told me to come back earlier yet she didn't, because she didn't want to ruin my fun time with friend :( We both thought that she would be ok later on but after 9pm, the disaster began, when she started to vomit and poo repeatedly. I carried her in and out whenever she felt unwell and needed to go toilet. It got even worse by the time she had a shower, I was just right there supporting and watching her, the next second she was powerlessly close to faint. It freaked me out a lot when she couldn't stand and heavily landed on the floor with her ass, then vomited and poo at the same time yet I could not help her but watched her to suffer. I tried my best to carry her in and out from the toilet, changed all the bed sheets and got extra blankets for her because she felt cold, I was even more scared if this is not normal bad stomach but caused by something else. It was really late at night, she was trembling a lot, vomited and frequently poo without any control. And I was busy preparing for plastic bags, sheets, just everything that she possibly needed. I have thought about to call the emergency number, and I should have, but she said she would be ok because of her unwillingness to pay the high cost of the ambulance. Yet she was not ok, not ok at all. She couldn't even stand up herself, and tiny me tried my best to hold her up, fed her with congee and water when I hugged her at the back. Even though she was the one that was really sick, the only thing she thought about was me. She worried about me getting cold without my long sleeve pj and asked me to take care of myself and not to trip over when I ran around the house busy cleaning and taking care of her. I told myself to be strong so I tried not to cry in front of her, only when I was cleaning her bowl and towel, a moment of emotional breakdown appeared. 

I have always wished there ain't just my mum and I living in here, Australia. She has been teaching me to think positively even though tough times come occasionally, but unfortunate happens to everybody so we might be the luckier ones? But then again, there has been something that is not there, is not complete...

Monday (25th of Nov)

Nobody likes being sick, but my reason here is I seriously don't like the medical system in Australia, which you need to book an appointment OR wait for a few hours even though you are really really sick. There is no special treatment here unless you pay and call the ambulance if you are close to faint or the situation is too urgent. This is just so not efficient for the patients, but yes, I do understand building up more hospitals doesn't seem to be an ideal idea either, since such a small populated country doesn't need this much of facilities, in other words, wasting of government funds. But then again, letting the patients wait for a few hours or so sometimes may worsen one's sickness if they miss the golden time. For example, my mum who has been through a tough three months under shingles, and she is still having postherpetic neuralgia til now. Why? Because she pretty much missed the golden time to be diagnosed and treated. This is a disease that would cause high rate of side effects even after the removal of that blistery area, and she only gotta see the doctor and consult another specialist in St James after so many hours, because the waiting time was too long. OK, even we only went there to do a blood test and asked some questions about something else, it took us another hour and a half to wait. And you know what, we arrived half an hour before the medical centre officially opened..=.= 

Anyways she was getting so emotional and cried because of something that the doctor asked, I thought that part of hers can never be healed, and I have always been knowing this. Dr Chauhan is such a lovely doctor, he gives us a really good feeling whenever we see him, as a doctor, and more like a friend to us. Before we left, he printed out an instruction to do a homemade nasal spray for me in order to intensify the effect of the one he just prescribed. Then he told me not to add too much soda as it may irritate my nose.

We went to Hursy at 1:30 to attend the appointment they have arranged for mum. In our way to the MTC, I saw my friend Jack, well, actually was my mum who told me to turn around because that tall and fat guy's face seems so familiar to her. She's got really good memories and eyes even though she has only met him once, and that was back in a few years ago in Mardi gras. 

Anyways as soon as we arrived in MTC, the receptionist asked us to wait for another 10 minutes til their examiner was ready. And I have told her to chill because that wasn't even going to be a hard exam, but tested what her English level is. But my mum has been always a serious person, treating every little thing as a vital part as if that may change her life. Reading a short paragraph, filling in three sheets and answering several basic personal questions have taken her almost an hour altogether. Well, but the examiner is nice enough to give her plenty of time instead of pressuring her, and I was with her as well. After the enrollment exam, we were told that somebody would contact her two weeks later, telling her which class she'll be attending.  

Somebody was back so early tonight but it was one of those nights we ended up arguing. It's just his high level of being a pompous abc is really disappointing to me, his usage of the label fobs does associated with its derogatory connotation. Perhaps he never noticed little things as always, and he never knew that some people might not like to be called as fobs because him, who was born here can never understand what we would feel about being put down in this way. A person like me who was being discriminated by people when I just came to Australia totally find this word really offended, so if you feel yourself more superior by calling people that, with that arrogant tone of voice, thinking of making this remark get you any cooler, then I am sorry, I find you really pathetic...

