the change, the love (9th of Dec)

• I've changed my attitude to treat somebody better even though I don't know whether it will work. 
• It's good to have a tall and strong bf to carry you on bed gently
• However this person was away for another half an hour eating his watermelon at his computer room, I bet he even forgot about me during that time because he obviously enjoyed it so much>.> 
• To my curiosity, I checked his messages with his really best friend. It isn't jealousy but sometimes I don't feel that special being his gf since the way he talks to others is as similar as when he talks to me. 
• Anyways our plan was ruined because the Malay restaurant wasn't opened on that day
• Instead we headed to a Japanese restaurant where it is located near the bridge. One of my favourites -the Sashimi was ordered by me, as always, seafood is irresistible for someone like me who is from a coastal city in China. I still remember the time when parents drove all the way to a remote place called HengQin, variety of raw seafood such as Oyster, fish, shrimp and lobster cost so much just for a meal. But then again, my entire family, my dad in particular, is the one that loves discovering new food, and that he has always told his daughter 'Eating is one of the most enjoyable things to do other than sleeping, it cheers you up at times, it brings you happiness.' 
• Panpan sees me as a little rat when I eat, I don't know how I look like one but he says I do. He bit off half of the vegies that I was chewing in my mouth. That was really sweet ey, my mum once told me that she has been observing panpan a lot whenever he comes to our house to have dinner, the clinginess he shows is the time when he continuously hugs me and kisses me when I eat.  
• He then asked me if I mind about he meeting up with Maggie, a girl who introduced us the first time we met in Luna Park. Without her, we wouldn't be knowing each other and subsequently became a couple lol But that day was also the first impression I had for him as a player, who seemed so close to someone that he just met. Hence, to be honest, I wouldn't say I mind if they meet up, and knowing that to catch up with a friend he knows is pretty common, I can't stop someone to do something he wants. 
• We didn't really have a great time eating ice-cream as I wasn't thinking about having a serious conversation with him. I hide so much about my past, it takes a lot of bravery and time to bring that up again. But for now, I am not ready to let another person know about it.
• He was being damn serious when we got to the park, even there was more than 10 minutes he was being fully silent looking at me emotionlessly. A connection is hard to form between us, to avoid so much things he wants to know definitely is not fair to him, since he has given me permission to get accessed his FB, as well as to check his messages etc, yet I have given him none, nothing at all. 
• But leaning on him did make me feel so much better, plus he was holding both of my hands tightly to tell me that he knows I've changed a lot these days though during the time we are still dating, he feels unfair of not knowing something he wants to know. I went teary to be honest, the time he put his head on me while holding both of my hands and cuddling me in a way that I feel loved, a moment of unspeakable love was felt, really. 
• But like I said, I need a guy to that 'reconsider' question. I know I didn't answer this instantly, but now I have rethought about this question, maybe I need someone to support me at times like my dad used to do...