Saturday, 10 August 2013

Everything has screwed up...


  •  Not having good times with the bf..
  • Troublesome mum has brought up some topics showing how dependent I am, which was something I didn't like hearing. I just don't understand why she's been treating me like a kiddo even though I am an adult now, at least I would like to call myself as one...I do know that I have grown my wings yet not strong enough to fly. Wings like mine are made out of tears and efforts. My wings grew slowly out of unspeakable truth...I am willing to let anyone define me but not change me because understanding is inadequate between us. But I am not alone, I've been knowing myself, me and I all along this journey...
  • I don't wanna admit I was jealous of somebody's ex but I seriously did...I just hope this thing has never happened because our stage of relationship is bad enough
  • Decided not to go to Leon's birthday party due to several reasons: already having bad mood; reluctant to let me go as we didn't really have good time in the morning; Knowing Jake isn't going to go, a bit lack of interest; needed to do my readings for uni work
  • However, I didn't do much readings either. Finishing 40 pages of academic readings has already killed most of my brain cells, besides, I was hesitant to decide what sort of things I should do first and that was one of the reasons caused unproductivity...
  • Somebody finally came back home from work, it was 11pm...There was no point to talk as we both had to sleep soon. The trust issue was inevitable to be discussed...
  • Test: saying I wouldn't wait for him but leave straight once I finish my tutoring tomorrow to see if he still would like to come and pick me up...Being a super mean koala as always...I am sorry, but this is me :p
But yes, I do believe tomorrow will be better, maybe when I turn around, everything will become possible again, and I am certain of this...


Friday, 9 August 2013

Boredom...

How should I start this post?

I've got not much to say in this post, the only thing (something that I think it's sort of meaningful) I did today was watching the second episode of super orator with mum...

Oh and in the afternoon, was busy texting somebody for an hour with mum's phone because mine is soon running out of credit...somebody's gf is in the same lectures as mine, I guess I would go to the lectures earlier next time so I can look for her...

At night, somebody came back and I chose to talk over the issue that I have been having doubt for the entire day...Interrogating wouldn't be a right way to start this topic but I still did...My angry self emerged as expected...

Anyhow, he strongly denied everything so perhaps, that somebody has made up all the crap :S I wouldn't know what is the truth so it is really dependent on which side I prefer to take...Lastly not to continue with all these, I apologized what I have done wrong in this week, the whole week with all these petty arguments so we ended up peacefully....yes....because once again, he fell asleep on me...that's really peaceful I guess? :S

Thursday, 8 August 2013

Strict rules...

Most of the people in our class has marked down by our tutor because only minority of us remembered to write a question on a piece of paper from the required readings :S

The presenters were all great in my point of view...They explained the theory critically, well-organised skills from the slides they showed, but the tutor wasn't contented...After the presentation, he picked on that girl who he thought she didn't contribute enough to the group work by asking a really philosophical question generated from a quote on textbook, which was long and hard to answer it perfectly under this unprepared condition...yet he still asked her to stay back after the class..

My friends and I started to be worried about the ongoing presentations :S Ailin is doing hers next week, all the best for her...I told her if he scares her, cry in front of him to scare him back lool

Another boring day after class...somebody seems so busy with his family stuff lol OR someone I don't wanna know...as I said, you can never trust a person fully, you wouldn't know what really happens when you are not there... happy 7th monthsary but no...not happy at all..

Sometimes, you just gotta harden your heart to people out there, as rigid as the rules...


Wednesday, 7 August 2013

Exhausted...

An exhausted day with a lot of tasks from 7am to 7pm..

7am:
expecting that guy to come to my house to fix the ventilator in my bathroom..it took him an hour walking on the roof cleaning all the dust..

9am-12am
-I was late to my lecture for half an hour
-sat alone at the front til the lecturer asked us to move up to another room
-my friends saw me and greeted me, asked how I have been and showed lots of caring towards me :)
-The movie we watched was a French movie carries philosophical elements in each shot, you cannot define the entirety without the composition of mise-en-scene...In a deeper sense, it has a significance of what you wouldn't notice should be something you need to notice and take concern with...suspense evoking films are smart because it has opened up our views to be more interpretive, since it has no concrete ending to support a mutual understanding. The plot is not as rigid as how other films present, rather it has its own auteurism for individuals. That's like a test asking us to fill out the blank when there is no correct answers but options are dependent on how we see them.

