Talk (15th of Feb)

Something might have gone too rough and wild, if you get what I mean lool *winks*

However our talk was amazing. A drink, two seats and a super long talk for a few hours like yesterday when we were lying on the lawn. He told me so much about his HSC period, I told him about mine. In the beginning I wasn't in a mood to talk, but I tried to stimulate some interest to talk even though there are still so many uncertainties and insecure feeling everytime when I talk to this person. As usual, he wanted to know about something I have never mentioned before such as my hidden past, my hidden dark side about me, and some hidden facts and people that I try not to bring them up in a conversation. I did tell him about my farewell party in Melbourne where I had no choice to decide where I lived, but left for China for another two years. We seriously talked a lot, teased each other as well. And it was quite obvious when I dodged some questions by fiddling around. He has spent all his time waiting for some truths to be revealed yet I still don't think that'll be a right time to tell him all that. He has asked me to tell him a bit more, yet he's the one always has taken over the whole conversation without him notice. It was a great talk that we didn't even realise what time it was, we even forgot that we were going there for having a dinner in the food court. It was almost 9 already, we only ordered a bowl of laksa for sharing. Later I was mad at him being so stingy of the meal when I ate a bit more than him, he said that I should have told him to order another one. We just can't reach a mutual agreement in most of the time as our perspectives are way too different from one another. I said never mind as per usual, he then asked me to explain. Anyways, same questions were asked and told once again, and it wasn't really a happy time on the train when here came with a dilemma to whether I should answer a serious question asked by him, because for me, it was as though making a promise to someone that I find not trustworthy enough to tell him what I really think. By talking about marriage, that could be a really remote possibility...maybe someone is so innocent to idealise a great picture of his future marriage in a way that he hasn't thought about other things that come with love, such as the growth of maturity that I want to see from him. It was serious enough, like one of those serious talks I have with someone else, but I don't think that such a serious talk will happen between us that often, as we tend to sadden it at the end at times.

I've found my valentine..(14th of Feb)

14th of Feb, a lovely love day for everybody who can spend some time with their love ones. But don't forget to express how much you love them and miss them when they aren't around.

The beginning of the day has already put me in a desperate situation that I was seeking for someone to talk to at 6am after I woke up from a depressing dream. I dreamed of the one who used to be there supporting me for 2 whole years, even when we were doing our hsc, we have made a promise that we would be holding each other's hands to go into USYD if we both could make it. And time machine has once again brought me back to 2011 when we were still close, I was so happy to see him standing next to me that I could look so close at his face. I only wish, it was more than a dream but I found out I was only lying on my bed as soon as I was awake, and leaving me with pain that I got from recalling the past. Nothing can be the same as before, but I still wanted to greet him on this Valentine's, as a friend by sending him a long message. If I ever want to do something, I will go for it because having a hesitation might change your decision, and you'll be regretting this when you look back one day. I think I may not have this bravery to send him one long message again until I truly realise how important he still means to me, he was more like one of my family members after we have shared too much in everything...But yeah...nothing can be the same as before...

Ok...just a side story before I actually started my valentine's with my bf panpan. This is the first Valentine's of his, so it has to be awesome. :) We both thought that we would be having a bad one this year as we weren't really happy in the morning. But as I just said, don't do anything regret in your life, don't waste a day being upset and let happiness fly away, and don't let anger get in your way. I jogged, and I thought to myself that it was just so wrong of me being irrationally emotional to someone who didn't seem to do anything wrong, perhaps he did, and he never noticed little thing that I care, but what's a big deal? I didn't want to have an upsetting Valentine's because you'll never know whether this will be your last Valentine's with this person in this missed opportunity. Life is a short journey so each day should be valued as the last day in this journey...In today's journey, I took quite a few pictures of my artistic masterpieces using some branches and leaves to create the heart shapes, and to write my message on the earth at the park. Each of them carries similar meaning to feature the idea of 'love'. If I've ever got some bit of time to edit my work, I could have turned them into a mini booklet, as I already had this attempt to do so, yet I was too tired to do anything when I got back home. But at least he was happy to receive my simple Valentine's gift. However, sorry to say that he must have felt so rejected and sad when he was told that I wouldn't wear that sexy dress as I was unhappy before, but I changed my mind at the end, just for making me look good, and him to be happier.

