Self-contented
It is not a lie, being self-contented is more than any emotions I should have for my family. I know we are not rich, neither are we complete. Without a dad, I can be the man for mum; without money, it gives me an incentive to earn in some ways to lessen her burden a bit.
My saving has closely reached a certain amount that can afford something I want/need. I have always got my secret plans but at the same time, it can't fulfil all my wishes. To afford the driving lesson will be my top priority, get my equipment and learn something I am actually interested in will be my second and third. Honestly, luxury such as smartphones in trendy, heaps of people have been telling me that it's time for me to get a new phone since my N81 is obsolete. It should have retired ages ago but I am still using it...
'But you are getting to OWN something' mum suggested. I replied ' LEARNING something will be turned into something I OWN as well' which is true, time waits for no man, new phones are on sale seasonally, I don't want to get in a race with others to compare whose phone is better once every a few months. Phones are endlessly updated sooner or later so why not wait a bit longer after I reach other goals that are more important...
She went in my shower room for a few times and talked to me after I have expressed my thought to her. She then said something make me really teary. I tried to hold my tears by laughing because I just didn't want her to feel bad about us, our family and our situation, which she is not able to change at the moment. We do want to make a change, but it takes time, a lot of time.
But yes, I admit that some people are getting me admired by showing how great their life is there from time to time. Aren't they just too lucky? They seem like that they have everything and everyone but me, simply speaking, a 21 that hasn't done much. Our life is not that as problematic, but just the way it keeps me hard to feel satisfied. Even though I have told myself for thousands of times I need to be strong, and move forward...But I still want a lot more than I have now...
But then again, every time when I sit back, quietly rethink about my life, look at her and her smiles. I have never thought I have nothing, instead, I know I have everything because she is already everything for me, as well as creating everything for our today's life. Maybe she got me wrong when I said I wanted to get this and that with the money I have saved. She then said to me 'You don't need to save up that much money to get all those, mum can afford all of them for you' 'Are you feeling sad that we are not rich, we don't even have a complete family here?' I just shook my head...
But yes, I admit that some people are getting me admired by showing how great their life is there from time to time. Aren't they just too lucky? They seem like that they have everything and everyone but me, simply speaking, a 21 that hasn't done much. Our life is not that as problematic, but just the way it keeps me hard to feel satisfied. Even though I have told myself for thousands of times I need to be strong, and move forward...But I still want a lot more than I have now...
But then again, every time when I sit back, quietly rethink about my life, look at her and her smiles. I have never thought I have nothing, instead, I know I have everything because she is already everything for me, as well as creating everything for our today's life. Maybe she got me wrong when I said I wanted to get this and that with the money I have saved. She then said to me 'You don't need to save up that much money to get all those, mum can afford all of them for you' 'Are you feeling sad that we are not rich, we don't even have a complete family here?' I just shook my head...
She cares about my feeling a lot I know, and I care about her just as much as the same. As she always says, we won't even be this close if we ever become rich as richness will drive people apart...I should feel luckier to have her even though we lack of money, but love is eternally there...
I am melted from her love when she came to my bed and clung with me upside down in the morning in a cute way; helped me to braid my hair even though she was clumsily being taught with the new way and couldn't get it right; frequently visited me in the bathroom when I was showering even though she knew that I was fully naked....She's so cute, where else can you find another mum like her...
PS: just found out bubzbeauty is even shorter than me...I should also be self-contented in this case...
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