I know she has been thinking about my future life, happiness and all that. I accepted everything she said from our deep talk this morning. She loves me, so she hopes I would understand the beauty and ugliness, and that I can avoid something bad happen to me, or make a wrong step. I like how she has stated the friendship bit. She said, the choice of friends is essentially a determinant in shaping one's life. Investing in the ones that are worth your time to be with, looking for the ones that can really help you to build up your better life, accepting the ones who are willingly to make you happy, and reducing the times to be with the ones who only know about what a materialistic life is like.
I enjoyed travelling alone especially on Sunday. I always have this moment of contemplation, making myself into a deep thinker whilst looking out from the window, picturing how I have been, what I have been doing and what and how all these have already happened influence what and how I am now. I have thought about the future tasks, the things I have to get them finished by the 19th, and my plans on what to do first and next. I was early to get there today btw. My student Calvin was ok-ish today. My manipulation and bossiness made him behave, and I guess this really works. I truly get what I have failed to do so. I seriously wasn't strict enough to make him treat things serious. When I was still complaining I was mistreated, I didn't see the really core of the problem induced by the minor changes neglected. Now I'm getting better and better to know how to calm this kid down. I just have to take full control to make him respect. I just have to make him do more than 3 pages of revision in a limited time for him to understand time is short, productivity has to be made. And I gave him one of my greatest comeback in order to make him feel insulted as I did. If he likes to use the example of 'balls', I would shove that in his face by repeatedly use that word in my explanation.
Towards the end of the lesson, Jenny told me that they would be going to the USA and Canada on the 19th too, the exact same date with my trip. When they come back, they will be moving into their new house, Arncliffe. Later I don't need to have my 2-hour trip every Sunday. More time is saved to do something else. I was having this good mood throughout the whole time til I went back to Central, and found that my jeans were wet with blood stain. It was my own fault forgetting to carry a pad. This is first...The embarrassment I had towards my shame walking among the crowd, scared of others move their eyes onto my butt when they walked behind, was something that kept me really uneasy. I tried not to make myself walk like a freak, and carrying my bag in a way of covering my butt, but no matter how hard I've tried to pretend and tell myself that I was fine, my worriment got me thinking so much about the weird stares behind me. So I started to feel so awful and sick, stomach cramped was happening at the same time as I was holding my toilet time for quite a while. Also it was heavily raining as I arrived at my suburb. Thunderstorm looming over, making me soaked as though I just came from the swimming pool, but not with the swimming suit. Although that was bad enough, I still didn't have anything like 'are you ok' from her as I finally got back. That long two hours have made me soulless, almost had this thought of 'die in a hole', but now, adding to the wound I got from getting no comfort, I was into this deeper level of depression. Even during dinner time with them, I didn't talk much.
But thanks for his company. Without him, I would even feel worse than ever....
PS: Nice planning for trip in the morning though. I wish I can carry that good mood with me for the whole day, but my stupidity somehow ruined it. But still, I really hope that I can spend my boxing day with somebody so we can shop around like crazy.
PS1: Next trip is Parramatta. This is just our initial plan. After her persuasion, I think that going to contemporary art gallery next Saturday is a better plan. Why? She said I needed to manage to count the trip fee too. Going somewhere far on Sunday, is a better idea to save money....True, and I should accept that..
PS2: Finally booked the flight tickets tonight. The hidden fees they have really made me understand why the price of the flight ticket itself can be this cheap. Crystal clear...So after I went to visit their website reading what other items I can't bring, he suggested me to just bring a light bag with clothings and small items. That's all about it. So great plan!! Everything is done. Plus I've got a humorous and nice partner for the trip. This is going to be awesome!! And I actually learn how to be more positive too from him :)
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