It must have been a joke for getting me late for almost 20 minutes for my Jap exam. I seriously didn't know it'd take me that long to wait for my bus as the line was friggin long, it even extended to where the bridge is. I went ok I guess. As in...It was ok that I at least finished everything on time. But that also means, it could have been better if I made it on time. I missed a few words because I went so panicked in the beginning getting my stuff out...Lucky Shelley, my new friend in my tut, has been there for me and telling me not to worry.
Right...it wasn't a good beginning for the day. I had this feeling that things weren't going to be alright. And I was right...The weather had been real bad. Terrible blowing wind with pouring rain took over the city. It was so hard to grip the umbrella tight as I tried to walk forward...And I didn't expect it to be a group interview in the first place. I guess it was one of the times that I lost most of my confidence halfway through as other candidates seemed to be better than me in so many ways. I was fully prepared for any possible questions they might ask, such as the one that asked us to give them advice to their website, to describe one of the most impressive articles we read from their site, what do we think about what editor do for their daily duty, why do we think we are better than other candidates etc...I have to say I've tried my best to impress them when I spoke. The only thing I worried was that group interview is meant to be making comparison between candidates so that employers could make better decision to pick who would be the best for the position, and I don't think I was close to their standard....I really wish they could focus on my personality more at this moment. There is no way that I could get in when everyone else is either has so much working experiences to show, better education background than me, especially the one that is doing master degree in media and communication at my uni that has a lot of constructive comments on media, this field in dealing with printing press and all because she used to work in another magazine company...
I became a bit gloomy after the interview. The same feeling that I'd get from being told off from people. I even left my umbrella there...I was trying to tell mum how I went with the interview, but she took forever to pick up the phone. I miscalled a stranger for several times too...And I talked to Gwinny that I presumed myself as a failure...She spent hours to tell me not to give up and keep looking for other internship by sharing her past experiences..
Unfortunately my mood became even worse when I realised that I had to go back to that world square building as I left my umbrella due to my stupidity...All the way walking back to there from AIT in that wild weather, I was more of a depressingly soulless walking dead zombie in this big city. I can't tell whether the liquid on my face was my tears or the rain, nor could I feel the sadness was from suffering from walking so much in this bad weather or my incompetent performance in my jap exam, or interview, or both..or everything...
So I was being irresponsive to the max to panpan, who got me the cake. No excitement, no happiness, nothing...Frustrated me was trapped in my own world of depression not letting anyone in...Until I realized that he left with madness. A message with 'have fun', which I would not...I immediately cried my heart out as I was hurt even more from losing somebody that I can lean on...So all in a sudden, I begged him to come back...He came to hug me back, kept asking if I was alright on our way home. I didn't want to show mum a sad face on her birthday, but I ain't a good actor trying not to reveal my true feeling, so I stopped talking during dinner. Mum asked me why. That emotional feeling flooded as I started to explain how I was late for my Jap exam this morning and all....A crying baby...Yes...A crying baby...I was that crying baby needed so much comfort from both of them...
Feeling sorry for ruining not only my day, but also both of their day...I know I wasn't able to make it up for them. It just left me with constant frustration over the night...But I've tried...I tried to at least sing a birthday song for her before she ate the cake....I still wish her a happy birthday...more birthdays to come...
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