12am- 2pm
-met up with Cady, explained how clueless I found the French movie and gave her the textbook
-she has told her friend Sarah how retarded the tutor is, who either tried to be funny or being a racist

2pm- 3:30pm
-ice break: tutor asked us to introduce each other
-I told my new friend about how I felt towards the film: one word---confusion
-It led to tutor's attempt to ask my reasons of confusion as for the really first question in the class
-wordless with 'wellllllllllllll....' for a few sec due to unprepared and laid back mode til I could finally think of what I could say
-assessment 1 notification was given in the first tut, found my group members and exchanged our contact details

3:30pm to 5pm:
-a nap time in my way to Jenny's house (both train and bus)

5pm- 6pm:
-actual tutoring only lasted for an hour since she gotta go to her friend's birthday gathering in hursy
-quickly ran through all my notes I have prepared for her last night, explained everything as succinct as possible
-She told me about how well she did in that essay for paper one, however, text types were not that satisfying

6pm- 7pm:
-been listening to music on the train til it powered off

7pm- 9pm:
-spent some productive time with mum
-also made a decision
-she asked me not to show stuck up expression when I talk which I sometimes do, and that is really inappropriate when communicate to people

9pm- 9:30pm:
-talked to him on the phone for half an hour, he said he was walking the dog
-I miss you doggy :3
-I miss you too 老豆 :3
-he wanted to know about my tutoring, studies and my social life
-been hinting him that her birthday is coming soon, DON'T FORGET TO CALL HER!!

10pm-now:
-gradually getting myself into classical songs
-maybe that's another coming of age that I have just noticed :)

*whistles* TIME TO GO SHOWER...
     

Tuesday, 6 August 2013

beyond... :')

I have to devote a post in Chinese to this former Cantonese band 'beyond', their songs have nourished my soul...

你让我在风雨中看到了指缝间的阳光
跟其他band不同的是,那份真诚与和平的传送不仅活在了那个年代
并且流传到了至今,他们的歌让我们的灵魂有了新的发现
还有其他乐团做不到的是,歌里的振奋人心的歌词
我们对生活的疲倦,还有我们生命里所丧失的人与物
过分的期望与复杂化带给我们的困扰
我从歌曲的每一个节奏里获得了新阶段的自由
Beyond...beyond the song

相信无论是20年还是50年,黄家驹当年对beyond的奉献在我们心里扎根扎得更深,更有价值

*bows* thanks for all the inspiration...  :')

Monday, 5 August 2013

Friends ;)

I am the queen of lateness!! yay>.> even though I went to sleep at 10 last night, I still woke up so late...

I saw bf at the really last minute before he was heading to the other side of the train station...I poked him at the back and he turned around :) huggggggggged him and chokkkkkked him xDDD He then asked me to move to the side because that was just so awkward standing there hugging each other for that long lol

By the time I got on my bus, shabrina asked me to be quick so they can still save a spot for me in the lecture..Sadly I couldn't make it by the time lecture started...I sat alone at the second row T__T Today's topic was about live-tweets primarily, that means, as for a media student, creating a twitter account is required for the course...I was busted for an hour and that caused me to have a stomachache...but you know, sitting in the middle is so hard to move out from the lecture hall...I was hoping the lecture to finish earlier, thank god, she finished it 15 minutes before...I packed up my bag, walked out of the lecture hall then Shabrina and Cady called me behind. We three went to search for the toilet, when we were going to go out of Richie Theatre, Enoch just appeared there with his friends. Later, I also saw a couple sitting near the toilet waiting for the lab, a couple that I haven't seen for so long since last year maybe? I saw Lara as well when I was with Shabrina....Next, waited for Michelle to get my 30 bucks...if only I've got some time to do a 1000 word essay for 50 bucks, but now I can't even ensure if I can finish my own work weekly~

Shabrina was absent in last week's tut, as she was told that our tutor is a terrible person, she asked me to teach her how to write up a nice email to please him. As for a friend, I helped her to write her mail word by word, tried to use that excuse of jet lag and her sickness to win his sympathy and I hope it will work...Bianca , Shabrina's friend, the super Korean fan greeted us with Korean lol 

Both of them stayed with me for an hour, invited me to have lunch but as I did nothing for my work, I rather to stay longer in the library doing my work for the remaining two hours...I would want to have my laptop with me during my break to be honest. I just don't like the feeling of being watched by strangers when I do my work or write my personal blog, not like they will closely peek what you are up to. But seriously, there was this guy who was sitting next to me today staring at my screen, when he was waiting for his computer to log on... I quickly clicked on another tab so to get him to move his eyes away from mine>.>

My 2094 tut was alright-ish....been sitting at the same table as Ailin and Gwinny, my new friend (don't know her name though) wears glasses as well...we did the survey by asking one another's info, denoted and connoted the images we brought to the class...Soon after the class, I walked Gwinny and Ailin to the main entrance and came back to the library to rest a bit...

I enjoyed my little time sitting on the stairs and chewing my chicken tenders...It wasn't that hard to wait for a person for half an hour when you've got something to do...The bf came, I played with his zipper and tickled his butt at the platform, trolled him a lot by hugging him so tightly not letting him go when he had the urge to leave muahahha It shows how evilish I could be as I didn't get on the train :) 

Too eventful for these days, tutoring Jenny this Wednesday, means I need to prepare for her paper 2 materials...filling out a form for mum in the morning, joining a 90 min group tomorrow and expecting a phone call after 3...That's just for tomorrow...I am not even sure if I can still go to somebody's birthday on Saturday :S catching up with Nick next Tuesday and what else....yes...getting my third customer soon maybe? that's a maybe...internship and my presentation should not be forgotten as well...btw, I am accustomed to the massive amount of uni readings now...(sigh....)

haha life....