Change (24th of Nov)

24th of Nov (super delayed post)

Well, tons of physical possessions can't be measured from some little dark secrets. Some have been constantly seeking the next girl before their marriage, and some, such as my first ex, has revealed something we shouldn't have mentioned here. In short, the girl that he's dating now is the one he wants to get married in his life but distance between them becomes the reason of betrayal. Now you get what I mean, fully trusting a person is almost impossible in this materialistic world. Trust, is just a word for people who hasn't encountered something devastatingly heart broken yet, and only exists between the ones that have real connection there. When things are getting complicated, you gotta make up your mind whether or not to accept some temptation out there.

Anyways his incredible change is not surprising to know, including his body shape of course lol. As he has been training himself from the range of running for 10km a day, to his constantly doing sit-up for so many times whenever he's free, I asked him to show the proof of his six packs. To my amazement, he seriously made it. His six packs seem so obvious from the pictorial representation regardless I was laughing at his dormitory as a background, one of his mates was giving him this =.= face when he was taken that picture.

Btw...Jack Conte's remix production is so damn good, so please check him out on Youtube. Do trust my taste in music ;)

23rd of Nov

This is not getting anywhere I know, and eventually problem solved from tearfulness. I knew I said something wrong again once I saw his tears..

So let's skip this part, a common problem that I see myself as a reactive one, who easily lose temper with significant mood swings, subsequently unwanted feelings are flooded. I may appear to be calm and rational this second but cool head can actually detached from feelings the next second..

But yeah, that was the first time I suggested to go for dinner at night even though I was still being extremely quiet the whole night. Indonesian restaurant was relatively costly though, ordering one or two dishes already cost up to $30+. So this time I chose to pay for my own food whether he wanted or not. Having Nitrogen ice-cream was the second place we went right after we finished dinner. I didn't know how he did it, with a super quiet one, who seemed like not participating no matter what he said or did, he could still have fun all night long...That must have taken him considerable effort to make it lively between us.

He teased me a lot when we had ice-cream. Trolling was inevitable apparently. Hence a lot of angry bird faces deadly stared at this panda...a mischievous panda...grrrrrrr...

Don't know where that tiredness was from, we both fell asleep once we got on the train. Later hugging tightly during the time he waited for his train to go back...

ok..still a good day after all but it would be better if I was responsive a bit more...  

22nd of Nov

In brief, another ordinary day spending time at home doing something I had to get it done by 10pm. Luckily I woke up at 7am, not naturally not forced, only due to my really bad tummy started from 4am. I walked to the next room telling mum that I couldn't go to the medical centre with her because of that 2000 words visual diary due today, and the thing is, I haven't even started...

Apparently I had been working on that visual research and diary for the entire afternoon til night. Not blaming someone, but that someone should at least know how to structure a proper visual diary in a media course...Despite this is my first time to do a proper visual research and diary based on a video I made, I googled every detail of every section to ensure I am on the right track. Learning extra things made me feel happy, especially this is the field that I am really into it. 

I do have this slightest inclination to ask someone for help with something I wanna learn, but without the opportunity of knowing some really talented people outside of my social circle, it just takes time for me to explore things further alone. But I believe that being adventurous will take me further..

(super delayed post no.3)

21st of Nov

21st of Nov

• to be honest I barely remember what I did on the 21st...
• The only thing I did for the day was editing that 1 min video
• Since I thought that the footage has determined the resolution, without any knowledge on how to convert the video to the required resolution, I was quite frustrated for a few hours looking for ways to do it..
• But then again I am just an amateur video maker, so many technical stuff that take me a much longer time to learn and memorise. Frankly saying, 1400x1080 is not that huge different from 1280x?(can't remember..) 
• Oh I also watched something that reminded me of my deceased grandpa...
• Super delayed post no.2 here  

(20th of Nov)

20th of Nov

• First time to go MTC and the first scene I saw was an old man was late for his appointment for an hour and a half, apologizing yet seemingly getting along well with the office people...Weird how long he was late for an appointment yet the people there were being so nice to him...
• Later on..Mr Nigel led us to his block and thanked me for helping him to interpret between mum and him
• He then asked her to fill in some forms, explained the rules and all that, printed a few pages and came back...Once again asked me to interpret, at the same time he called somewhere to put mum in the English course
• Mr Nigel was nice, so nice to the point that she changed her mind not to transfer to Rockdale MTC at the end
• We then dropped something in run property
• Shopped around and bought so many stuff as per usual
• It was already 6pm when we were back, edited that video for another 3 hours or so...
• Super delayed post no.1 here...