Miserable night talk (26th of June)

My spamming calls last night must have been annoying to bb...But I thought it wrong...I was told that he didn't feel annoyed at all..But then, I felt abandoned for being neglected by bb last night. After almost an hour of begging and overly sweetness said by panpan, my starving panpan was successful to persuade his korara to see him. The way he persuaded me made me feel that I'm such a kid, a kiddy kiddy person loved by her papa...>3> Knowing that I'm a mad eater, he loves to entice me with food, especially with my favourite food-chocolate..Good food, is such a temptation for me unable to say no to this person. But of course, I miss panpan too. Panpan's hug, is oh so soft, as soft as a feather, quoted by him, but still as warm as a panpan's hug...And...bb is not kinky, YOU ARE...>3> Admit that you are a sadist *points at panpan*

My journey to someone's house was another time for me to be a little nerd somehow. Reading wordbook, the app downloaded for my own leisure time, is one of the main things I do during my travelling to places. It is a long way to go for learning more, and keep learning even more. Words are just as similar as places, it takes time to take root in your mind, it takes time for us to know how to use them.

Anyways, I don't go to somebody's house that often on weekdays. But when I do, I love to mess around with him, and his bed...Dinner time for us was to Chatswood, because I said so...I got jealous again, super jealous of a little girl in Brisbane. And all I care is that she is a GIRL. That's all it matters. Because I seriously don't see why you can't cheat on your gf with someone though they live far away. Jealousy could never be rational, as we all know. Especially when this one is a cereal player and cheater, the one that I have been having this feeling towards him over almost a year and a half. It only increases more and more of that kind of feeling whenever I read his texts. Trust is way too hard for me to develop if I've already seen it as a stupid thing to believe. In order not to kill a supposedly happy night, I was half joking and half serious talking about his second stalker and his next target(s) during our dinner time. Until we talked again online, I started to bring this up, saying how much I think he is one flirter and that this ridiculous thinking is unable to be removed. Yes, I hate myself too, for killing a surprise...I didn't know he'd be preparing something for me...And he's right too, I am being super insecure, a clingy gf to a certain degree. Not that I can help with that~

So yup...it was another long freaking talk between le sad couple. It's difficult to relate to the others. I sometimes see telling your darkest secrets to people is digging a grave yourself because people hardly truly feel pitiful towards your stories.Yes, reason why people are covered with masks for being who they want to be, but not who they really are, is to make themselves not to look that miserable...I really hope there is one day somebody will be able to hold my hand to walk out from my own shadows...