Anyways, first ex was alone because his gf's sick, which has made her not be able to go to his house to have dinner with him so I talked to him for a bit on wechat, trying to cheer him up. And Lin was arrived at Gold Coast today, she was surprised to discover how relaxing the lifestyle Aussies have lool

So I was late >.> for Valentine's outting... He was supposed to get on my carriage once we got there at Redfern but it was too slow of me to tell him that. Instead, he walked all the way back to look for me somewhere in the middle carriage. He was looking good today. I saw him approaching me with a rose in his hand, and a brown teddy bear in another. We hugged and had our lovey dovey time together. Somebody was attracted to my sexy see through dress and being so touchy feely. For me, wearing dresses and skirts is a reason for me to be more ladylike because doing asian squat in a dress is just...weird...

I love the brown teddy and flower, thank you panpan :) We pretty much didn't know we missed our stop til we saw Kings Cross LOL Mind you Martin place is one stop before that, so remember this next time haha He and I had our corns outside of the train station once we got to Martin Place. Staying there for 30 minutes chit chatting random things and watching randoms walking in and out, laughing at the police disobeying the rules and clumsily jumping over the gate. He thanked my mum's corns by sending her a message and they talked a bit.

I was brought to a chocolate place as I expected. This would be one of the sweetest things to do on Valentine's as you share the sweetness of the chocolate with someone you like. But it's a bad idea to be distracted by wechatting your friends like what I did in the beginning after we ordered our chocolate set, I didn't talk to him much but wechatted my friend Lin and my unhappy ex. I could feel a sense of anger was coming from him...Anyways...Yes...don't do that to your bf especially on Valentine's...

After the chocolate place, we decided to walk around Martin place because that was the first time I've ever been here. There were so many rhinos located in around the city, I found one covered with zebra patterned and I took a picture of it with my phone. Even luckier, we saw a married couple sitting in the car waving at people when we were going to cross the road. Guess today is really a good day, and Martin place is such a good place for valentines :) The design of the architectures there are so admirable as well, I couldn't find a reason not to capture all these stylish buildings.

Panpan was a bit bored taking me around while I spent most of my time taking pictures though, until then, he found that big park where it's near the library of NSW. The first thing we did was to ensure if we could get access in it. The continuation of taking photos wasn't avoidable once I saw how beautiful the park is. And I, was quite amazed of the fantastic view of those architectures were seen in different angles. Somehow we entered a garden where I felt like I was embraced by patches of flowers around and they made me look so pretty in the photos haha xD  

Panpan said that some people had look back to me due to my sexiness today. Yeh right, that see through dress really did enhance the shape of my breasts. Now I understand why girls can gain their confidence back once they have push-up bras, but I've always been wondering how much visual enjoyment guys can get everytime when they see a sexy girl on the street...Anyways panpan and I lied down on the lawn somewhere close to the bush in order to have some private time there. We talked a lot from our recent life to our past, such as something that I've never mentioned before. His curiosity towards my outtings with my first ex when I went back to China last holidays was also one of the most questionable issues he wanted to know much more. I had a lot of fun being in a talkative mood telling him much more about my family members, and he told me back some of his. I didn't know how much we have talked but I only knew that it was quite a long chat, the longest chat I've ever had with him in person. No silence, no awkwardness, humor, laughter, and full of passion as a couple. It's been really hard to feel right to talk to him, I seriously feel wrong when there is no mutual emotions between us, and sometimes he's more of someone who only waits for me to shut up so he can start talking again, rather than being a good listener. In general, just wrong.

But thanks for Valentine's, I seem to overcome this problem a lot, as well as the intimidating feeling he has given me when we talk from time to time. Time flies, neither of us realised how long we had been talking on the lawn until this guy came to tell us the park was going to close. We then went to the closest Japanese restaurant, ordered a big plate of different sashimi and a salad as our Valentine's dinner. There was still a lot of fun during dinner time, unlike before, there would be full silence between us two. However I was captured with so many derpy face photos when I ate yet his photos were looking so good in my point of view.

To end the Valentine's well, he took me home as always. And I waited for the train with him at the platform, we had our passionate time together in the remaining half an hour, I assume that sexiness does add a lot of excitement to a relationship. Even though doing such a thing in public is certainly not recommended, but sometimes you may want to go wild on some special occasions, and Valentine's will definitely be one of them...

Ordinariness (13th of Feb)

Ok...It's one of those days. Ordinariness.