Sunday, 4 August 2013

Tutoring...

I found my own way to that address in Chatswood by 9:20, and the tutoring lesson was supposed to start at 10.Yup, means that I was 40 minutes earlier to go to a place...I shouldn't have left that early, but as this was the first time I serviced my second customer,it was a must to give her a really good impression to arrive earlier. 

The day with fine weather, and my mood was fine. Walking down the street while looking for a road called Sutherland. Sutherland, one of my friends' Surname btw...

Once I saw his mum, I was hoping his son, who I would be tutoring was as decent as her. But things just go reversely, the kid didn't even let me to touch his creative writing papers because he's got pretty shit marks(precisely failed...)...His mum snatched his paper away and said,'Come on, Calvin, she's your tutor, you need to show her or else she is unable to help you out' He gave it to me quite unwillingly. 

Soon after I read his creative writing, talked to his mum about what he should do more for his writing skills...I went into his room and started my two hours facepalmed lesson to tutor this kid.


Indeed, it was an ultimate facepalm once I started tutoring...He seriously couldn't shut his mouth no matter how many times I had been asking him to shush...He was too active that I found him hilarious and laughed with him for several times=.= His mischievousness got a rise out of me...mildly anger and impatience both came up yet I couldn't be angry to a Year 3 kid, besides, his mum was outside and checking how well I taught him from time to time...

Ok for instance, he asked to go to toilet, I asked him to come back asap within 3 minutes and he didn't come back til 10 minutes...I asked him to think how to work something out, he made up some crap that I have already explained so clearly...not paying attention when I talked, also interjected here and there as much as he could have...Sat like a boss (as if he was one..) and played with his pens and pencils when I asked him to write something up occasionally

Here comes with my methods when needed to handle a kid like him. Before this happened, I assumed my face is just too nice, and my friendliness is outwardly being mistaken as if I would not get angry by any chance...During my tutoring, he must have been feeling too comfortable around me...Anyways when he misbehaved, I stopped and gave him my deadly stare for a long time, it worked though it only lasted for less than a few minutes. The usual him came back when his mischievousness was being reactivated. He talked to me about his friends' stories, joked about smashing my glasses, then I was like 'no lenses mate, you gonna poke my eyeballs and then when I become blind, you have to take care of me the rest of my life' That humor has made him quiet for a bit, as you know, a kid wouldn't want to take care of a person so that it seemed like a real threat to him LOL But after he heard what I said, he tried to approach my glasses with his fingertips, I showed him by doing that myself before he was going to do it...'see?no lenses..lol' He appeared a WOW face then continued with our lesson lol That was just one of the examples...He asked me to tutor his maths, I was like 'NO~til you finish your English booklet and creative writing..' Another way to let him be quiet for a while...So to my observation, this kid likes maths the best yet he can't ace it, Also, he's scared of his mum a lot~ 'Ok, I would tell your mum about how you behave later..' 'okok...I won't say anything now' Once again, this only lasted for less than a few minutes, but I still had to say the same thing over and over....another time when I said 'If I don't talk, you can't talk. If I talk, you still can't talk, get it?' He giggled, I didn't find my statement funny or maybe my tone was funny for him..Overall, it's just too hard to let go of my funny side when I am with people>.> 

But learning how to control this kid, you need to be observant and intelligently make him speechless. Anyways I told my mum about what kind of customer I had today, she just said 'just as I expected, told you, he would be a naughty one' 

I had a nap on the train in the way to Hurstville...ten minutes left after I arrived. Then I bought a box of Takoyaki and finished it in five minutes...I wouldn't know how good my first customer is without comparing to the second customer...Jenny did her work and being so modest as a student. Well I do know they are not even comparative when one is just in his year3, the other one is going to uni next year...But still...I felt ten times or more tired when I taught that year 3 kid... After the lesson, I shared about how uni life is to her as she seemed really interested. one of the description of uni from some of my friends 'uni is just a place of escalated torments when you move from high school...' 

I left her house...mum was just at a right time texting me, asking if the bf was coming to our house tonight...I was disappointed that I hadn't receive a text or a message online for the entire day... To be honest, I was even expecting him would be waiting for me at Wolli Creek, a surprise to be made to a reconciliation. Disappointment, yes...I thought too much but oh well...

I went back home at 5-ish, took a shower and ate dinner. Mum has been giving me a lecture of how to tutor that kid strictly....She said herself as an example which is true, guess I need to be more strict next time when I see him.

Later on, I printed out my hard copy for the tutorial tomorrow as my friend reminded me...filled out a form for her and checked my mails and such...going to sleep at 10, exactly at 10...I haven't slept this early don't know since when..

Lastly a legendary day with a legendary child, and I legendarily sleep so early tonight...strange, just so strange overall...