I barely talk to panpan on the phone for more than half an hour and I just did today, in the morning when I was awaken by his calls.
Semi casual as for dress code is not that bad, but that has spent me quite a bit more time to think about what to wear was the most appropriate to attend an interview. I was confident enough to go without stress myself out preparing this and that, but I did think about what questions they might ask on my way to that law building. Anyways I was the first one to be there. There wasn't anyone in the room so I texted this guy called Kit Man who notified me to go there for my interview, he replied me with there should be someone there already and that he'll be there in a few minutes. I went to look for a toilet and came back, they were finally here. Four interviewers introduced them to me. The media director is a really nice girl whose name is Nikki, the one next to her is Kelly, and the other two guys are Bernard and Kit Man. It was a friendly talk rather than an interview so I felt quite chill answering all of their questions. She told me that they needed someone who can be actively participating in making videos, designing posters and all that. I think I am this kind of person that they have been looking for since I have this passion to do something similar. They also asked what I wanted to achieve by joining the media committee, I explained my point of view by bringing up the fact that I will be also doing courses in AIT, where it will get me more of hands on experiences. Either joining media committee in a society or applying for AIT, my purpose is the same as to regain my confidence by making myself seem more employable and have something to put on my resume. They seemed to be satisfied with my answers, especially to Nikki who was smiling at me and telling me that I am in. She then gave me more information about how their media department works, which they don't require for regular long meet up hours. In other words, no scheduled time for any teamwork but arrangements will be made at a suitable time for any members, we can just contact each other via FB group chat and be informed by her. After all, I was so happy that I have met some awesome people who we can talk about so much things in common :3
After that, I met up with panpan and we walked to UTS to chill a bit before he started his classes. We finally found some comfortable seats somewhere, he kept telling me about the documentary of serial killers he watched in the morning in relation to the changes of their psychological development. I like to know more about those gruesome stories as they do generate so much excitement based on my own imagination, and that sense of me to depict that pictorial explanation enables me to immerse myself in watching a scary movie as an outsider peeking the horror scenes happening there. But I was too sleepy throughout the entire time when he was talking. Oh I fell asleep deeply on the train too. I was thinking about going home to have some of my nap nap time, but I ended up going to the plaza listening to music, having some snacks and reading the newspaper I took from the train station because only that, I could feel that I did something productive for the day.
Anyways, during night time when I am easily to be so emotional and sensitive, the time when I found out panpan has this attempt to get closer to my brother Corey on purpose. Yes, I have my judgement based on what Corey's actions were. Yes, I am a really dogmatic person inclined to go for a possibly wrong presumption of a person whenever I have this tendency to look back on my past, where I got hurt and betrayed by some particular people who did the same thing to me, I don't ever let anybody hurt me again. And this is just the same thing to trusting issue which I uphold this principle of nobody can be fully trustworthy. Knowing how badly he wants to make friends with anyone he encounters, while me having this worriment of the possibility that anyone might take away something from me, I was angry at a seemingly irrational yet valid reason. I do understand those friendship theories and all, like how you should make connections for your future benefits etc. He was doing Corey a favour, I clearly knew that too. Maybe somewhat I just don't have this interest to trust a person, the one that I feel secure with, and hence being alert to someone who seems likely to hurt me in some ways or take away someone important in my life after I have lost some important ones when I was being so nice before.
To me, anything or anyone can change within one step. Promises are non-existent. To make something happen, or to stop something happening is to avoid having that one step...
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