I was totally told off by her because I didn't do something she asked before she left home. After I finished my nap nap time, I updated most of my blog posts. Spending most of my time reading something online was another thing I did for the day. I also have added a few people on wechat. Kenneth was one of them. I was told that Sam is now in Sydney. That means, we should have an outting soon as I haven't seen him for quite a while. However, we both were once accused of dating each other in that period of time when we were too close. So the group members have been woooowww-ing and omg-ing once he started talking to me in that group chat again....=.= Anyways I rejected to go to the beach with Corey and his friends tomorrow. It will be awkward for me to go to an outting that is full of people I don't know :/ 

So that's for the day....simple, simple and simple >.> 

Disagreement..(12th of Feb)

I was going to break my own record but I was too tired to jog one more round >3<

Nap nap naked for two hours without me knowing as I took off my top before I went shower, then realised I needed to add all the contacts back to my new phone(I was lying on my couch when I did that) a few minutes after I added everything back, I friggin fell asleep, didn't get to wake up til 2pm =.=

One of my primary school friends will be coming to pay a visit soon and I have already spared a day for her on the 21st so I can take her around :3 So excited to see her again after I saw her at that gathering a year ago :) The only change from her is that she has became much more ambitious, and her career seems quite promising in that IT area as she works in a such a big company in China. Other than that, she is still the one I knew back in 10 years ago, a kind, and friendly one as she used to be :)

I've read something really encouraging from the newsfeed on FB...Btw mum loves using wechat so much. Looking at how many friends she has added on her wechat and the stories she has heard from her classmates, the happiness I see on her face has reflected her enjoyment to attend that English class x3 as well as the links they sent her and everything else that has concerned about health that she learned from them, are all something that I've never seen before she starts going to school :) Good on you, you have finally found where you belong xD I am in love with some songs btw hehe :3

It wasn't really an argument with le panpan, but rather a disagreement to some perspectives on something. Like the makeup bit and the inviting people bit. Firstly, I seriously don't like wearing any makeup on my face unless that's some special occasions such as formal. But honestly, I still prefer not to wear any if I could, unless I need it to cover my pimple marks I have left on my face. I doubt that if he finds that interesting as he hasn't seen me wearing any before so he wants to try to see me with makeup on once in a while, or he's using that as an excuse to make me to get all dolled up and that he'd feel good having a prettier gf. :/ I know that most of girls at this age enjoy putting on makeup, and looking their best. But then, personally speaking, it doesn't matter how you convince your gf to wear makeup, I seriously perceive it as I ain't good enough or maybe I am just fugly...If this is the case, why not just say it :/ Secondly, inviting friends to our date is another thing that I don't like. All I want is to have more private time before we get back to that busy life once uni starts. I don't ever need someone around if I go to a place, but he does. Even though apparently I show him that I only want two of us in an outting from time to time, he suggests if he can invite his friends/ my friends. I mean if I really want to invite someone to tag along, I will say it straightforward. But when I don't seem to invite anyone but us, please don't suggest such a thing as if you find me boring to be with.

I ended up talking to my ex til 2:30am because I wasn't that happy after our talk. His humour constantly has made me forget about the problems I have. But more importantly is that he knows me quite well and comforted me in a way that I was pleased. He also told me so much about what has happened to him recently, which is another girl from his workplace confessed to him a few days ago and he doesn't know how to reject such a cute girl even though he already has someone to take care of. Not to mention that his evilness of having a few ambiguous relationships is something that I'd not suggest to happen to anybody, since you will get everyone hurt, and yourself hurt at the very end. But anyways, thanks for being there for me and being supportive no matter what :)

Grumpiness...(11th of Feb)

Annoyance. Impatience. Grumpiness...

I had no idea why I would be mad about something that has nothing to do with me. He has told me about his close friends whom have been in an awkward position in their relationship at the moment, and both of them want to talk to him about the same issue. Yes, you've heard that right...His close friends, the couple. I have no right to change anyone's mind but I only find that ridiculous if someone ever gets involved in such a situation. And obviously my opinion is treated as nothingness. It was pretty pointless to ask for someone's opinion if you have made up your mind clearly. But honestly speaking, having to solve a problem between a couple when two of them are your close friends is quite difficult :/ 

So I wasn't informed that we ain't going to Jamberoo til 11pm. Corey, my brother didn't tell me, but told him, who only met up with him once, and it was on my birthday :/ So I told mum in the afternoon about this and I wasted my precious one hour or more to prepare for everything I need for tomorrow~ :/ Definitely not going on Friday as the plan has changed to go to the beach instead by the time Corey texted me at late night=.= 

Panpan was trolled by me half an hour before he fell asleep. Obviously I wasn't happy and I needed something to cheer me up. Although I did have made my decision not to go to the beach, it was for sure that I'll be at least going out with him since it's Valentine's day on that day. But playful me demanded him to give me a convincible speech in five minutes or else I won't be going, as a threat. He quickly typed a long, yet not THAT long msg online, saying how much he wanted to spend valentine's with me because we have missed out last year's, with lots of sad and crying faces showing his cutenss :3 hahaah thanks for your pre-Valentine's speech xD

PS: fatty from oversea has sent me so many links on wechat. One of them is about how to respect and love your parents in 28 ways, such as taking them to travel every once in a while. She pointed out that these are might be his request asking how I should love him more. I was laughing at that when I talked to him on wechat, yet he was being quite serious, saying the links are sent to tell me more about something that I should know, but he doesn't expect too much from me since we are afar from each other. What he wants me to do is to take care of my mum well because everyone needs to be cared, he needs that too. After I received several long voice recordings from him saying all that, my smiley face has turned into a serious face because I have hardly heard him describing about love and expectation related issues. Even though we are close, we feel awkward bringing up this kind of topic to our conversation. I didn't know what to say, yet I could truly feel him, and mum. They have given me so many lessons of love that most of other parents won't bother to give. They have always been telling me that we are not rich, but love makes us rich...

Tuesday..(10th of Feb)

I'd say Thai ad is the best in ad industry. Either the funny ones or the ones that are meant to let people shed a few tears is pretty successful. Like the one I watched today, was about a teen mother who has been hiding the truth of her daughter, whom actually got abandoned by her own parents at the rubbish dump. She was decided to love her the first time when she took her out from the bag, and raised her up with a lot of love, regardless how others see her and spread the rumour of she had the child with her own dad. It was quite a powerful story towards the end once you find out the reason of her being a teen mother. So I shared this with panpan, letting him feel how I have felt when I watched it...

Anyways he said that he was going to get me some makeup as my birthday gift, such as mascara and nailpolish but he didn't because he wasn't sure what types I like. Then I googled for a few images of nailpolish, showing him what colours I prefer. He seems like getting closer and closer to my little brother Corey>.> Our Jamberoo plan will be on Wed as Corey has confirmed about the day with his friends...

Lastly, flappy bird has became too popular that the game designer has to shut it down in order to get back his simple life loool I found it amusing after panpan showed me this news. However, I seriously don't get why people will be this indulgent to play certain indie games these days. Yes, it has to be questioned as such a non-challenging app makes a game designer's life more challenging in a way. Welll.....I guess this has to be attributed to the change of users' lifestyle...Before I went to bed, I changed that event page on FB and looked for some songs on Youtube at the same time. According to the billboard top 100 by the 5th of Jan, Rebecca Black has released a new song called 'Saturday' and it was ranked 30+...Hmmmm I will say it's an alright-ish song but check it out yourself if you are interested. But Avicii's and Pitbull's will be my recommendation here :) 

First day of 22nd (9th of Feb)

Yes, I wasn't intentive enough when I looked for the train so I ended up catching the bus, the all stops one to somebody's house. But I seriously couldn't find the train that I was going to get on from the screen at platform 2 in the first place, so I left instantly instead of waiting for it to show=.= And somebody even made me so stupid when I told him this. No...actually it was even more stupid when you walked to someone's house when you were still mad at this person...

That half an hour was wasted on my madness as I decided to ignore him no matter how many times he said sorry. If he was really sorry, he should have said it online much earlier. Well.....I know I have been really irritated these days for some reason...>.> 

Anyways~ passion has made up our unhappiness you know...*wink wink* Somebody's getting even better and knows how to make me feel satisfied lol Well.....But you still gotta know how to lift someone's libido by using some techniques if you don't know whether you have touched the right spot...wait a second...ok...this is getting too kinky mentioning here >.> But yeah, guys should take the lead to try different positions~ :3

Somebody blamed on me for not wearing my dress today>.> Oh oh oh and and and I am sooooo sorry that I was too sleepy to watch cloudy of meatball with you at the park>3< 

I know somebody's budget is getting so tight these days. I shouldn't ask for more but go to the food court to have cheaper meals. He led me to another food court in Chinatown. Then we walked around and picked two dishes. Though I was sort of regret to pick that super spicy pork combination since they put too much oil and spices in it. >3< It nearly killed me..The thing is that I couldn't even finish the food. There was once I was choked with that and hence, it went to my nose with all that awful feeling. T____T Oh and I love that cutey voice of his when he talked to my mum on wechat hahaha such a cute entertainer :3

First day of 22nd wasn't bad because panpan was there with me :3 thanks for such a day...ups and downs haha